Pandora says laboratory-made diamonds are forever • Hacker News Board

Re: Pandora says laboratory-made diamonds are forever

#481

Post by 55555 » Tue, May 04, 2021, 4:08 PM UTC

woofcat wrote: post #469

sneak wrote: post #421

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Life is expensive, and between cars, house, the actual wedding, kids, etc. The money I spent on my wives engagement ring seems like child's play. I wonder if your literal children would feel like that if you'd taken the same money for a ring that will (presuming you proceed with marriage) pretty much never get worn, and invested it in an index fund until their 21st birthday. "child's play" indeed is what I would ca…

>I wonder if your literal children would feel like that if you'd taken the same money for a ring that will (presuming you proceed with marriage) pretty much never get worn, and invested it in an index fund until their 21st birthday. I don't know what culture you're from. But in North America engagement rings are worn as every day jewellery. So it gets used daily. >I wonder if your literal children would feel like tha…

Warren Buffet takes this even further. He doesn't spend any money on consumption, choosing instead to invest it for 21+ years. And then he keeps it invested and refuses to give it to his children.

(He's giving it all to charity, though.)

Re: Pandora says laboratory-made diamonds are forever

#482

Post by shuntress » Tue, May 04, 2021, 4:08 PM UTC

washadjeffmad wrote: post #406

joeblau wrote: post #65

Random diamond story! As a freshman in college, I took a geology class and our teacher asked all of the women in our class to raise their hand if they would rather have natural or human-made diamonds. Most of the women (over 80%) raised their hands for natural. The reasons they gave all seemed to tie back to branding and natural diamonds being “real.” Then our teacher gave another analogy. He asked if people would ra…

I went through this not that many years ago buying a ring for my SO. My biggest mistake was including her in the decision. She described what she wanted exactly– nothing gaudy or ostentatious, just a singular, tasteful stone on a plain band. Couldn't be simpler, could it? Finding stones that met her criteria was easy. Some were natural diamonds, some lab grown, many moissanite. From the outset, she said the meaning o…

Depending on how long ago this happened, you may either already know this or have since worked through it but this was probably not really just about the ring.

I think the comments attacking your partner may be assuming that this "uncharacteristic tears and shouting" was some sort of irrational hysteria rather than the boiling-over of simmering problems.

Maybe I'm the one reading too far into it though.

Re: Pandora says laboratory-made diamonds are forever

#483

Post by 55555 » Tue, May 04, 2021, 4:10 PM UTC

trapexit wrote: post #39

TekMol wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Honest question: Why marry in the first place? Why practice a personal relationship in a way others have designed? Isn't it somewhat contrary to the theme of Hacker News? To me, the term "hacking" describes the habit of doing things in a more interesting/efficient/fun way than how they are usually done.

This is kind of a lazyweb question because the "why marriage?" question has been discussed many times before on HN. https://www.google.com/search?q=marriage+site%3Anews.ycombin... Beyond the social convention that "it's the thing to do" at a certain point in a relationship, some reasons are: - Marriage provides financial assurance for a spouse who will defer their career to raise children. - Some friends and family (…

> - U.S. citizens living abroad in a low-tax country with a foreign spouse can engage in advantageous tax planning.

Can you please, please elaborate on this?

Re: Pandora says laboratory-made diamonds are forever

#484

Post by mattowen_uk » Tue, May 04, 2021, 4:10 PM UTC

depaya wrote: post #449

mattowen_uk wrote: post #187

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> You are demonstrating a vast amount of ignorance. No need for insults. I'm allowed my own opinion on this. I am also allowed to express it, this is, after all, a discussion forum.

You posted your opinion, a very broad statement suggesting it was bad for certain people to believe something. They countered your opinion with their own, stating your opinion was ignorant and offered an example as to why. This is a discussion forum, but you sure seem to have a problem with sometime attempting to respond to you. Do you not see the irony?

I resented personally being called ignorant. That is all.

Re: Pandora says laboratory-made diamonds are forever

#485

Post by inetsee » Tue, May 04, 2021, 4:12 PM UTC

amalcon wrote: post #428

washadjeffmad wrote: post #406

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I went through this not that many years ago buying a ring for my SO. My biggest mistake was including her in the decision. She described what she wanted exactly– nothing gaudy or ostentatious, just a singular, tasteful stone on a plain band. Couldn't be simpler, could it? Finding stones that met her criteria was easy. Some were natural diamonds, some lab grown, many moissanite. From the outset, she said the meaning o…

I brought my now-spouse along for ring shopping, on her own theory that she'd be wearing the thing and should therefore have some input. She was actually more opposed to mined diamonds than I was at the time. We talked about this extensively, and considered both lab gems and corundum gems (ruby/sapphire). We went through over a dozen jewelry stores, each of them pushing mined diamonds so hard that it angered us. The…

I was fortunate in this regard. My wife inherited her mother's wedding ring. When it came time for us to get married, we took that ring to a jeweler who mounted the diamond in a setting that my wife picked out. The ring has great sentimental value for my wife at a modest cost. We never had to have the conversation about a mined diamond vs a synthetic diamond.

Re: Pandora says laboratory-made diamonds are forever

#486

Post by akarma » Tue, May 04, 2021, 4:13 PM UTC

scottLobster wrote: post #448

akarma wrote: post #422

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Many women won't directly tell their partner "I want you to spend a couple months' salary on a beautiful diamond" because it's tasteless to request and it removes all the meaning behind the man doing so, but they'd also be disappointed if the man didn't do so unprompted. People and their emotions are complex like that. I don't think there's any glaring issue with either party above, but it's like you expect all women…

Did you miss the part where she gas-lit him? She agreed with all the points about moissanite/etc and then got bent out of shape when he took her at her word. Clearly all that was a "test" that he was supposed to "pass". I rarely see happy marriages with that kind of behavior as a baseline. God forbid he get her Carnations and a nice dinner for Valentine's day, she'll likely ignore the dinner and focus on why he didn'…

I didn't view it as gaslighting, I viewed it in the way I said it: she may have not wanted to demand a 'genuine' diamond, so she left it open-ended. What woman wants to demand that when asked for preference? Demanding it would remove the sincerity and meaningfulness of the man's gesture.

On the note of carnations for Valentine's Day, I'd view it in much the same way. Unless she's told you how much she adores and prefers carnations on Valentine's Day, roses are the best bet.

My partner and past partners have always fit that type, and I don't think either is lucky or better or right. I personally enjoy the tradition and the unspoken symbolism in the gifts, and striving to make her happy without it being spelled out for me.

I'm happy you have someone who makes you feel lucky, and who matches your preferences for communication and a relationship — finding that is possibly the greatest feeling in life. I simply aim to point out that either are valid, normal preferences and dynamics, as opposed to one being gaslighting.

Re: Pandora says laboratory-made diamonds are forever

#487

Post by 988747 » Tue, May 04, 2021, 4:14 PM UTC

savanaly wrote: post #426

988747 wrote: post #323

Earlier quoted context omitted.

More like "sunk cost fallacy".

No, they're really different. Just because the sunk cost fallacy has something to do with spending money doesn't mean it applies whenever money is spent in an unwise way. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Signalling_(economics) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunk_cost

But buying a wedding ring is not only about showing off, it is an old method of psychological trickery that is supposed to make relationships and marriage more durable.

It used to be "sunk cost" for a man, since until recently it was expected that if you break the engagement your ex-fiance would keep the ring (right now in most of the states law require it to be returned). Expensive wedding party is another sunk cost.

Re: Pandora says laboratory-made diamonds are forever

#488

Post by [deleted] » Tue, May 04, 2021, 4:15 PM UTC

lastofthemojito wrote: post #408

kqr wrote: post #292

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There's also a common line of reasoning that roughly goes "well this particular diamond has obviously already been mined, so no additional harm is caused by me wanting it." Obviously you and I see that even that line of reasoning alone jacks up demand for an awful business, but not all people have the capacity to reason that abstractly about how their behaviour plays a part in a very big aggregate. ---- My wife did g…

That's interesting - when I bought an engagement ring for my wife the one and only jewelry store I went to was happy to order me a bare ring, give me the size range of diamonds that would fit it, and then install the 3 synthetic diamonds I ordered from Gemesis. It seemed like installing diamonds that folks already owned into new rings was something they did relatively often. Maybe you'd have better luck approaching i…

[deleted]

Re: Pandora says laboratory-made diamonds are forever

#489

Post by EVa5I7bHFq9mnYK » Tue, May 04, 2021, 4:15 PM UTC

graycat wrote: post #432

washadjeffmad wrote: post #406

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I went through this not that many years ago buying a ring for my SO. My biggest mistake was including her in the decision. She described what she wanted exactly– nothing gaudy or ostentatious, just a singular, tasteful stone on a plain band. Couldn't be simpler, could it? Finding stones that met her criteria was easy. Some were natural diamonds, some lab grown, many moissanite. From the outset, she said the meaning o…

IMHO that she is looking really hard for allegories , symbols, representations, of your love is a really good sign for a successful marriage, one that will hopefully really, without doubt or question, last "for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, 'tell death do you part". So when the two of you get old and wrinkled, not see or hear so well, have joint pains, the chi…

You generalize and project your own life preferences on others. Please don't tell what is best for me. There is no problem to solve whatever.

Re: Pandora says laboratory-made diamonds are forever

#490

Post by judwaite » Tue, May 04, 2021, 4:16 PM UTC

joeblau wrote: post #65

Random diamond story! As a freshman in college, I took a geology class and our teacher asked all of the women in our class to raise their hand if they would rather have natural or human-made diamonds. Most of the women (over 80%) raised their hands for natural. The reasons they gave all seemed to tie back to branding and natural diamonds being “real.” Then our teacher gave another analogy. He asked if people would ra…

Branding and artificial scarcity