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Talking to strangers at the gym

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Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#491

Post by ihaveajob »

alexmuresan wrote: post #98
mtlynch wrote: post #80

One of the things I like about this is that OP is giving people genuine compliments without any particular agenda. It reminds me of one of my favorite parts of How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, where he tells a story about complimenting someone, and a student asks what he was hoping to gain from offering the compliment. Carnegie is incensed: > I was waiting in line to register a letter in the…

I avoided this book for a long time. for some reason I got it in my head that it's a sort of red pilled book that teaches you how to manipulate people. I know it's very shallow on my side, but I somehow crystallized this opinion based on a few acquaintances that claimed to read it and instead that they include the name of a person they just met in every sentence because it made that person like them more. Your commen…

Yes, same here. The title hasn't aged well, I suppose.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#492

Post by sublinear »

KellyCriterion wrote: post #143
mghackerlady wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

at least in the US, gen alpha wouldn't really be allowed in any bars which is honestly part of the problem source: I'm on the younger end of gen z and I can't drink yet

> I can't drink yet being on the older end, I can ASSURE YOU that you do not miss anything if you do not drink/cant drink right now. Though, it took me some decades to realize this :-(

I think what matters most is that they get out and socialize.

If there is alcohol involved with that, it's a personal choice that I don't think deserves shame unless it's consumed in a shameful way. I would have to assume any adult should know their limits, be resilient against peer pressure, etc.

I would actually argue that the fights you have with yourself regarding addictions are just as much of a rite of passage as the fights you have with others while drunk.

If you so strongly wish you could eliminate negative experiences, you'll eventually have to ask yourself "compared to what?" and realize such a treadmill of misery is your true source of regret, not your actions or the consequences.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#493

Post by gowld »

axus wrote: post #319
nozzlegear wrote: post #112

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I avoided this book for a long time. for some reason I got it in my head that it's a sort of red pilled book that teaches you how to manipulate people. FWIW this book came out in the 1930s, long before "red pilling" was a thing. I've read it before and it's not about manipulating people unless you consider being a genuinely sincere person to be manipulative in some way. It's a good book, if a little outdated, and,…

Mr. Carnegie should update his book with a few sentences about how using LLMs to flatter people is not being genuine.

He would almost certainly disagree.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#494

Post by ssl-3 »

sanswork wrote: post #389
GolfPopper wrote: post #384

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As someone with very similar issues with names, how did you start remembering names?

I have a list in reminders called names so when someone tells me their name as soon as I can use my phone without it being impolite I open it up and add a quick note with the names. - neighbour watering lawn Jack, wife Gemma, daughter Jane Then I try to remember it later in the day and confirm with the note. I do that the next couple days and it's locked in and I can delete the note.

I've found that the same works for me when I put forth the tiny bit of time and effort to actually do it.

Just a quick note somewhere (phone is easy-enough, or for a long time I carried a waterproof Field Notes notebook with a Fisher Space Pen and that worked a bit better), to be reviewed later.

Maybe that review happens an hour from now. Maybe it happens in a week, or a month. Or maybe all of these. Refreshers are good.

I don't even have to write much, if anything, about the person; the mere act of taking down the names usually helps a ton with my ability to recall the context later.

If I can remember when and where I took that note (which I can often do very easily), then the rest of the details fill themselves in quite nicely.

(I don't erase the notes, so as to let them remain useful to me later. I don't care if that creeps anyone out; my intentions are pure and the problem I'm trying to solve is very real. Its creep-value is really no worse than the contact lists that I've transferred between cell phones, pocket computers, and now pocket supercomputers for nearly a quarter of a century.)

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#495

Post by scotty79 »

planet36 wrote: post #131
nozzlegear wrote: post #112

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I avoided this book for a long time. for some reason I got it in my head that it's a sort of red pilled book that teaches you how to manipulate people. FWIW this book came out in the 1930s, long before "red pilling" was a thing. I've read it before and it's not about manipulating people unless you consider being a genuinely sincere person to be manipulative in some way. It's a good book, if a little outdated, and,…

And "Remember their name".

Oh, no, please don't. Don't use my name before we are actual friends with actual business in remembering each others names. There's very few things that more strongly put me on alert against a person than them mentioning my name to me.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#496

Post by djeastm »

shwaj wrote: post #347
hlynurd wrote: post #290

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> "if you want other people to care about you and your desires, you need to care about them and theirs and SHOW them that this is the case: here's how." Isn't this highly manipulative?

It’s manipulative if you don’t care and pretend you do, especially to achieve a goal of your own. It’s not manipulative if you cultivate the tendency to actually care about others, and not treat them like NPCs who are only important for your goals.

>if you cultivate the tendency to actually care about others

I suppose this is the question: can caring about others be "cultivated" or is it something we do without being able to affect how much we do it?

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#497

Post by djeastm »

hnlmorg wrote: post #398
wordpressed wrote: post #316

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm not saying this is you, but i've also ran into a lot of those people, almost always men, often in their late 30s or 40s, going around talking to everyone cracking jokes and thinking they're the live of the party, while everyone else is just silently annoyed by them.

That’s a depressingly negative way to view people who are just trying to break the isolation of modern life.

It is possible to treat someone as worthy of sympathy and still be annoyed.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#498

Post by sanswork »

ssl-3 wrote: post #494
sanswork wrote: post #389

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have a list in reminders called names so when someone tells me their name as soon as I can use my phone without it being impolite I open it up and add a quick note with the names. - neighbour watering lawn Jack, wife Gemma, daughter Jane Then I try to remember it later in the day and confirm with the note. I do that the next couple days and it's locked in and I can delete the note.

I've found that the same works for me when I put forth the tiny bit of time and effort to actually do it. Just a quick note somewhere (phone is easy-enough, or for a long time I carried a waterproof Field Notes notebook with a Fisher Space Pen and that worked a bit better), to be reviewed later. Maybe that review happens an hour from now. Maybe it happens in a week, or a month. Or maybe all of these. Refreshers are g…

The creep-value of keeping your lists is zero. It's no different to a journal or the options you gave.

I just delete the ones from mine after a while since they aren't needed and makes it more likely to lose focus on the new ones I'm still actively remembering.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#499

Post by scotty79 »

hlynurd wrote: post #290
windowshopping wrote: post #186

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I was in the same boat as you before I heard enough good things about it that I checked it out. After all, if it was really bad, I would be able to tell as much and stop reading it, nothing lost. I can confirm it's really good. It's not manipulative at all. The book can large be summed up as "if you want other people to care about you and your desires, you need to care about them and theirs and SHOW them that this is…

> "if you want other people to care about you and your desires, you need to care about them and theirs and SHOW them that this is the case: here's how." Isn't this highly manipulative?

> Isn't this highly manipulative?

Let's rephrase that.

If you want people to give a f... about you, you need to actually give a f... about them and in a way that comes across. Here's how.

Still manipulative?

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#500

Post by parliament32 »

stuxnet79 wrote: post #454
parliament32 wrote: post #317

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think it's because the general public figured out they'll die in their 50s if they don't. Modern life is too easy -- a substantial portion of the population spends their white-collar lives flying a desk, "socializing" via sitting around eating and drinking, hiring people to do their landscaping and housework.. hell, you don't even need to walk to get food anymore, both restaurant meals and groceries are delivered.…

> For health it's pretty much a non-negotiable to go do some strenuous activity every other day, and going to the gym is the path of least resistance to getting that done You are right, but the reason it's so prevalent is also because it is better for capitalism. Going to the gym isn't just a 1-off activity, it's an entire lifestyle & it doesn't necessarily come cheap. You need a membership, specialized gear, lessons…

> it's an entire lifestyle

You might be overthinking this, although I understand how it can appear that way for someone on the outside looking in. Your local gym probably costs less than your Netflix subscription, if you don't already have a free gym in your apartment building. You don't really need anything else other than looking up some routines on reddit.

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