Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

femfosec.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

461–470 of 770 posts

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#461

Post by jacobolus »

JPKab wrote: post #455
jacobolus wrote: post #445

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Your comment would be a lot more effective if it didn't suggest that women's rights activists only care about landing jobs at Google and are "absolutely corrupt". The sentences linking identical twins to "twisted and toxic" are also weird. There are some kernels of insight there, but this is not a remotely accurate characterization of any of the women's rights activists I have ever met, and it largely comes across to…

I’m a twin. How you read that as me calling twins twisted and toxic is rather confusing to me. It was obvious that I was referring to the system that forces these delays in reproduction.

It comes across as «I am a twin and it's horrible that other kids are forced to be twins.»

And «I had my kid at age 23, and it is 'twisted and toxic' that other parents delay having children until their mid 30s. They should do what I did.»

Neither of which is likely to be your intention, which is why I would recommend rephrasing.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#462

Post by munificent »

ZephyrBlu wrote: post #149
munificent wrote: post #131

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> it would be irresponsible for us to adopt while both of us are working. You are falling into the classic nerd trap which is doing an absolute evaluation when you should be making a relative comparison. The question is not, "Can I raise this adopted child in the optimal way?" The question is, "Will I raise this child at least as good as the other parents they are likely to end up with instead?" It's not like if you…

I have learned that making relative comparisons is useless if you are not at the average. If you are more capable than the average person, sure you can settle for an around average outcome, but that is very unsatisfying. The way I perceive things is that I'm going to do something, I'll do it really well or not at all.

> sure you can settle for an around average outcome,

Evaluating only a single outcome and deciding whether or not it is "average" is still doing an absolute evaluation and falling into the same trap.

The actionable question is not, "How good of an outcome will I get if I do X?" It's "How will the outcome of doing X compare to the outcome of doing Y or Z instead?"

I am in absolute terms a well below average medical practitioner. I haven't even taken a first aid class since I was a Boy Scout. Imagine I'm at the scene of a car crash and someone is bleeding out. Should I help? According to the philosophy "if I can't do something well I shouldn't do it at all", I should keep my hands clean.

But if I'm the only person on the scene and they're about to die, trying a little direct pressure is better than nothing. My well-below-average in absolute terms medical care is the best choice because all of the other options are terrible.

Maybe because we tend to be perfectionists, but I often see here on HN people completely underestimating how bad the alternative outcomes can be. Like they say about self-driving cars: the robot doesn't have to be perfect, just better than a human.

You don't have to have the best solution, just the least bad one.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#463

Post by neonate »

irae wrote: post #327
Nimitz14 wrote: post #297

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Best of luck calming the baby down without the mother.

I won't assume you don't have kids, but what you said does not align with my experience at all. I have two kids from different relationships, and as dad, in both cases, I calmed down my kids better than the mothers did. They both relied on me specially in the worst baby crying situations. I don't think I am an exception in ability or anything, I just cared to go learn a bit about babies, that's all. Thought a couple…

So how do you do it? I want to be good at calming babies too!

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#464

Post by lotsofpulp »

dcow wrote: post #443
lotsofpulp wrote: post #188

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>1. I didn't say it needs to be a women, I am highlighting that there’s a stigma against women performing that role today. I'm not aware of any stigma from women being stay at home moms. My impression is that most, if not all, people are aware that money gives you power (or freedom, if you will). And who doesn't like freedom. There's also less security of income for everyone, so a household relying on one spouse's in…

True about income security. I am interested in a solution that looks something like the homemaking person operating as something that resembles a sole proprietorship focused on the care of children. Not a perfect solution but something in that vein. Re “too easy”: I’m not talking about just wanting to raise a healthy family, the implication is that you actually do it. And that takes a lot of hard work. The suggestion…

>Re “too easy”: I’m not talking about just wanting to raise a healthy family, the implication is that you actually do it. And that takes a lot of hard work.

And how do you discern if your potential partner is and willing to do the hard work? One way is to use the type of work they do as a proxy. Maybe it's not a good proxy, but I think it is one in use in much of the dating market.

I agree with most of the rest of your comment, but people are just trying to play with the cards they have, even if that results in undesirable long term consequences for society. In the US, I blame all the voters who have somehow not prioritized parental leave and adequate time at home with children. I guess many of us want to be able to shop at grocery stores and eat at restaurants at 9PM at minimum cost.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#465

Post by nitemice »

ksdale wrote: post #239

I agree completely with the premise that most people don't appreciate just how fleeting fertility can be, but I think rather than freezing eggs, the solution is for people to normalize having children at a younger age and designing work and home life around children existing and even being present in certain work contexts. Obviously freezing your eggs is something that you can do as individual without society's input…

But it's not just about work/home balance. It's also about being in a financially sound position, in a strong enough relationship with the "right" person, to be able to have a child. And that's increasingly hard for young people today, with the cost of living being higher than ever, wage growth hitting a wall, and attitudes towards relationships changing. Having a baby isn't as simple as deciding to do it.

The problem is that society has been moving in basically the exact opposite direction for quite a while now. Anyone married under 25 is seen as weird and rushing into something, and anyone with a child at that age is assumed to have gotten themselves there by accident.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#466

Post by kansface »

austincheney wrote: post #7

The only logical answer here is youth. The younger you are the more fertile you are. This is true for both men and women, but more true for women. If you want children at some point in life then prioritize children first and early. I know, this puts your ambitious career on hold for a while and start ups require huge ambition. Still, start up opportunities will not be hyper critically different in the future than the…

> Still, start up opportunities will not be hyper critically different in the future than they are now. In the future you may not be able to have children.

This is not accurate for people with kids. A startup is an all encompassing job that pays very little in the short term and has a small chance at ever paying out a large amount. The opportunity cost of a real job is enormous.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#467

Post by munificent »

rantwasp wrote: post #353
munificent wrote: post #124

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think the initial intent of feminism was that "have it all" meant "here is a buffet of life paths and each individual is free to pick which ones they want in order to live a meaningful life." But somehow that's turned into, "we put all of the life paths on your plate and if you don't eat them all, you're a failure". We went from "you can" to "you must". Maybe there's something fundamental in the nature of esteem an…

offtopic: Hey munificent! Great fan of your books. Keep up the great work!

waves and gets back to work

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#468

Post by evnc »

Aaargh20318 wrote: post #202
austincheney wrote: post #7

The only logical answer here is youth. The younger you are the more fertile you are. This is true for both men and women, but more true for women. If you want children at some point in life then prioritize children first and early. I know, this puts your ambitious career on hold for a while and start ups require huge ambition. Still, start up opportunities will not be hyper critically different in the future than the…

> The only logical answer here is youth. No, the only real answer is that you are in no way required to reproduce. There are more than enough humans. Humanity is basically a plague.

This is essentially ecofascism and is not compatible with a modern free society.

I actually like humanity, and I want it to persist. Many of my best friends are humans.

(I'm not trying to throw around "fascist" as a cheap insult: this is an actual ideology, and "humans are basically a plague" is a core tenent.)

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#469

Post by jimmygrapes »

coryfklein wrote: post #450
tomcam wrote: post #435

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Thanks. This is something dudes can't write about. My wife & I simply decided decades ago that one of us would always not work. We lived cheaply so we could accomplish that goal, but we wanted a good family life. I would have been happy to be a househusband because she's about 50 times the programmer I am, but she doesn't love business and I do. We ended up doing great, but we had to start out assuming that a 2-caree…

Why can't men write about it?

For the same reasons it needs to be written about.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#470

Post by JPKab »

dang wrote: post #460
JPKab wrote: post #392

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As a father who had his first child at 23 years of age, the corporate/SV world is just AWFUL to women who don't want to have to rely on IVF to have kids. And often the worst perpetrators of said awfulness are other women who themselves are delaying having kids. They have sacrificed, and really don't like the women who they view as "not making the same sacrifice". It's all around just awful to pit human biology agains…

I appreciate your posting about your personal experience but your comment also crosses into an ideological flamewar rant and we don't want those here. Please stick to the former and edit out the latter in the future. https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

Will do, and yes, you are correct. Shouldn't have gone into that territory.
Post reply on HN