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‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

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Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#471

Post by neetdeth »

JimboOmega wrote: post #464
sheepmullet wrote: post #455

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Imagine how a man might pick a woman if attractiness was completely off the table Loyalty, playfulness, flexibility, kindness, intelligence, high energy levels, ability to have kids, doesn’t already have kids, etc. None of which are positively correlated with a woman’s age.

Some of these I would argue are positively correlated, especially loyalty and kindness. Some I would argue are a bit of a toss up, like intelligence. I am not sure what flexibility means (ability to adapt to change? I would argue that a 40 year old is more capable than a 20-something on average in that regard). Some I feel are more about having a similar level to a partner rather than being an absolute value (energy…

You're trying to contort a mate selection process that has an inherently sexual-reproductive basis (for most people) into an exercise in platonic pair bonding. It doesn't make sense as such, and it isn't supposed to. People are seeking fulfillment of motivations that are fundamentally evolutionary in nature.

For everything else, we have friendship. (Setting aside the evolutionary advantages of e.g. male coalition-building, which we really can't, but whatever!)

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#472

Post by lackbeard »

ransom1538 wrote: post #308
GlenTheMachine wrote: post #145

This probably won't be popular, but what the hell. I feel like, if you strip away the outward trappings and dogma, this is what religion is good for. Not in a "believe in Jesus" or "trust in God" kind of way, but in a "how to orient your life" kind of way. Which is to say, the actually useful portion of religion generally teaches that your best life is probably not focused on you. It isn't about finding yourself, or…

If you are in this situation, if you have 20 minutes, watch 4 vidoes: https://www.youtube.com/user/DaveRamseyShow This man specializes in this.

Which 4 videos?

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#473

Post by thebear »

Have you seen the old girl who walks the streets of London, Dirt in her hair and her clothes in rags. She's no time for talking, she just keeps right on walking, Carrying her home in two carrier bags. So how can you tell me you're lonely, And say for you that the sun don't shine. Let me take you by the hand and walk with you the streets of London, Show you something to make you change your mind.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#474

Post by pizzazzaro »

nostromo wrote: post #10

I think the parents of many 20 and 30-somethings played a role in so many young(ish) adults failing to launch. American parents could learn a thing or two about parenting from previous generations and from a lot of immigrant families: nobody owes you anything, plan for a rainy day, find a partner you love and commit to them, work hard, cherish friends and family even when it's difficult, etc. I think parenting has ov…

You sound like someone who has never experienced poverty.

Meanwhile, the original prompt of the inciting content has... Two days' hotel stay of savings.

That's what this is about. The lack of meaning, the alienation after being told "we could be anything we want" when we grow up, to having no choice but to settle for careers in "whatever almost pays bills" since the collapse of 2008.

We're bitter. We're ashamed of where we've been and what we've done to survive. And you know what happens when we get over that? We get angry, we may get political. We might even snap.

If we're technically minded? I'm mad that I dont see more hacktivists.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#475

Post by sheepmullet »

JimboOmega wrote: post #464
sheepmullet wrote: post #455

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Imagine how a man might pick a woman if attractiness was completely off the table Loyalty, playfulness, flexibility, kindness, intelligence, high energy levels, ability to have kids, doesn’t already have kids, etc. None of which are positively correlated with a woman’s age.

Some of these I would argue are positively correlated, especially loyalty and kindness. Some I would argue are a bit of a toss up, like intelligence. I am not sure what flexibility means (ability to adapt to change? I would argue that a 40 year old is more capable than a 20-something on average in that regard). Some I feel are more about having a similar level to a partner rather than being an absolute value (energy…

> positively correlated, especially loyalty

How does a string of short term relationships show loyalty?

> flexibility means (ability to adapt to change?

Yes and the willingness.

I’ve known plenty of early 20s women who will drop their careers to follow their boyfriend overseas and very few in their 30s who will.

> I can't understand how emotional maturity is of no value

Why should a man find it valuable in a partner?

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#476

Post by SmirthsDAC »

MRD85 wrote: post #177
ep103 wrote: post #149

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Honest question, how do you meet them? I find things like dating apps are horribly tilted to the young?

Mainly dating apps. I live in a very large city and I keep my age filters somewhat appropriate (27-35). If you struggle with dating apps I'd recommend getting decent photos, even if you need to pay a photographer and spend a day taking good Tinder/etc photos. Dating, even from people looking for serious partners, is a very shallow game. The more attractive someone finds you, the more interest they'll show you. This m…

So a wider age range is inappropriate for your age? 27-35 seems fairly narrow. What are your limits for appropriate age range?

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#477

Post by radford-neal »

jf- wrote: post #260
MRD85 wrote: post #221

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Men don't have the same time pressure to start a family with many starting at 45+. The other thing is men often become more attractive to women as they age due to things like financial success while the same can't be said for women.

They probably shouldn’t though, being an old man when your kids are teenagers isn’t very fair on anyone.

I had a kid at age 51. That was 11 years ago. My age has caused no problems whatsoever. I don't expect it to be a problem in the future.

People who are no longer young should simply ignore this sort of advice. Unless you're in (seriously) poor health, just go for it.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#478

Post by kelnos »

J-dawg wrote: post #450
ashika wrote: post #265

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As other posters mention, no path in life is guaranteed to be fulfilling for all individuals. Given that, you shouldn't feel sorry for anyone who has had the opportunity to lead their life according to their own principles. And that is all "feminists" want, the ability for women/all people to be considered equal, responsible agents.

This is very incisive comment. Indeed the woman in the article has had the opportunity to live her life according to her own agency, and it’s perhaps condescending of me to feel sorry for her. But on the other hand, I still think it’s ok to feel pity for someone who has been misled by a social movement that claimed to have all the answers, when it really didn’t. And most importantly, we should be free to criticise th…

I think the heart of the issue is that feminism promotes what the end state should be. If you're a woman and try to live your life as if feminism has already "won", then you're going to encounter some setbacks. Hopefully there will be a day when men and women actually are considered socially, legally, economically, etc. equal, but we're not there yet.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#479

Post by smallgovt »

camelNotation wrote: post #105

I married very young. My wife and I had very little, both were working jobs for close to minimum wage with no marketable skills between us. So we sat down and decided what we wanted. We both wanted kids, she wanted to stay home with them when they were young. We both wanted a house of our own. We both wanted to live somewhere with family and friends that we could rely on to help us lay down roots and build that home.…

>> There's no way to hack life and make it better in any real way.

This is a very close-minded statement. You've found happiness in your personal life by successfully aligning your actions with a traditional value system, and that's great! But, it's apparent you haven't fully considered other walks of life that align with different value systems.

Take, for example, a man I know who is paralyzed from the neck down, has no family to call his own, yet is probably the happiest man you'll find around. He has found meaning in his injury and its ability to help others grow.

The mind is extremely resilient and adaptable. I would argue that your life path is the EASIEST path to long-term fulfillment in modern western society, but it is NOT the ONLY way. Making such a claim is doing a huge disservice to people like the woman in the article.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#480

Post by dnissley »

ryanmercer wrote: post #24

(Edit: see, the internet alone is part of what is wrong with the world. I share that I feel completely alone and miserable and what does the internet do? Downvote. Did you bother to comment negatively or just provide some sort of reason as to why you don't like my comment? Nah, 'here have a downvote' because you're safe and comfortable in your anonymity where you can freely show someone you don't like them because th…

After clicking around your comment history and blog for a bit... I see you grew up and live in Indy -- I did as well until I moved to Chicago earlier this year, and we're around the same age (I'm 30). Some of what you've written definitely reminds me of myself years ago.

My (admittedly incomplete) impression of you is that you seem smart, but that you've got a lot of strong beliefs about things that don't seem to be working that well for you. I'm not sure I have any advice for that, but in my life I've found that my beliefs and values have changed and shifted over time. Usually those changes were started by external circumstances, followed by me choosing to let go of beliefs I was emotionally invested in (definitely not easy).

An example: I used to hold a pretty dim view of people, but I have changed this view over time and now see that most people are a mix of good and bad. The catalyst here was just trying to adjust my belief to be accurate -- people do a lot of good (in addition to the bad), and I couldn't square that with my existing belief that people were basically bad.

Probably the biggest external circumstance that forced me to change many beliefs was getting married, which will probably be unrelatable to you, but I'll try to relate it to you anyways: Getting into a romantic relationship changed my priorities because of the way it made me feel, and how all of a sudden I felt I had someone to really live for and strive to help in a way that I had never even really felt about myself. Things that previously seemed insignificant all of a sudden felt extremely significant. E.g. getting a better job, because I wanted to better provide.

Dating tips? Learn to filter -- go on as many dates as you can and figure out what kind of people you really work with. If you only go on one date every 6 months, you're not going to be able to figure out what it is that you really want in a partner. You might be able to do the same to find platonic friends? I haven't had a group of guys that I hang out with since high school, but my SO fulfills the friendship role mostly, and I'm too busy to even try right now.

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