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The day I accidentally killed a little boy

bbc.co.uk

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Re: The day I accidentally killed a little boy

#471

Post by Myrmornis »

0942v8653 wrote: post #169
Myrmornis wrote: post #66

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Non-parent here. I’m surprised to hear calls for a Netflix “safe space” from adults on HN rather than from whiny kids at a liberal arts college. It’s obvious that you’re sincere and that becoming a parent has affected you profoundly.

There's a chasm of difference between electing not to consume some form of entertainment, and refusing to listen to an argument or speech in a university environment. Most of the time when harm to a child is depicted in a film or television show, it is sort of a cheap, unfair way to get at the viewer's emotions. What is suggested here is nowhere near the same thing as having a "safe space" which restricts the speech…

I don't know much about TV, but sad things have happened to children throughout history and this features in many great works of literature. To filter the cultural/artistic output that you consume based on whether or not it contains something one finds upsetting is a great mistake. I think that that applies even to your evening TV entertainment, but it certainly applies to undergraduate education in the humanities.

Re: The day I accidentally killed a little boy

#473

Post by drewm1980 »

androck1 wrote: post #400
lsc wrote: post #375

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think that the lesson of the article is not that weirdos or strangers make the world a dangerous and ugly place, but that we, the regular people who vote for and move to areas with zoning densities that make public transit impractical, who commute long distances in cars, make the world a dangerous and ugly place. Every time we get into a car, we are choosing to take a risk not only with our own life, but with the l…

The lesson of this article is that unfortunate things, that come with a lifetime of grief, happen to good people. And perhaps more importantly, that empathy and understanding are incredibly powerful. It is true that we should take "the responsibility of driving a lot more seriously, and treating driving as something risky" but treating this as a story about driving less broadly misses the point.

I agree with you about how the article is written, but "bad things happen to good people" isn't an idea that will save lives. "Find a way to stop driving, because it IS your fault if you kill someone with your automobile" is. She chose to drive, killed someone as a direct result of her decision, and then chose to continue driving. She was surround by car culture enablers (her dad immediately fixing the car instead of selling it, the cops asking her to drive more carefully instead of revoking her driver's license permanently, etc...), and is now propagating the "wrong place at the wrong time" myth herself. If she accidentally kills another child will she write up a follow up article to this? Maybe she'll give up something else related to driving the second time?

Re: The day I accidentally killed a little boy

#474

Post by __throwaway715 »

DanBC wrote: post #452
LordKano wrote: post #448

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Have a look at the Megan's Law registry. Tell me how close the nearest violent sexual predator is to you. A few months ago, I discovered that one lived on my street. He has since been arrested and is no longer in the neighborhood. But, it's not just out-of-place perverts. I am also on the lookout for under supervised children who "play" too violently. I knew that I would be concerned about vehicles, so I was sure to…

Children are sexually abused by family members, then by adults at schools and clubs they visit. Abuse by strangers is rare.

True - my molester was a long time friend of the family, close enough that me going on a vacation trip to his state park campground trailer wasn't an unusual summer thing. Took me 25 years to remember exactly what had gone on, and a couple of years of therapy to get back to somewhat steady on my emotional feet. Never 100% sure of that anymore, but I try.

Re: The day I accidentally killed a little boy

#475

Post by arca_vorago »

"People thought they knew me but I didn't talk about probably the most significant event in my life." really speaks to me and my experience and isolation as a combat vet. I highly suggest two things for others with ptsd, which is what is most likely; cannabis as medicine, (self)cognitive behavorhal therapy exercises. For those who aren't away, advances in immersion c(e)bt with VR have been showing major promise for the desensitation and coping process, and is one of the reasons why I'm ready for VR to advance a generation or two.

"The way of the warrior is the resolute acceptance of death" ~ Miyamoto Musashi

Re: The day I accidentally killed a little boy

#476

Post by RHSeeger »

leonroy wrote: post #389
parasubvert wrote: post #360

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is that kind of paranoia productive? Especially considering we are at historically low crime rates. A very young child needs supervision and precautions to prevent them from hurting themselves, as this article sadly shows, and even then, its blind bad luck sometimes. But otherwise I can’t think any of my family (two young kids, 1 year and 8 years) or friends (many kids of various ages) being super cautious about thei…

Excellent points. There was an article where the author interviewed a bunch of kids a few decades back and examined how they played and then revisited them 20 years later to see how their kids played. The original group of kids played across a very large area (something like a couple square miles of woodland) and roamed across their hometowns with little oversight. Two decades later their children by comparison were…

Part of it is society, too. If you were to let your (young) children play in the woods at a mile from your house... and something happened to them, there's a fair chance that society would blame you nowadays. Heck, I'd venture to guess that there's a fair chance the court could take away your parental rights in a situation like that. What is considered acceptable by society has changed a LOT over the years.

Re: The day I accidentally killed a little boy

#477

Post by DarronWyke »

rhino369 wrote: post #217
ceejayoz wrote: post #172

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Most countries are fairly homogenous, which lends itself to a singular-ish mindset and culture. I see this stated a lot by folks in Europe vs. the US discussions, but having visited both I'm pretty baffled by it. Switzerland has four national languages - hop on a train for an hour or two and you may go from French to German areas. The folks in Paris would laugh at the idea that they've got the same culture as Prove…

America may be made of up people with anncestry from all over the world, but we have a very homogenous culture. The only major differences are urban, suburuban and rural, but rural people in California are pretty similar to rural people in Virigina.

I'd disagree. I've been to both. Rural California has a very different mindset than say the rural parts of the Appalachians. Out there, there's a fierce push for independence and self-sufficiency. A lot of that comes from just regional outlooks on life, government, rights, and more. Having been from California, the whole "Southern Hospitality" thing surprised me and just the general way people treat random strangers, as a very simple example.

Re: The day I accidentally killed a little boy

#478

Post by dsnuh »

mnm1 wrote: post #404
leonroy wrote: post #389

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Excellent points. There was an article where the author interviewed a bunch of kids a few decades back and examined how they played and then revisited them 20 years later to see how their kids played. The original group of kids played across a very large area (something like a couple square miles of woodland) and roamed across their hometowns with little oversight. Two decades later their children by comparison were…

My parents also placed perceived (by them) safety above everything else when I was a teenager. I missed out on a lot of things in life and am still missing out on things due to never having learned essential life skills and never having had essential experiences. I still resent them for that and so does my sister. Sometimes, I think parents only think of themselves, as strange as that might sound in this context. It'…

I think you hit the nail on the head. So much of today's parenting zeitgeist feels driven by narcissism. I feel like this is another effect of the rise of social media.

Re: The day I accidentally killed a little boy

#479

Post by madez »

gnicholas wrote: post #421
hnaccy wrote: post #402

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Having you head on a swivel for would-be child snatchers at all times seems like irrational paranoia. I imagine it's the deceptively mundane that is the true danger, automobiles being the most obvious.

This is true. The number of child abductions by strangers in the U.S. is extraordinarily low—in the neighborhood of 100 per year [1, 2]. There are lots of abductions, of course, but nearly all of them are by family members, acquaintances of the family, or other non-strangers. https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/five-myths-about-mis... http://reason.com/blog/2017/03/31/kidnapping-stats

The same is true for murders. The objectively statistically most dangerous people are those around you that you know relatively well, not some random stranger passing by or sitting on the next bench. This irriational fear of danger of strangers stops us from bonding with new people.

Re: The day I accidentally killed a little boy

#480

Post by DanBC »

LordKano wrote: post #456
DanBC wrote: post #452

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Children are sexually abused by family members, then by adults at schools and clubs they visit. Abuse by strangers is rare.

True. My position as a sheepdog isn't limited to strangers. My children aren't unsupervised with many relatives or family friends either. They're also not left unsupervised with clergy.

Research is tricky, but at the moment we think the person most likely to abuse a child is their sibling.
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