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The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

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Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#431

Post by kqr »

tkgally wrote: post #328
unsungNovelty wrote: post #50

Too many negative comments here. This is just someone discovering something new and sharing it very excitedly. Almost 6-7 years ago, I read about a 30min challenge to sit upright without doing anything in a chair challenge. That changed how I think about distractions. If I had written about it, there surely will be people who would just like here say... What is so crazy about it? I do that all the time... To me, this…

> Too many negative comments here. I wonder if the author’s use of “you” rubbed some people the wrong way: “You are alone and powerless. You encounter a deep challenge,” “When you let your thoughts wander, they take you on a journey you’ll never think possible,” etc. The pronoun seems intended to refer to the author’s own experiences, but I can see why some readers might think it refers to them. I had a bit of a nega…

Oh, this one is difficult. I vacillated a lot in my early writing between I, we, and you.

Too many "I" sounds self-fixated and irrelevant for the reader. "You" is way too presumptive, unless addressing a specific person or specific group with actual evidence. "We" can also read as too presumptive, but I feel like it works in the case of processes the reader could volunteer to be part of. However, it must not be used to project emotions or experiences onto the reader.

For now, I've personally settled on "we" for most things (because the reader could hypothetically choose to follow along actively), but switching into "I" if I need to discuss something negative or a failing of my own. In other words, I would never project "a constant state of grief" on my readers – that I can only attribute to myself.

When I refer to something that cannot be experienced by myself, only by my readership (e.g. because it happens only to people who do not know where the article is going), I prefer "the reader" over "you", because while it might be true for the median reader, it might not be true for each and every individual reading.

I'm glad someone else also cares about this! I don't find it discussed very much.

-----

Here's a decent example of what I mean: https://entropicthoughts.com/packaging-perl-and-shell-for-ni...

(1) It starts out with "I" having trouble packaging – my readers are generally more intelligent and experienced than I am, so I won't assume they have the same trouble.

(2) Then we go into my experience, but phrased in a way where the reader could hypothetically follow along. Thus, I ask the reader to imagine "we" have a Perl script.

(3) Somewhere in the middle, the article refers to something that might be noticed by "the very attentive reader". I do not expect everyone to, not even the median reader, but I realise some readers might.

(4) The appendix contains a note in case "you" are very curious, because here I do address each and every reader individually.

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#432

Post by kqr »

nicbou wrote: post #341
cik wrote: post #337

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Without knowing the author, I wonder if that's a natural construct in their native language. As I've moved from Canada, I find myself consciously having to check to see if I've written "I", or "one", given that my local language, places a preferred conjugation in the you imperative.

Coincidentally, Quebec uses "we" a lot in their ads, especially as a way to say "this is how things ought to be done". For example, "this December, we vote". German also has "man" which almost directly translates to "one" (the pronoun).

Swedish also has the "man" and I hate when people use it to project feelings or experiences on me that I don't have.

I know for some people it's just how they speak – instead of saying "I get the urge to scream" they say "one gets the urge to scream" and they mean themselves only. But my computer-diseased brain interprets it literally and I get the urge to contradict them and say, "No, I don't!"

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#433

Post by [deleted] »

exe34 wrote: post #177
Tagbert wrote: post #74

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It can be at first until you get used to it. You can observe your surroundings, make up stories about what is happening. Ask yourself questions. Listen to yourself. This is a bit like excercise. When you first start, 30 minutes of exercise can be torture as your is out of shape and not used to the effort. Keep doing it and it feels better and you feel better. Work on becoming a source of thoughts rather than a consum…

> You can observe your surroundings, make up stories about what is happening. I had to sit still a lot as a child, since I wasn't allowed to have friends or go anywhere. I read a lot, but a lot of the time I was to tired or bored to read, so I'd just defocus my eyes, and disappear into my imagination. It would look like I'm reading, so I wouldn't get punished. In hindsight I'm not sure it's terribly healthy, as I now…

[deleted]

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#434

Post by lo_fye »

I don't think about anyone at the cafe, unless I start chatting with someone. I just take a physical book with me, crack it open, and read as I sip my coffee. I keep a notepad nearby in case I have good ideas while reading. I may get a refill. When I've read enough, I leave. It's 100% relaxing for me.

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#435

Post by yieldcrv »

etra0 wrote: post #156

You have to realize, that some folks were born in the age of super-information and immediacy. When I take a picture, I get the luxury of immediately see what I got. When I wanted to hear some music, I can search it up, and hear an entire album in a question of seconds. It's an incredible privilege to do that, but at the same time, we got so used to speed, that pausing can be new for us. This year I had the opportunit…

yeah the somewhat post-instant gratification world is interesting

A lot of my Gen Z friends do it in a couple ways, like with analog and now old digital cameras, some abstaining from social media almost to a religious level of deterrence where posting a story on a holiday is the rebellion

makes me, a millenial, feel like all of my social friends pretending to be influencers are doing something outdated, and everyone that's otherwise unregulated on their social media consumption are the same as chain smokers or opium addicts before the Opium Wars (dopamine wise, I'm aware of the exact similarity)

I'm interested and intruiged

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#438

Post by stronglikedan »

rhubarbtree wrote: post #349
safety1st wrote: post #295

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Stillness isn't only enjoyable (for some), it's incredibly valuable. Stoicism and Buddhism both talk a lot about it and they're not the only ones. I make a point of sitting comfortably and doing nothing with no stimuli for 5-10 minutes every morning. Inevitably when you're still with no distractions, your subconscious starts surfacing various thoughts. There is a random element to what pops into your head, but there…

Far more effective for me personally is walking. No headphones, somewhere fairly quiet.

Walking in green spaces, specifically, has been shown to have positive effects on one's wellbeing. I personally have always noticed a difference.

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#439

Post by stronglikedan »

delis-thumbs-7e wrote: post #9

I didn’t quite understand why sitting alone in a café makes you a weirdo (is it an American thing?), but the piece was very well written. We all should learn how to be without electronics for every now and then, accompanied only our thoughts. It is good for the soul. I think the important part is leaving your phone and other devices home. Be alone, without even a possibility of connecting (apart from the old-fashione…

> why sitting alone in a café makes you a weirdo

It doesn't. That was pure projection on the author's part.

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#440

Post by badcryptobitch »

This article is kind of hilarious to read. This is my life since getting a dog (and I've been doing versions of it before my dog too) but this guy just discovered the way Europeans have been living for hundreds of years and wrote a whole article about it. I guess this is also one of the great things about the internet. Another person's mundane thing is another person's discovery.
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