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Talking to strangers at the gym

thienantran.com

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Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#421

Post by nozzlegear »

komali2 wrote: post #390
chistev wrote: post #372

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've not read the book, but how can a book about talking to people (if that's what it is) be a "little outdated"?

Some of the stories / aphorisms refer to things that just like, don't exist anymore.

Yeah, that's what I meant by it being outdated. He uses a lot of examples and aphorisms from the 1930s, which sometimes come off as a little bit quaint or folksy almost 100 years later. I'll also mention that the book was written for men "influencing" other men; any reference to women in the book is usually in the context of them being objects that should be managed using the author's techniques.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#422

Post by MrBuddyCasino »

mtlynch wrote: post #80

One of the things I like about this is that OP is giving people genuine compliments without any particular agenda. It reminds me of one of my favorite parts of How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, where he tells a story about complimenting someone, and a student asks what he was hoping to gain from offering the compliment. Carnegie is incensed: > I was waiting in line to register a letter in the…

„We use the unrevised edition because we believe the revised edition (the revisions were done by Carnegie’s relatives after his death) forcefully makes the language of the book gender neutral and politically correct and takes away from the originality of the work. They even went so far ahead as to make quotes from other people gender neutral and politically correct. Most of the revised editions available today do not include Parts 5 and 6. Even the included parts see many paragraphs and examples omitted. In many places, characters in examples who were male have been edited to be female. It appears that Carnegie’s relatives decided to heavily excise content and highhandedly edit the work to match their own sensibilities and what appears to the webmasters as a feminist agenda. The unrevised edition as on this website is complete without exclusions and edits. We believe this text written by Dale Carnegie himself while he was alive without the alterations made by his relatives after his death is more readable, complete, and enjoyable.“

How to Win Friends and Influence People: Unrevised Version

https://socialskillswisdom.com/

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#423

Post by cubefox »

sparklingmango wrote: post #124
stevekemp wrote: post #3

I loved the writing, in particular this line, but the whole piece was strangely endearing: I asked if he was Canadian. He wasn't. The end

I loved it too. I audibly laughed at this one: "Korean girl Short I didn't know how to start a conversation with her, so I just asked if she was Korean and she said yes. Then I made her guess what kind of Asian I am. Then I rambled about being Asian in Syracuse before leaving. I initiated one more conversation but now we don't interact" So endearing!

That sounds frightening to someone with social anxiety...

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#425

Post by senkora »

Aurornis wrote: post #237
mtlynch wrote: post #80

One of the things I like about this is that OP is giving people genuine compliments without any particular agenda. It reminds me of one of my favorite parts of How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, where he tells a story about complimenting someone, and a student asks what he was hoping to gain from offering the compliment. Carnegie is incensed: > I was waiting in line to register a letter in the…

> without any particular agenda. This is a very important part of learning how to have real conversations with people. There is too much bad advice about using tricks or hacks to try to start friendly conversations with people. It’s refreshing to see someone learning that a key to healthy conversation is having selfless motives. Something surprising about How to Win Friends and Influence People is that it’s not as ma…

I once heard "creepiness" defined as "becoming invested in advance in a particular outcome to a social interaction".

In that sense, trying tricks in order to have a "successful conversation" will always fail so long as you are emotionally invested in advance in the conversation being "successful".

It's far better to be genuine and accept that you have only so much control over how things will go.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#426

Post by asdfman123 »

mtlynch wrote: post #80

One of the things I like about this is that OP is giving people genuine compliments without any particular agenda. It reminds me of one of my favorite parts of How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, where he tells a story about complimenting someone, and a student asks what he was hoping to gain from offering the compliment. Carnegie is incensed: > I was waiting in line to register a letter in the…

Complimenting people was my college party trick. I'd be a little inebriated and I'd just compliment people/say friendly vibey things. "That's a cool hat" or "that song is awesome" or "where did you get that??"

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#427

Post by http-teapot »

b65e8bee43c2ed0 wrote: post #418
hnlmorg wrote: post #398

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That’s a depressingly negative way to view people who are just trying to break the isolation of modern life.

[flagged]

How this gets posted on HN is beyond me, perhaps that's where the isolation of modern life leads to.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#428

Post by gravatron »

rimliu wrote: post #153
nasir wrote: post #27

Around 15 years ago I took on the challenge to start a conversation with random people to break through this barrier and train this muscle. What I started with was to chit chat with those I had already established an interaction. For example at the Starbucks I would say something to barista. Those interactions were short but broke the ice. Later I went for random people in the street and that was quite awkward. There…

Why do people think that intruding into somebody's personal space is OK.

This comment section really enforces the stereotypes everyone has of you guys, just safe-space seeking, maladjusted weaklings who play victim as a badge of honor.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#429

Post by DeRock »

b65e8bee43c2ed0 wrote: post #418
hnlmorg wrote: post #398

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That’s a depressingly negative way to view people who are just trying to break the isolation of modern life.

[flagged]

> that pretty girl? a slut who's been had by half the guys in there.

I'm not going to comment on the rest, but this is a gross and misogynistic remark.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#430

Post by cubefox »

rimmontrieu wrote: post #250

Being an introvert myself and perfectly fine when being alone, this is so hard to read. Possibly it's just me but making new friends is quite overrated, and the whole thing OP does feels forced and artificial at many levels. Genuine connection should be built on mutual deep interests, and small talks at random places rarely reveal them. I'd be disappointed if someone starts a conversation with me artificially because…

> Genuine connection should be built on mutual deep interests

That's backwards. You can't find friends with "mutual deep interests" without talking to strangers. You have to first find out somehow whether there are mutual interests in the first place.

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