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‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

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Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#481

Post by seatdrummer »

77pt77 wrote: post #205
camelNotation wrote: post #105

I married very young. My wife and I had very little, both were working jobs for close to minimum wage with no marketable skills between us. So we sat down and decided what we wanted. We both wanted kids, she wanted to stay home with them when they were young. We both wanted a house of our own. We both wanted to live somewhere with family and friends that we could rely on to help us lay down roots and build that home.…

> Life is so much better if you just do what you evolved to do. > Pair up, get a trade, build a home You have evolved to reproduce. Getting a trade, building a home are very recent constructs and certainly not what you "evolved to do"

There are different reproductive strategies, but for the majority of men, raising a child to adulthood has been the way to go.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#482

Post by seatdrummer »

balls187 wrote: post #432
camelNotation wrote: post #350

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm not sure what you think religion is if not an evolved social construct. Do you actually think religion, with all its ritual and structure and beauty exists because cave men tried to explain away the things that scared them? It is the foundation of broader social order. It makes you feel part of something bigger than yourself. It makes it possible for you to relate positively with human beings outside the 300-400…

Religion and Evolution are typically at odds with each other. One is a social construct. The other is science.

This is hilarious anti-religion rhetoric, complete unwillingness to have evolution and religion in the same sentence. Twisting from how religion historically promotes community into the content of the religion itself. The content is irrelevant, what is important is the sense of community and bonding that religion has offered people for forever.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#483

Post by endtime »

radford-neal wrote: post #477
jf- wrote: post #260

Earlier quoted context omitted.

They probably shouldn’t though, being an old man when your kids are teenagers isn’t very fair on anyone.

I had a kid at age 51. That was 11 years ago. My age has caused no problems whatsoever. I don't expect it to be a problem in the future. People who are no longer young should simply ignore this sort of advice. Unless you're in (seriously) poor health, just go for it.

As a 32-year-old with 3 kids, my parents are still in their mid-50s and can watch our kids for a week while we go on vacation. My father-in-law passed away last in his mid-70s (my mother-in-law is amazing and is a huge help, but she can't watch 3 kids alone for a week). There's a good chance my parents will be at my kids' weddings.

When you're 83 and your kid is my age, he'll probably wish there was anything he could do to make you 20 years younger.

I'm not saying you shouldn't have had a kid, or anything like that, but I don't know how you can suggest that it will never be a problem that you are a relatively old father (versus if you had kids in your 30s, other things being equal, which obviously they aren't).

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#484

Post by alphabetslurry »

J-dawg wrote: post #357
thwy12321 wrote: post #351

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The weird thing is most people will call you a misogynist for bringing this up. I would argue that in most major US cities there is already a large "harem" dynamic. It's mostly invisible to the general population, but quite obvious if you're friends with men in the top 1 to 2% of dating potential.

You’re right, and it’s happening throughout the western world. As someone who is definitely not in the top 2%, there are some difficult truths to confront. It will be a strange time when & if it starts happening out in the open.

Is this /r/incels?

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#485

Post by Nomentatus »

TheBeardKing wrote: post #347
camelNotation wrote: post #244

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sounds like your perspective involves an omniscient ideal that does not and can not exist. Tradition exists for this very reason. We pass on what works, we do what works, and we don't presume to know what is better. That is what makes human beings so good at learning - we have the ability to hyper imitate one another. I see you doing something successfully, I don't need to know the actual process behind it, I just ne…

>I recommend church. It helps. You evolved to do that too. Wait, what? I laughed out loud at that.

Anthropology shows religion exists in various forms, but across societies. That's not a statistical accident.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#486

Post by seatdrummer »

JimboOmega wrote: post #402

I think a lot of people are ignoring the gendered context of the narrative she's presenting: the cultural notion that, as a woman, your value is measured in terms of your attractiveness and fertility. Those decline as you get older, and so does your value. When you are in your 20s you need to "make hay while the sun is shining", leveraging that to get where you want in life before the clock runs out. It's not a healt…

The painful truth is that reproductive worth is something that the woman is facing right now. Its fleeting and nearly gone.

Its also a type of worth that stands above most.There are very few jobs or hobbies the average person would be willing to die for in the same way they would for their infant child.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#487

Post by jf- »

radford-neal wrote: post #477
jf- wrote: post #260

Earlier quoted context omitted.

They probably shouldn’t though, being an old man when your kids are teenagers isn’t very fair on anyone.

I had a kid at age 51. That was 11 years ago. My age has caused no problems whatsoever. I don't expect it to be a problem in the future. People who are no longer young should simply ignore this sort of advice. Unless you're in (seriously) poor health, just go for it.

I debated about whether to post this, because it’s rather emotive, even unsettling, but on the off chance it might actually sway someone, I will.

The average life expectancy for a male in the USA is 76. All other things being equal, a 51 year old father will die when their offspring is 25 years old. This is too early to lose a parent. Think about how this would have effected you, reader of this post. This is also assuming that the father does not experience any debilitating illnesses prior to dying, such as dementia, which would place an inordinate burden on a young person, who would have far fewer resources and life experience to draw on during such an ordeal.

These are not small potatoes. Think before you act, be responsible. You’re gambling with someone else’s life and wellbeing.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#488

Post by thwy12321 »

JimboOmega wrote: post #412
thwy12321 wrote: post #351

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The weird thing is most people will call you a misogynist for bringing this up. I would argue that in most major US cities there is already a large "harem" dynamic. It's mostly invisible to the general population, but quite obvious if you're friends with men in the top 1 to 2% of dating potential.

It is misogynist in its worldview; the woman's value is her attractiveness (which declines with age), and a man's attractiveness (which may be a function of money as well as just looks) is all she cares about. Just because it is misogynist does not mean that women don't participate in it. But whenever you reduce human relationships to something "simple", you're likely doing something offensive.

"It is misogynist in its worldview"

How can something that's an accurate description of reality be misogynist? Unless you are claiming what I said to be false.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#489

Post by glitch003 »

camelNotation wrote: post #105

I married very young. My wife and I had very little, both were working jobs for close to minimum wage with no marketable skills between us. So we sat down and decided what we wanted. We both wanted kids, she wanted to stay home with them when they were young. We both wanted a house of our own. We both wanted to live somewhere with family and friends that we could rely on to help us lay down roots and build that home.…

I'm really glad that this worked out for you. You have a great partner and are very lucky for that. This won't be the case for everyone that follows your path. I can't help but be reminded of this quote:

"Realize that sleeping on a futon when you're 30 is not the worst thing. You know what's worse, sleeping in a king bed next to a wife you're not really in love with but for some reason you married, and you got a couple kids, and you got a job you hate. You'll be laying there fantasizing about sleeping on a futon. There's no risk when you go after a dream. There's a tremendous amount to risk to playing it safe."

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#490

Post by phs318u »

Meekro wrote: post #446
adamrezich wrote: post #417

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That and "Science." "Scientists" (catch-all term nobody seems to have a problem using with increasing frequency) are the new priest class.

There's definitely something to this. We HN readers see the occasional article about the crisis of reproducibility in science, which leads to some thoughtful discussion about the trustworthiness of the phrase "studies have shown," especially when it conflicts with one's own common sense. Sadly, this reflection is quickly forgotten.

I think that the overwhelming evidence of reality of modern existence - the fact that we don't live neolithic lives with neolithic lifespans - is sufficient proof that science has been overwhelmingly constructive and reflective of how the universe works.

Yes, there are issues, the incentivisation around publication etc makes it easy to game the system. However, to extrapolate this to a blanket attitude of distrusting science, "especially when it conflicts with one's own common sense", is incredibly dangerous because it's partly what has made large numbers of us so susceptible to overt manipulation.

"Common sense" is no such thing, and much of proven science could be construed as contradicting common sense. The light-speed limit, quantum spookiness, spacetime curvature, biological evolution - all were once considered contrary to "common sense" - mainly because "common sense" is ultimately derived from the extremely narrow and limited range of human experiences.

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