Earlier quoted context omitted.
The element of moderation that you consider essential -- the latitude to apply subjective judgments that rely on knowing the specific identities of the participants -- is precisely the element that I do not trust moderators to perform. That this moderation strategy would prevent the use of all slurs (even reappropriated ones) sounds like a feature to me, not a bug.
"That this moderation strategy would prevent the use of all slurs (even reappropriated ones) sounds like a feature to me, not a bug." You're proposing erring on the side of censorship to avoid some gray areas. While this is a reasonable position, it doesn't satisfy some ideal of neutrality and won't really avoid the gray areas, and so still would require subjective judgement.
In practice, almost any nominally "neutral" position ends up allowing an enormous amount of abuse. Which is why you'll see most platforms that start with a free-speech maximalism approach coming up with a lot of nuance and exceptions over time. And those that don't turn into cesspools.
Most people are pretty great, but moderation has to be built for the worst-case attacker.