Lots of cafés and restaurant in Tokyo have seating designed for just one person. It's usually a cozy spot in the corner. It's not uncommon at all to go to cafés alone. Many people study, read, or just quietly sit. I feel like bars are a place where people go to socialize. Anyways, I'm happy for him. Some people never feel comfortable being alone. I personally view solitude as a key factor in my creative and personal growth. Even better when it's in nature.
The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café
441–450 of 456 posts
Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café
#442For me this is the running I do. No phone accessible (still with me for safety). Just the repetitive sound of my feet and breathing, lets my mind wander and enjoy the isolation.
Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café
#443Earlier quoted context omitted.
> You can observe your surroundings, make up stories about what is happening. I had to sit still a lot as a child, since I wasn't allowed to have friends or go anywhere. I read a lot, but a lot of the time I was to tired or bored to read, so I'd just defocus my eyes, and disappear into my imagination. It would look like I'm reading, so I wouldn't get punished. In hindsight I'm not sure it's terribly healthy, as I now…
I’m just curious about the “wasn’t allowed to have friends or go anywhere” part. Can you elaborate? Why not? Is this some form/culture of parenting I’m not familiar with? This idea of not allowing a child to have friends or go anywhere just sounds like actual emotional abuse.
> just sounds like actual emotional abuse.
it was. my father assured everybody that he and I were best friends and I didn't need anybody else. I was allowed to go to school, that was it.
Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café
#444Unplugging and/or disconnecting is a skill. Read this post with a smile on my face because I do the same thing as often as I can.
Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café
#445This reminds me of the “techbro discovers very common x thing” meme. Going to a coffee shop (that is 75% solo remote workers) without your phone and pretending it’s some divine experience feels conceited. Do things you like, sometimes don’t check your phone. Very well written title though.
In case you didn’t know, the title is just a straightforward edit of Kundera’s famous novel title.
I did not, thanks :)
Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café
#446This reminds me of the “techbro discovers very common x thing” meme. Going to a coffee shop (that is 75% solo remote workers) without your phone and pretending it’s some divine experience feels conceited. Do things you like, sometimes don’t check your phone. Very well written title though.
It seems a bit absurd to call someone a tech bro for experiencing something for the first time and writing about it - especially something as benign as going to a cafe.
It was very reminiscent of a LinkedIn screenshot I saw of a someone saying “I’ve been thinking a lot about irl podcasts. Just sitting down with a group of peers, no recording, etc” and someone replying “techbro rediscovers hanging out with friends”
Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café
#447Earlier quoted context omitted.
> Too many negative comments here. I wonder if the author’s use of “you” rubbed some people the wrong way: “You are alone and powerless. You encounter a deep challenge,” “When you let your thoughts wander, they take you on a journey you’ll never think possible,” etc. The pronoun seems intended to refer to the author’s own experiences, but I can see why some readers might think it refers to them. I had a bit of a nega…
Oh, this one is difficult. I vacillated a lot in my early writing between I, we, and you. Too many "I" sounds self-fixated and irrelevant for the reader. "You" is way too presumptive, unless addressing a specific person or specific group with actual evidence. "We" can also read as too presumptive, but I feel like it works in the case of processes the reader could volunteer to be part of. However, it must not be used…
Technical writing should be third person passive, so forget all those pesky pronouns.
Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café
#448Earlier quoted context omitted.
Oh, this one is difficult. I vacillated a lot in my early writing between I, we, and you. Too many "I" sounds self-fixated and irrelevant for the reader. "You" is way too presumptive, unless addressing a specific person or specific group with actual evidence. "We" can also read as too presumptive, but I feel like it works in the case of processes the reader could volunteer to be part of. However, it must not be used…
Technical writing should be third person passive, so forget all those pesky pronouns.
That is commonly claimed, but it is thought by some to lead to unnecessarily complicated text. A tendency is also noticed for the passive voice to be introduced as part of such rules.
In case the irony isn't clear, I disagree. Clarity first, and stylistic choices after that.
Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café
#449Earlier quoted context omitted.
> Then again I have a saying I use when anyone says they are bored - I say they are boring! This is a very clever come back, I wonder if it might qualify as the best thought terminating cliché I've seen this year! I never say I'm bored. The universe is too interesting a place to be bored. I did mean it, that most people, individually, are what I find boring. I'd rather withdraw into my mind and work on something inte…
> I'd rather withdraw into my mind and work on something interesting Be careful that there are social penalties for behaving like that way. When people smell an air of arrogance, they implicitly punish you. I recommend to trick yourself into believing that people around you are worth your time. Even if it's not really true. Even if it makes you die a little inside. Just try to make it work. And when the opportunity c…
> they implicitly punish you
they can't punish me if I'm not there and don't depend on them.
Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café
#450Earlier quoted context omitted.
> I think the important part is leaving your phone and other devices home. The annoying part is that this becomes increasingly difficult to impossible. For example, I can't use public transport without my phone anymore, because my ticket is bound to my phone and the provider does not issue paper tickets or smartcards anymore. Less severe but equally frustrating, many restaurants choose to use QR codes for menus rathe…
> our environment is increasingly build on the assumption that we carry a smartphone with us at any given time. This is so true! Surprised how many commenters are saying "just have self control" etc - a phone is close to essential for a lot of services in a city. I'd be super interested in tips people have to avoid the psychological impact phones have when they do have to take them with them. A lot of phones have "re…
> "relax" or "do not disturb" modes - curious if that actually works for anyone?
Ever since I've owned a smartphone, they have been on "do not disturb" 24/7. People that know me know they won't reach me directly, but that I will call them back eventually. I do have a couple of voice calls every day; I schedule them ahead of time based on my own actions, and set an alarm to take out the phone.
I am typically involved in something and I don't want to be disturbed during it; it may just be thinking, or reading, or actually talking to a human being present with me; why would I ever want to be disturbed? I only check my phone when I want to actively perform some task with it anyway, e.g. to look at maps, and then I put it away again. I don't mind carrying it around and needing to use it increasingly for tickets and such. I do not experience this as "self control". I don't have the urge to take out my wallet or keys or umbrella unless I need them either. Why would I.
I typically (also) carry a paper book to read on public transport or in cafés.