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Match.com Used Fake Ads to Swindle Users, F.T.C. Says

nytimes.com

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Re: Match.com Used Fake Ads to Swindle Users, F.T.C. Says

#481

Post by guskel »

mcv wrote: post #345
akuji1993 wrote: post #258

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The reality for someone like me, a very average looking guy, is then that I get zero messages. Doesn't really solve anything either.

Average looking shouldn't be a problem to most people. Just don't look for people who want to date models. Use a dating site that focuses on content and interest rather than looks. But even if you're somewhere where the initial decision has to be made based on a photo, you can make that photo interesting. I met my wife on a dating site 13 years ago (a small, cheap one focused specifically on Christians), and although…

You've been off the market for 13 years and have no clue how much things have changed.

Re: Match.com Used Fake Ads to Swindle Users, F.T.C. Says

#482

Post by guskel »

ClumsyPilot wrote: post #453
notyourday wrote: post #436

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If my reading is correct, the person who you responded to is a woman who has tried online dating. Even if it is not, that is probably a man who has tried online dating well and did well enough to be able to ask a woman he is dating/dated and shared what was told to them. Your response is quite illustrative of reactions men have to observations on this topic the women make -- they do not like it . They especially do n…

You seem to be confirming his viewpoint, if anything - the person is saying that some people are finding it difficult. Could be for any reason.

Mostly the reason is that the women don't find most men as passing their physical attractiveness threshold.

Re: Match.com Used Fake Ads to Swindle Users, F.T.C. Says

#483

Post by derefr »

big_chungus wrote: post #437
derefr wrote: post #380

Earlier quoted context omitted.

“Man” and “woman” are role scripts, i.e. requests to be treated differently in traditions that have those gendered role-slots (e.g. chivalry, weddings, etc.), which society goes along with. Society is fully willing to dispose of the scripts if you dispose of the gender identity. Just call yourself nonbinary and cultivate an androgynous appearance, and most of (the more cosmopolitan parts of) Western society—including…

> Society is fully willing to dispose of the scripts if you dispose of the gender identity Why is disposing of said "scripts" a good thing, especially to the extent that they are at least in part shaped by biological pre-dispositions? > cultivate an androgynous appearance, and most of... Wester society... will literally stop caring about your gender First, why would I need or want to "cultivate" an androgynous appear…

> France does not allow religion on dating apps? That seems like a very silly rule, as it is an excellent predictor of shared values.

I was talking about this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/French_law_on_secularity_and_c... (though I didn't realize until looking it up just now that it was only "in schools"; I was under the impression that it was in all public spaces.)

Re: Match.com Used Fake Ads to Swindle Users, F.T.C. Says

#484

Post by derefr »

blaser-waffle wrote: post #443
derefr wrote: post #375

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One simple technique a dating website could use to “disrupt” this market, without doing the only-women-can-contact thing, would be just to disallow men (or anyone) from sending messages with the same content as any message that person has sent previously.

So now I have to find new and unique ways to explain what I do for a living or where I live? > So where are you from? > Austin, Texa^H^H^H^H^H^H^H > Uh... the capital of Texarcana

First messages, not messages generally. I.e., you could never repeat a pick-up line, and therefore you probably wouldn't be able to use "pick-up lines" at all.

Re: Match.com Used Fake Ads to Swindle Users, F.T.C. Says

#485

Post by guskel »

jfengel wrote: post #468
mcv wrote: post #345

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Average looking shouldn't be a problem to most people. Just don't look for people who want to date models. Use a dating site that focuses on content and interest rather than looks. But even if you're somewhere where the initial decision has to be made based on a photo, you can make that photo interesting. I met my wife on a dating site 13 years ago (a small, cheap one focused specifically on Christians), and although…

Apps like Tinder seem like they'd be looks-focused, but it's true that a picture is worth a thousand words. What you're doing in the picture says a lot about you. So does being well-groomed and choosing a picture that's well-focused and well-composed. A nice smile goes a long way. Women aren't as looks-focused as a lot of frustrated men present them. Average is just fine, as long as your picture suggests somebody tha…

Do you have any data to back up your claims? Everything points to this not being the case.

Re: Match.com Used Fake Ads to Swindle Users, F.T.C. Says

#486

Post by derefr »

bluntfang wrote: post #399
derefr wrote: post #384

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Nobody owes me anything; but (single, lonely, would-really-like-a-partner) women might have a responsibility to strike up a conversation with somebody, somewhere, some of the time . Like a “good deed for the day” sort of thing, but a “fearless attempt to satisfy one’s own desires of-the-day” sort of thing. (Sort of in the mould of Rejection Therapy?) Though I would say, since a lot of the reason women don’t seem to h…

there's a phrase I use to remind myself of reality when I go down these thought paths: >Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them. Remind yourself the demographics who overwhelmingly commit violent crimes, especially domestic abuse, when considering relationship dynamics. Eliminating violent domestic abuse by men would help bring equity this situation.

Simple counterarguments: gay and lesbian culture.

If fear of romantic socializing were something correctly calibrated by knowledge of violent tendencies of your potential partners, then gay men would be just as afraid of asking other men out as women are—because, of course, there's the same probability of a male stranger to turn out to be a homicidal maniac, whether you're a man or a woman asking out that male stranger.

But gay men are not afraid of approaching other men—in fact, they approach one-another quite successfully, usually very quickly after first deciding they're attracted to someone. And gay men aren't all suddenly dying in ditches from all the homicidal maniacs they run into.

Meanwhile, lesbian women are just as socially-anxious about approaching other women, as straight women are about approaching men. One of the "universal experiences" of lesbian culture is feeling mutual attraction with someone, but neither of you working up the nerve to ask the other out, sometimes for years.

Seems less like this is any rational reaction to any properties of the romantic target, and more just a property of the subject.

Re: Match.com Used Fake Ads to Swindle Users, F.T.C. Says

#487

Post by pault »

notyourday wrote: post #426
megous wrote: post #356

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"Think of it as her being a customer and you being a sales person at Best Buy." Well that's the wrong approach right there. I'm glad to serve the needs of the other person, but I'll not approach someone with this mindset at the beginning (like sales people have to do). My approach at the beginning is that of exploration, and careless fun. I certainly don't want to start a relationship in a subservient role. Anyway, h…

> Well that's the wrong approach right there. I'm glad to serve the needs of the other person, but I'll not approach someone with this mindset at the beginning (like sales people have to do). And how is it working for you? Because this seems to be the approach advocated and practiced by the "nice guys" who complain that they can't get a date. > You walk up to someone, start opening your mouth for a word, and they swi…

Guys that claim that women aren't interested in them because they're too nice can't get a date because they don't understand women or themselves. There are plenty of nice guys that have success meeting women on their own terms. Women grow out of dating jerks in their twenties. Also, when a guy starts complaining about that, pay attention to the women he is pursuing. Are they nice, well balanced, and in his "league"? In my experience the guys who say that are chasing the female version of the "asshole" they claim is stealing all the women. Source: nice guy who has been dating nice girls for 15 years.

Re: Match.com Used Fake Ads to Swindle Users, F.T.C. Says

#488

Post by dang »

r0pchainer wrote: post #322
burneraccount12 wrote: post #295

Dating threads on HN honestly could be confused for incel message boards on Reddit. Some real quotes from this thread: 1. "As a male, it becomes very difficult to stand out if you are actually interested in someone." 2. "I know a few women that use Tinder: they are alone, late thirties and never got anything serious out of Tinder, but they use it to reassure their attractiveness" 3. "Bumble's rule is that Men are not…

You’ve perhaps forgotten 7. Call men incels because they’re not bowing down and bending over backwards to modern feminism. To everyone else, get off of dating apps, and if you’re looking for a serious partner for a solid long-term family, find someone from an eastern society, and preferably move to that part of the world. Enjoy whatever lays you get here, but do not get married. Society in the western world is no lon…

Please don't take HN threads further into ideological flamewar. That's not what this site is for.

https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

Re: Match.com Used Fake Ads to Swindle Users, F.T.C. Says

#489

Post by dang »

notyourday wrote: post #426
megous wrote: post #356

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"Think of it as her being a customer and you being a sales person at Best Buy." Well that's the wrong approach right there. I'm glad to serve the needs of the other person, but I'll not approach someone with this mindset at the beginning (like sales people have to do). My approach at the beginning is that of exploration, and careless fun. I certainly don't want to start a relationship in a subservient role. Anyway, h…

> Well that's the wrong approach right there. I'm glad to serve the needs of the other person, but I'll not approach someone with this mindset at the beginning (like sales people have to do). And how is it working for you? Because this seems to be the approach advocated and practiced by the "nice guys" who complain that they can't get a date. > You walk up to someone, start opening your mouth for a word, and they swi…

Would you please stop posting flamebaity, unsubstantive comments to HN? You've been doing it a lot lately, and it's too much.

https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

Re: Match.com Used Fake Ads to Swindle Users, F.T.C. Says

#490

Post by mcv »

guskel wrote: post #485
jfengel wrote: post #468

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Apps like Tinder seem like they'd be looks-focused, but it's true that a picture is worth a thousand words. What you're doing in the picture says a lot about you. So does being well-groomed and choosing a picture that's well-focused and well-composed. A nice smile goes a long way. Women aren't as looks-focused as a lot of frustrated men present them. Average is just fine, as long as your picture suggests somebody tha…

Do you have any data to back up your claims? Everything points to this not being the case.

What exactly points to that not being the case? A lot of people of average looks are happily married.
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