It's funny that the article starts with drawing the line to the "old days". It makes me think the true reason is basically people moving far away eventually - and it's by all means desirable. At the same time many aren't interested in starting a family, divorce rates are high anyway.
Sex is going out of fashion?
431–440 of 692 posts
Re: Sex is going out of fashion?
#432Earlier quoted context omitted.
I’m good at conversation and getting to know people and I had no success with online dating (as opposed to acceptable success with serendipitous dating). I always thought it was because it’s hard to integrate them into your life. They’ve come from out of nowhere, your friend circles don’t overlap, and your daily paths don’t cross. It’s extra effort to make that stuff happen after the fact, and even then it doesn’t fe…
That's definitely true! It's so much easier to date in person from a logistical standpoint, and I think your comment also hints at what I think is kind of a paradox: in today's social spaces, being a kind and conscientious individual often means giving strangers their space, especially in places that used to be centers of socialization; gyms, coffee shops, parks etc. But by doing this, your opportunities for organic…
> So often times people feel forced into online dating as one of the few "sanctioned" spaces where it's still considered okay to flirt with strangers.
This has been the story of my life. I think there is a certain type of person - physical attractiveness is part of it, but charisma is even bigger – who can "get away with" flirting in unsanctioned spaces. It's a combination of being confident enough to break taboo, perceptive enough to read subtle interest cues, and being attractive enough for those interest cues to be non-zero.
I've tried to be that person from time to time, but it almost always breaks down on one of those axes, thus consigning most of my dating efforts to the soul-crushing grind of dating sites/apps.
Re: Sex is going out of fashion?
#433Population implosion is going to be the biggest problem of our lives. It is one of those issues that creeps up progressively (like Global Warming), but will have cataclysmic impacts. Sex is a precursor to relationships and kids, if people don't have sex... Imagine 80% of the population is elderly and retired (or want to be retired) - that is where the world is heading by the end of the century. From 2018: https://www…
As long as the US remains a desirable destination for immigrants this won't be a catastrophic problem.
The issue is that most of the countries from which the US draws immigrants are going through the demographic transition themselves. The US will remain a relatively desired destination for immigration, but there will be many fewer migrants. And as the demographic transition happens in those countries, the demand for would-be migrants' labor will be higher, resulting in improved compensation and less reason to emigrate.
Re: Sex is going out of fashion?
#434Earlier quoted context omitted.
MGTOW's major proponents will go out of their way to demonize women whenever they can. It's common for these people to turn towards things like RealDolls (the supposedly lifelike sex dolls) and anime starring under-aged girls. Raging Golden Eagle on YouTube is the poster boy of this kind of MGTOW advocate. Self-improvement isn't at odds with pursuing healthy relationships with the opposite sex.
I've noticed most of those types of groups essentially use self-improvement as the vector to ship the hate message. Which is pretty classic cult behaviour in the end: build a support network, isolate people from other networks (by making them evangelists for you) and then threaten to cut them off if they don't go long with the rest of the message.
This is also how non-hate groups rope people in -- Scientology, for example, literally starts with the premise that they can help you improve yourself from t=0.
Re: Sex is going out of fashion?
#435The harsh reality is that around 30% of men are completely unfuckable. They only got action because women needed to be married because they couldn’t support themselves. Ugly men have 0 value in the dating market beyond money.
I really just don’t believe that
Even in like 2000s when this trend started? I was a kid so maybe it was harder for women then but really?
There are lots of ugly women too, who are they going to date?
Re: Sex is going out of fashion?
#436Earlier quoted context omitted.
I think that all the things you listed are definitely culprits, but I wouldn't be so quick to discount porn. Anecdotally, I myself and many otherwise healthy, sociable young men I know have pretty serious porn addictions. I really wish there would be more research done on the negative impacts of pornography, especially on young men and teens/pre-teens. I know typically any anti-porn sentiment is met with "Oh you're j…
You list men as the reason why people have less sex, but unless women is having a lot of more sex with other women to compensate the numbers, it is both women and men that is having less sex and it could be either gender or both that is causing the trend. It is jumping to conclusions to assume that only men determine if the world population is going to have sex or not. Personally I would blame social media much more…
I'm sure these articles have been linked here before, but they're relevant to your concerns:
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/09/has-the...
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2018/12/the-sex...
Re: Sex is going out of fashion?
#437Earlier quoted context omitted.
Yeah, but porn addiction is a consequence I think. If all men could get laid whenever they'd feel like it with a willing partner, then porn use would plummet. I haven't met many women into porn, probably because a one night stand is just a zero effort tinder swipe away, from the comfort of your pijamas in your living room. As a man, you end up turning to porn or paying for sex, or drinking or doing drugs, to compensa…
I wish there’s some discovery on another planet that makes people venture out like in the old days. Fuck it I’ll lead or be part of a crew to get on a space ship and maybe never come back. Being stuck at a laptop all day is so fucking boring now because work from home means I’d rather not. I want to be out and about. Not stuck inside ALL day (along with everyone else).
People do venture out like the old days, there's never any shortage, of, say, people wanting to establish a new home across the Atlantic because they are fleeing religious or ethnic persecution, or just trying to migrate for better economic opportunities.
We don't want them here, though, which is why they can't do it. If pre-contact America/Australia had strong passport controls, Europeans wouldn't have been 'venturing out to it', either.
Re: Sex is going out of fashion?
#438Earlier quoted context omitted.
Yeah, but porn addiction is a consequence I think. If all men could get laid whenever they'd feel like it with a willing partner, then porn use would plummet. I haven't met many women into porn, probably because a one night stand is just a zero effort tinder swipe away, from the comfort of your pijamas in your living room. As a man, you end up turning to porn or paying for sex, or drinking or doing drugs, to compensa…
I don't believe that's it. Plenty of men in relationships with a "willing partner" use heaps of porn, and in many circumstances prefer using porn to sex. And yes, having _sex_ is only a swipe away for women. But having decent sex that you enjoy and is another matter altogether. And that's before thinking about safety. If I was looking for reasons why fewer women seem to be into porn, I'd say it's because the vast maj…
> But having decent sex that you enjoy and is another matter altogether. And that's before thinking about safety.
Do you expect any of this getting better if porn vanished overnight? If anything, it would get much worse.
Re: Sex is going out of fashion?
#439Earlier quoted context omitted.
likely richer than average, though...
I'd bet that how much money you have (beyond a low bar of "enough") matters a lot less for the American dating pool than being able to make somebody laugh.
One hypothesis of a contributor to falling marriage rates is that as women's income potential has risen there's still a standard (whether cultural or innate) for them to marry "up" economically. Therefore, there's a growing demographic shortage of economically attractive male partners in the U.S. marriage market.
Re: Sex is going out of fashion?
#440Wonder if this is related to the lack of personal relationships in general, especially friendships. There is an epidemic of loneliness in the world. So many ways to communicate and all we can do is post memes and upvote influencers. I am happily married but have zero friends. I met my wife through my friend group in college. If I heaven forbid got a divorce tomorrow, not sure where I would meet someone new. Guess I w…
Three years ago a HN user named Dexwiz wrote something that hit me hard. I'd felt this, but I never saw it put in to words so well. https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=20470085 """ The Screen and the Job have displaced almost everything else is our lives. Loneliness is just a primary symptom. The Screen, whether it’s TV, computer, or phone, has supplanted almost all social interactions. This manifests itself in thin…
> Ghosting is not just for dates now. Then turn around and make choices in the long term that optimize employability at the expense of all else.
This resonates with me (on both receiving and dealing ends). The lack of physical immediacy that IRL communities offer means it's easier to let relationships die off.
One way to combat this that I've taken: Whenever I have a fond memory of someone I don't talk to as much as you used to, drop them a line. Send an email/DM, check-up on them, maybe share the memory. Then, have a call to action. If they're in your vicinity, invite them for a pint/warm beverage.
If I don't have the courage or time at the moment, I make a calendar event in the near future.
The key is to treat it as something important. Even if catching up doesn't mean you'll be meeting up every weekend or have a lively chat, you've reduced the friction of starting up a conversation then next time you feel like reaching out.
The major discovery I made is that in every single case, no matter how long its been, I've never regretted this. Things have never been weird or awkward between friends. After I finished my master's degree, I realised there was a host of friends I'd left behind for over 3 years while I focused on my studies. My fear was that the ship had sailed with them, that they had moved on. I was so crazy wrong.
With real connections, every time you pick up the phone, you just pick up where you left off.