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How to talk to anyone and why you should

theguardian.com

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Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#461

Post by randcraw »

johnnyanmac wrote: post #211
skirmish wrote: post #97

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had a recent encounter with a guy in a coffee shop who approached me and wanted to discuss recent sportsball games in great detail. I had no idea what he was talking about, I don't even know the local teams, after living here 30 years. He had no other topics.

Yeah, that's issue #2 or 3 with me. My life has pretty much been minmaxed to be the stereotypical nerd. I don't have much "small talk" topics to approach with. I want to change that too, but that involves time for hobbies instead of job searching and worrying about debt.

I abhor small talk. It's physically painful. I've heard that's often true of some cultures, especially northern europeans.

I think the trick to converse on a more engaging level is to introduce conversation that invites deeper thought. Somehow you need to intrigue the other person. Compel them through curiosity to leave their comfort zone and join you where you'd prefer to be.

IMO, even disagreement can be agreeable if it's not confrontational, if you genuinely express curiosity to learn what they think, what they care about.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#462

Post by hiddenpx »

LoganDark wrote: post #164
phatskat wrote: post #66

Earlier quoted context omitted.

When I was staying with my older brothers, one of their magazines was along the lines of maybe a GQ but in the 90’s, iirc I was probably in middle school, and probably reading content a bit above my age level in terms of concept. One of their articles though was about “talking to women” but it also emphasized just talking to _anyone_. It had suggestions like “if you’re out at the bar, just ask to sit with a random gr…

It really helps to learn in an environment where failure isn't emotionally catastrophic. If you only talk to people that are interesting or important to you, then you can end up learning the wrong things because failure hits so hard. The desperation this can create will further serve to drive people away! People need to feel like it's safe to develop relations with you, rather than like you're trying to manipulate th…

Wow. I just learned something about myself. Thanks for this insight!

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#463

Post by basilikum »

johnnyanmac wrote: post #213
general_reveal wrote: post #6

Earlier quoted context omitted.

For what it’s worth, they are living a AI pivot. TOS just changed so they keep transcripts of all voice and actually pop it into an LLM to subjectively determine your karma points. They are absolutely selling audio data for fine tuning purposes imho, and they are absolutely training on all audio. It’s a AI shovel selling company for sure.

And people wonder why others say we are living in a "low trust society". You can only read a story like this so many times before you decide to simply opt out of society.

Don't let tech companies set your view of people in general.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#464

Post by jmcqk6 »

miroljub wrote: post #270
SequoiaHope wrote: post #11

After a bad breakup in 2015, I followed some advice from the socialskills subreddit to “talk to everyone” so that you get better at talking to women you might want to date. The advice was not to only talk to attractive people but everyone. The old man reading a Russian newspaper, the kid on bike doing tricks, people in the elevator. I do that now and it brings me a lot of joy. Recently while leaving a botanical garde…

This advice is not for everyone. Obviously this works only if you are an extrovert. Introverts would find this kind of interaction a wasteful use of limited social energy available to them.

Making global declarations about introverts isn't really useful beyond the basics. I'm an introvert and my life has gotten noticeably better once I started intentionally talking to people more. I still need to have my own time to recharge. That hasn't changed. The thing that changed is that I'm not longer inhabiting the self-imposed prison of thinking social interaction was not for me.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#465

Post by basilikum »

est wrote: post #261

I used to avoid talking to people because it always turns out to be an argument Later I realized this is wrong on my part, talking is all about talking, let the vibe continue and don't let it die.

The only way to win an argument is to avoid it.

Also let the other person do most of the talking.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#466

Post by Joeri »

maplant wrote: post #427
tumdum_ wrote: post #28

We are living in a dictatorship of extroverts, who go out of their way (what a suprprise) to tell us that their ways are obviously better.

A dictatorship? Are you being forced at gunpoint to talk to people? Perhaps more unsurprisingly, at the mere suggestion that socializing is good for you (it demonstrably is https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11403199/ ), you went and wrote a comment that I can only imagine someone who is deeply unhappy would write.

That is not a kind judgment. While I hesitate at the word “dictatorship” it is fair to say that society puts more value on extrovert interaction than introvert contemplation, and it does this because extroverts dominate the social conversation.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#468

Post by temp-thrw-999 »

I am anonymously writing this because it is a strange outcome of talking to someone by making an effort to do so. I never intended anything when I made an effort to speak with a girl , but to my surprise it ended up with an offer to meet and an invitation for more !! I never thought it would happen to me because I am neither good looking or handsome kinds.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#469

Post by basilikum »

reddalo wrote: post #266
jmye wrote: post #217

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What a bizarre perspective. Have you never gotten any personal value out of a single conversation in your entire life? Have you never made a friend? I don't understand this "all conversations are bad and useless" nonsense. What on earth do you think you're doing on social media?

I'm not saying that all conversations are bad. I'm just talking about the one hour one-sided conversations described in the article.

One of the basic rules of starting conversations with other people is letting the other person do most of the talking. People like talking about themselves. So the old lady in the article violated that rule. That isn't to say that just talking to people instead of actually talking with them will never work. You might be lucky and the person you talk to just happens to be very interested in what you want to tell them, but it is rather unlikely.

Once you have shown that you are interested in someone by listening to them and thereby learning about them, you might sometimes find that they might also be interested in something you can share with them. The easiest way to get someone interested in you is to first get interested in them.

It's a pretty simple principle, but since people like to talk about themselves they often do not follow it.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#470

Post by wwalker2112 »

One thing I've done to improve my communication with strangers is to stop trying to think of the perfect way to start a conversation or question.

Some of the best conversations I've had started by me asking or telling someone something in a awkward or overly simplified way at first. It takes the pressure off of both of you and a more natural conversation takes place as you both work to get on the same page, which takes time and leads to more conversation.

In the past I'd think of the perfect sentence with little nuances and edge cases covered in that sentence to what I was trying to convey, which would result in no real conversation to even take place.

Of course you will run into people who are unfriendly and won't receive this well but overall it's lead to more pleasant and natural conversations.

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