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‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

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Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#451

Post by jf- »

justhelpingout wrote: post #425
jf- wrote: post #404

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> If, on the other hand, moral rules and ethics are due to the natures of things then there must be someone who intended things to exist in the manner they are intended to exist. This is not at all clear to me. Can you clarify?

Morals and ethics are either relative or absolute. If they are relative then they are not based on "what a thing is" (it's essence, to use an Aristotelean term) but on "how useful it is to me" or some other relative criteria). If, on the other hand, "what you ought to do with this thing" is based on "what is this thing and what is it intended to be", then there must exist some `intender` who is the reason for this th…

Thanks for the explanation. Something that is absolute needs an absolute reference frame, in other words. Here you’re saying that the absolute reference frame is what God intends.

I’m not sure that there is such an absolute reference frame for morality, but this is too long a conversation to get into here!

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#452

Post by freehunter »

hoaw wrote: post #421
freehunter wrote: post #353

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If I only had a piano to entertain myself I probably would not be a professional piano player, you are correct. But that's not the point of the anecdote. Replace my computer with anything else, and the frustrations will still be the same. The boredom and experimentation and learning and moments of clarity and joy and pain will still be the same. Whether I carry the piano into my adult life doesn't matter. I've still…

I do think it matters, because we are trying to establish some sort of utility of having focus in the context of the conversation. The theory of this thread is that a lack of focus is harmful and, at least partly, to blame for why young people are struggling. You can be the most dedicated piano player, but if you later decides to channel that dedication into e.g. writing you are very likely to be struggling anyways.…

I personally think learning how to focus and power through a struggle is the important skill to learn, regardless of what form it takes. Finishing 10 imperfect paintings is more of a learning experience than never finishing one perfect painting. Finishing a terrible novel in NaNoWriMo is more important than giving up because your story is bad. Making it through school with a C+ is more important than dropping out because it's too hard. If you're going for a run, the first mile might be excruciating pain but then the runner's high kicks in. Now every time you go for a run after that, you'll know to grin and bear it because the pain will go away and it will get easier.

I'm arguing that it's not what skill you learn, but rather that you did. You moved past something being new and exciting, got to the point where it was frustrating and boring, and you kept going anyway. I'm now wishing I hadn't use a computer as my example because I still feel like you're taking the wrong lesson from my anecdote. I don't credit my childhood computer use for my successful career as an adult. I credit my (forced) single-minded focus, where giving up was not an option.

In this story, my siblings-in-law never knew that it gets easier, never knew that there is a plateau you can overcome, and never made it to the other side. Because they never had to. It's a story about not giving up, not a story about how everyone should learn to use a computer.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#453

Post by [deleted] »

dwild wrote: post #340
nostromo wrote: post #10

I think the parents of many 20 and 30-somethings played a role in so many young(ish) adults failing to launch. American parents could learn a thing or two about parenting from previous generations and from a lot of immigrant families: nobody owes you anything, plan for a rainy day, find a partner you love and commit to them, work hard, cherish friends and family even when it's difficult, etc. I think parenting has ov…

> nobody owes you anything, plan for a rainy day, find a partner you love and commit to them, work hard, cherish friends and family even when it's difficult, etc. My SO is doing all theses things, a bit to the extreme too but she feel EXACTLY like that person in the post. - She planned for rainy days, much more than anyone I know, much more than her parents, much more than mine too. - She was in love with someone for…

[deleted]

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#454

Post by m000z0rz »

VLM wrote: post #393
sambroner wrote: post #341

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I would not advice reading about these topics, nor do I think they're rooted in science.

They are rooted in science in the sense that they make predictions based on a sensible model that seem to match the past and predict reality better than any other available theory. They are not rooted in science in the sense of sophistry where they are anti-authoritarian and anti-conformist. Its impossible to express something new without being in conflict with established authority. Its actually a fairly normal situ…

Okay, it's science in the sense that it makes predictions. So it's a theory. Is it science in the sense that the theory has been tested, and peer reviewed? As soon as you started in on the "anti-authoritarian and anti-conformist" part, I got the sense that you're somewhat invested in this being true. But science means more than proposing an idea; it means testing the predictions, looking for evidence, subjecting it to a critical eye and seeing if it withstands objective scrutiny. Is that the case here?

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#455

Post by sheepmullet »

JimboOmega wrote: post #431
sheepmullet wrote: post #373

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> option of dating men who followed the same path as them No they don’t. A 35 year old man can date a 25 year old woman whereas the reverse is a lot less common. As such the 35 year old man has a lot more options than a 35 year old woman. > as well as the option of dating divorced men. Divorced men tend to have very different life goals and expectations than early 30s women.

I would hope that as they mature, at least some men realize there is more value in a partner than youthful good looks. That others who have led winding and complex paths in life are often more mature, supportive, and all around better partners than someone whose world view is, essentially, "I'm attractive so people do what I want". Perhaps a lot of 35 year old women have realized that the value of a young attractive…

> Imagine how a man might pick a woman if attractiness was completely off the table

Loyalty, playfulness, flexibility, kindness, intelligence, high energy levels, ability to have kids, doesn’t already have kids, etc.

None of which are positively correlated with a woman’s age.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#456

Post by [deleted] »

randomsearch wrote: post #411
rolleiflex wrote: post #325

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think we in the west ended up replacing religion with, not an absence of it, but with a religion of the Self — where you are the god, or the only one that matters anyway. That obviously doesn’t mean a sincere belief in one’s own omniscience, more that the the aura of ‘importance’ bestowed upon things naturally emanate from the centre of the Universe, which is you. Mind that humans are already pretty much hardwired…

The West replaced God not with the self, but with shopping.

[deleted]

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#457

Post by kelnos »

nostromo wrote: post #10

I think the parents of many 20 and 30-somethings played a role in so many young(ish) adults failing to launch. American parents could learn a thing or two about parenting from previous generations and from a lot of immigrant families: nobody owes you anything, plan for a rainy day, find a partner you love and commit to them, work hard, cherish friends and family even when it's difficult, etc. I think parenting has ov…

> cherish friends and family even when it's difficult

I generally agree with what you're saying except for this. You should cherish friends and family... unless doing so ends up being a net negative. Maybe that goes beyond "even when it's difficult", but... life is too short to keep people around who hurt you, even if they're blood relatives.

Set boundaries. If people fail to respect those boundaries, then they don't deserve to be in your life, at all. Cutting someone out of your life shouldn't be a decision taken lightly or on a whim, but it's a tool in your toolbox for keeping toxic people from bringing you down.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#458

Post by madrox »

This is a very common experience. Sooner or later you get out of "survival mode" in your life and start to wonder what's left. I think this used to be called a mid-life crisis.

Speaking generally, I've seen people find their way out of it by making their lives be about something other than themselves. That can mean kids, a community, a cause, or anything that requires setting their ego aside.

I don't think this is a flaw of western culture, as many characterize it. I think our parents and their parents did a poor job preparing this generation for dealing with this because they were rarely prosperous enough to think about more than just survival. That could hit any culture that went through less prosperous times equally.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#459

Post by rb808 »

CPLX wrote: post #68

Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain. You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today. And then one day you find ten years have got behind you. No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun. So you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking. Racing around to come up behind you again. The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older, shorter of br…

Wow, I've heard this song a million times but never listened closely to the lyrics. Then I read the next verse which depresses me immensely because its so true.

Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time

Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines

Hanging on in quiet desperation is the english way

The time is gone, the song is over, thought Id something more to say

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#460

Post by el_cid »

adamrezich wrote: post #417
randomsearch wrote: post #411

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The West replaced God not with the self, but with shopping.

That and "Science." "Scientists" (catch-all term nobody seems to have a problem using with increasing frequency) are the new priest class.

I really like and recommend CS Lewis articles and essays on Scientism
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