I rebooted my social life • Hacker News Board

Re: I rebooted my social life

#431

Post by GreenWatermelon » Wed, Jan 07, 2026, 1:31 PM UTC

nirui wrote: post #322

fleeting900 wrote: post #230

> a significant proportion of the people you used to hang out with have kids and disappear off the face of the Earth for two decades. I’ve been on both sides of this, so I’m going to put this out into the universe: Your friends with kids still want to see you. They have a lot to deal with suddenly. They’re exhausted. But they miss hanging out with you, and will leap at the opportunity to hang out if you take the init…

> Your friends with kids still want to see you. If you both have kids, then the kids may also want a chance to socialize. Meeting new people with their parent is a great opportunity to expand their social network and learn how they should act in front of friendly people. Of course, the parent needs to be smart about it to avoid or correctly correct the negative sides, but assuming you're a good parent, a well-sociali…

There's a reason it takes a village to raised a child. He idea of only a single pair of adults should be responsible for raising an entire human being is one of the most unhinged developments of the modern era.

For our entire history we used to live in tribes. One person can look after 5 children with only a small extra % of the effort it takes to look after one. Hell maybe even less effort because the kids will keep each other company, and the adult only has to make sure the kids don't kill themselves. The older kids will naturally take charge and the younger kids tend to follow their older-brother figures.

It can still be done today. Children-having adults gather, bringing their children along. The children will be happy because friends to play with. Adults will be happy because socialization + taking a break from entertaining child. You can even play DND or something.

It's so obvious, so simple, so rewarding, but we still somehow fucked it up.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#432

Post by fleeting900 » Wed, Jan 07, 2026, 11:24 PM UTC

levocardia wrote: post #292

fleeting900 wrote: post #230

> a significant proportion of the people you used to hang out with have kids and disappear off the face of the Earth for two decades. I’ve been on both sides of this, so I’m going to put this out into the universe: Your friends with kids still want to see you. They have a lot to deal with suddenly. They’re exhausted. But they miss hanging out with you, and will leap at the opportunity to hang out if you take the init…

Part of it is the uncomfortable fact that it is not very much fun to spend time with people who have small children -- it's hard to have a real conversation for more than a few minutes, and if you yourself don't have kids, what their life revolves around right now (daycare, finding a kindergarten, etc) is just not going to be very interesting.

I’m not going to comment on whether I think you’re right or wrong, your opinion is legitimate.

But just to note that this and similar opinions in the thread confirm what I’ve experienced, both as a SINK/DINK and as a parent.

More often than not it’s the SINKs/DINKs that disappear off the face of the earth and lose interest in participating in the suddenly very different lives of their new parent friends, and not the other way around.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#433

Post by galaxyLogic » Sun, Jan 11, 2026, 7:40 AM UTC

_yb2s wrote: post #251

galaxyLogic wrote: post #249

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The way Finns do it they take a hot Sauna in the winter and when they get out of the hot-room they go lay naked in the snow. Or plunge into the frozen lake through a sawed-out hole. Then they go back to the sauna again to feel the warmth again. It does feel great and stops you from dwelling in miserable thoughts. That may be part of the reason why Finns are ranked happiest people for multiple years.

Yep, I’ve spent time in Finland and loved this… but for me it works better to skip the warm part and just do the cold. However, the Finns in the winter did not seem to be happy at all, but mostly quite deep in seasonal depression.

I agree Finns don't usually look very happy. I think their suicide rates are quite high. They drink too much coffee and alcohol. But they do have a great democracy, society, education, healthcare, wealth equality, gender equality. So maybe these studies about happiness instead simply measure "Which people SHOULD be happiest in the world".