451–460 of 740 posts
This is easily the most depressing thread I've ever encountered on HN. Women aren't sleeping with men because we know this is what you all really think of us. I'm not interested in someone with such levels of disdain for my entire gender.
This is unfortunately par for the course whenever sex and dating come up on HN.
I should know better.
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Yes. I think many people are missing the point, which is that all these failures of intimacy are downstream from failures of community, of sociality in general (cf. "Bowling Alone"). Our culture has shifted further toward valuing the individual over the group, which means that many individuals no longer have recourse to a group in order to find partners, friends, etc. Men are not just "not having sex", they are lonel…
> Our culture has shifted further toward valuing the individual over the group Further from where? For better or worse, America has always been a deeply individualist country. Is it maybe the case that now the less savory consequences of that are more visible than ever before?
Even the "IQ Shredder" concept you linked in the other branch is evidence for this, that people uproot themselves and head into the cities, where they become lonely and fail to meet a partner and have children. Of course, this happened to some extent a while ago (like when HP Lovecraft moved to Brooklyn), but the combination (1) of lack of economic opportunity outside of cities, (2) high apartment turnover within cities, and (3) high rates of moving away for college all create a potent force pushing individuals away from stable communities and toward potential isolation.
They buried the lede here. > Sexual activity was largely unchanged among unmarried women, along with no notable decline among gay men, researchers reported. Basically sex is following the pattern of wealth. Men as a group aren't having less sex, instead there's a winner take all effect where a small number of men are having a lot of sex with a lot of women while a large number of men are having little to no sex. It'l…
I've noticed this among the young men in my extended family and friends. One guy is model cute, and goes out on Tinder "dates" whenever he wants (new girl weekly, at least). He had a live-in girlfriend, but with an open relationship. And if I were one of these women, I'd probably do the same thing. Even if you can't marry a hottie, if you can have sex with one a few times, that still sounds like fun. The other guys,…
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Most men are going for the 18-25 year old group simply as a matter of preference. We aren't interested in women that are "waiting to lower their standards". So as a man, you figure out what that age group wants and then you try to get it.
> Most men are going for the 18-25 year old group simply as a matter of preference. Yes, that's why we don't want to sleep with them. We have a inexplicable dislike for men who are interested in our age first and everything else second. > We aren't interested in women that are "waiting to lower their standards" Good because they only exist in men's minds as a sad excuse. > So as a man, you figure out what that age gr…
Speak of a depressing thread and it shall appear.
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> Instead, video games and pot. If their free time is about video games and pot, I would say they only have themselves to blame.
I generally agree with this but I think our society has somehow morphed into a place where you have to actively and mindfully avoid this lifestyle. Video games, binge watching, pornography, fast food, pot, alcohol, etc. The drugs of the modern world are pervasive and this lifestyle is not stigmatized whatsoever even though it is a recipe for depression.
Whoa! I never thought of this, and it seems particularly more apt of an observation with the trend towards legalizing marijuana, and even further, decriminalizing other drugs like mushrooms and LSD.
On top of that, games have adopted more and more gambling-like and actual features, and have long been playing on peoples' addictive natures by design.
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I don't see where we disagree. Both can be true.
Well your answer revolves around dating which is not casual sex. In that answer you address how men should treat women, but men aren't having sex because they simply aren't talking to women at all... it has nothing to do with how they treat them. This is an issue of self confidence: both the lack of it in men, and the steadily increasing amount of it in women.
So, that's why I think it's more likely that we are actually in agreement. Yes, I agree, it seems like many of the people complaining here and also in the research aren't putting themselves in a position to get turned down at all. (Or if they are it's in some minimal way like putting a profile on Tinder and not being very active).
They buried the lede here. > Sexual activity was largely unchanged among unmarried women, along with no notable decline among gay men, researchers reported. Basically sex is following the pattern of wealth. Men as a group aren't having less sex, instead there's a winner take all effect where a small number of men are having a lot of sex with a lot of women while a large number of men are having little to no sex. It'l…
I don't see many people here talking about how they engaged in intentional self improvement.
You aren't owed a significant other, or sex. Nobody is. If you're not getting it, it's not because someone else was born hotter than you.
Stupid, ugly people fuck all the time.
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> believe many of these men will eventually find someone once enough of the women who are now rejecting them face biological realities and are forced to settle if they want to have children. Who wants to be last choice? Maybe many of these men will wise up and marry a foreign girl(despite the usual shaming) or just hire sexual workers.
The assumption that a "foreign girl" is easier to get is both offensive and wrong. Given the ratio of men and women in Asian culture for example, it's a much crowder competition space. That's even more true considering the fact that a large percentage of those Asian women in the US are either highly educated, or from wealthy families that sent them study abroad. They look for partners who are equally educated/success…
we compete for mates in relatively tight geographic circles. that means that one's attractiveness can change purely based on location (arbitrage in the american english sense of the word).
handsome, blue eyed, blonde haired men are a dime a dozen in Berlin, NYC and Seattle. that can be massively arbitraged in Latin America and SE Asia (possibly elsewhere); you suddenly have exotic and attractive features. similarly for wealth: $100K is mediocre in NYC and fairly rich in above locales. etc.
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I wrote a comment that dives into this a bit ~3 months ago: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=22407388 If you don't want to read the whole thing (it's brief though, so consider it, and includes citations that I don't want to pollute this thread with), the high level TLDR is (based on the data) men are content to date down, women are not, and economically disadvantaged men (which there are more of due to globalizat…
men are content to date down, women are not This misses a fundamental point that has been made clear since the advent of Tinder and the like. The terrible experience and loneliness of men not in the top 20% on those apps is because the women on them are not content to date on their level , or even below several rungs above them. Let alone "date down". I've seen this happen with multiple friends of mine, decent (not n…
I remember when I was a young man, I absolutely struggled to get a date even though I tried very hard. I was always rejected. Women didn't even want to talk to me! If I small chatted with them they would always find some reason to get out of the conversation.
When I did actually manage to get a date it was because the woman specifically went after me. I had a small relationship with her but it mostly fizzled out over time.
I spent most of my youth simply working and getting my degree. Now I am 30 years old, have a solid career and excellent financials. I have a spouse now and I don't bother with these young entitled women anymore.
I think all men should do the same. Work hard, get a good career and then find a woman who is also financially successful.
There are two coaching perspectives that I think are useful for single men. We don't have many dating coaches in the coaching community I run, but I've been in long conversations with coaches outside that community whose job it is to help men date. One perspective is that it's almost always faster to focus on being more interested rather than more interesting. That means focusing on status and alpha male activities i…
I'm glad you brought up the friend-zone thing. I feel like I'm extremely good at all the things you listed before that, and I have a ton of female friends (which I love, don't get me wrong). I just have no idea to turn that into sex.
Basically let them know your interested and ask. If you don't ask you won't get anything. But keep it light and occasional. And remember people can change their mind - so its ok to ask more than once.