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Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

thetimes.co.uk

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Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#421

Post by feistypharit »

war1025 wrote: post #360
feistypharit wrote: post #348

I feel the real reason really is just lack of time. It takes a serious amount of time to make and maintain a friendship. This comes to a point with a family because you have so little extra time that you're very careful to use it wisely. To spend the hours hanging out and getting to know 10 strangers well enough that 1 may become a close friend is just a hard trade-off to make. As another comment said, it makes one f…

An idea I've had in my head for the past week or two, mainly because I have several projects that I just keep "not getting around to".: I think there is a difference between free time and idle time. Free time is when you could be doing something that has been back-burnered, such as a project around the house, or getting together with friends. Idle time is when there is nothing going on, but you are sort "on call" as…

Very true, I think there is a big difference too.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#422

Post by feistypharit »

buboard wrote: post #357
feistypharit wrote: post #348

I feel the real reason really is just lack of time. It takes a serious amount of time to make and maintain a friendship. This comes to a point with a family because you have so little extra time that you're very careful to use it wisely. To spend the hours hanging out and getting to know 10 strangers well enough that 1 may become a close friend is just a hard trade-off to make. As another comment said, it makes one f…

friendship should be a part of life. you shouldn't need to set aside time for your friends, they could come over while u re cooking or stay casually over lunch. It used to be a lot more like that in the past. I think the past decades have switched to an almost ceremonial way of life where helicopter parenting consumes the entirety of family life and everything else has been abandoned

Although I agree in theory, in reality, it's very difficult. Friends from college that I'm close to are all far away.

I think it's a downside of a loosely connected global social circle, versus a tightly connected local circle.

If you have achieved what you say, would love to hear more about how you got there, how to sustain it, trade-offs, etc.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#423

Post by saddestcatever »

jcoffland wrote: post #97

One of the big problems I find is that when I call or text my male friends they often fail to respond. My female friends always respond. I've had multiple discussions with my male friends about this and my conclusion is that they are mostly overwhelmed with the responsibilities and demands of being a modern man. Friendship falls low on the priority list. I, like many men, want more camaraderie but it takes work that'…

I've had the same experience with my group of friends. I know it's a small sample size, but I wonder of that's a common contrast for most folks my age.

When I message/call/text/email my mail friends, I know there's a 1h-24h time window before I get a response. And that's if the message prompts a response. Otherwise, they'll address it next time in person, or just let it fly by. On the other hand, my female friends respond much quicker.

At the same time, I see my current girlfriend ALWAYS on her phone. There's always someone she's in contact with - because it's a priority for her to respond. My male friends when hanging out, are almost never texting/chatting on their phone unless something immediate demands attention. It's an interesting tradeoff

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#424

Post by woah »

lolinder wrote: post #371
lonelappde wrote: post #338

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Facebook has its sins but is this really one of them? Facebook supports small, controlled, geographically focused groups.

Supports maybe, but doesn't encourage or promote them. The money is in the endless news feed from your 300+ acquaintances, not in quiet, thoughtful conversation between a group of close friends.

Facebook has currently bought out the entire advertising space of one of the downtown SF subway stations with ads for their groups product. Seems like they are trying to promote it.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#425

Post by dwaltrip »

crimsonalucard wrote: post #420
Hermandw wrote: post #395

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Unfortunately most people don't realize or understand that almost all the variables of being human lies on a spectrum. This includes length, weight, body type, colour, gender, sexuality, gregariousness, aptitudes, interests, intelligence, etc. Calling someone an anomaly for falling on one end of any of these traits is definitely ignorance and discrimination akin to racism.

Uh no it is not. I can wiggle my ears and I'm double jointed. That makes me and those features a biological anomaly because these feature are rare. There is no racism going on here because I am a statistical anomaly. Let me be utterly clear again. In the real world, in reality as we know it. There will ALWAYS exist things that are outside of the norm. Things that are "anomalous." To deny the existence of anomalies, o…

Dude, it is really unhealthy to get this angry at an anonymous stranger on the internet. I have definitely become overly invested in internet conversations before and suffered needlessly because of it, so I can relate. I wish you the best.

P.S. Most people don't want to be called an "anomoly". It sounds quite negative. I know you didn't mean it that way, but that is how other people interpret it.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#426

Post by belorn »

krapp wrote: post #403
ancarda wrote: post #224

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think it's mostly due to the phrase "toxic masculinity"; it's far too easy to misunderstand it as "masculinity is toxic" - and it doesn't help when someone asks for examples; stuff like stoicism and strength can come up. These aren't toxic. I've also spoken to people who actually believe independence (and wanting to be independent) is toxic. As this is mostly a branding problem, I want to say I recently came across…

It isn't really a branding problem. "Toxic masculinity" consists of an adjective and a noun - the former modifying the latter and therefore describing a trait which applies to a subset of the latter. It's common English. A "red apple" isn't easy to misunderstand as "all apples are red." A "hot plate" doesn't imply all plates are always hot. People who misunderstand this phrase refuse to do so even when the proper def…

In this great alternative universe people would also not misunderstand "illegal immigration" to mean all immigrants or extremist to mean all Muslims. It's common English. Is it not odd that when people talk about deporting all the illegal immigrants, some think that implies all immigrants? When there was an executive order to ban all extremists from traveling, even judges interpreted it as a Muslim ban and they are usually pretty good with the English language.

When people see explicitly hostility they interpret it as hostility. That is common English.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#427

Post by namarie »

the_rosentotter wrote: post #330

One thing I haven't seen mentioned: 'Friends' in your teens and twenties are often really about having someone to hang around with while looking for a mate. So you won't look like a lone loser at the club, or in social situations, or so that you get to meet members of the opposite/preferred sex through the group. Once people get married and have kids, all of that falls away, and so do the 'friends'. You don't hook up…

> One thing I haven't seen mentioned: 'Friends' in your teens and twenties are often really about having someone to hang around with while looking for a mate. So you won't look like a lone loser at the club, or in social situations, or so that you get to meet members of the opposite/preferred sex through the group.

I have never thought of my friends that way. Nor have I ever met someone who gave me the impression they thought of their friends that way. Maybe not everyone thinks life revolves around "looking for a mate"?

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#428

Post by Abishek_Muthian »

hutzlibu wrote: post #411
Abishek_Muthian wrote: post #129

Earlier quoted context omitted.

More so when you're physically challenged, having interests which are alien to the locality and with opinions which are not synonymous with the society.

Have you considered moving to a different place? But yes, when you are also physically challenged, that is even more hard.

I've been giving it a serous thought lately, if I cannot break out this loop then I guess there's no other choice.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#429

Post by crimsonalucard »

dwaltrip wrote: post #425
crimsonalucard wrote: post #420

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Uh no it is not. I can wiggle my ears and I'm double jointed. That makes me and those features a biological anomaly because these feature are rare. There is no racism going on here because I am a statistical anomaly. Let me be utterly clear again. In the real world, in reality as we know it. There will ALWAYS exist things that are outside of the norm. Things that are "anomalous." To deny the existence of anomalies, o…

Dude, it is really unhealthy to get this angry at an anonymous stranger on the internet. I have definitely become overly invested in internet conversations before and suffered needlessly because of it, so I can relate. I wish you the best. P.S. Most people don't want to be called an "anomoly". It sounds quite negative. I know you didn't mean it that way, but that is how other people interpret it.

>P.S. Most people don't want to be called an "anomoly". It sounds quite negative. I know you didn't mean it that way, but that is how other people interpret it.

Ok maybe I made mistake here. But the reaction to my mistake is that they decided to call me a racist. The difference here is that although I did not mean to convey what you implied... @AstralStorm and @Hermandw meant what they said 110%.

They accused me of being racist.

There is no one more guilty of racism against my race then the white man. So unless any of you are not white... back off.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#430

Post by dleslie »

Faark wrote: post #364
dleslie wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've been working from home for nearly five years now; it's been fantastically convenient while I raise my daughters. While I have found that my adult social interactions are severely limited, I am no worse off than my old friends; one of whom remarked that after moving to Montreal he's seeing friends and family just as often as he did before. Where I find adult interaction is in more traditional venues: I made an ef…

> I made an effort to get to know my neighbours, and am acquainted with some staff and patrons at the local pub. I wouldn't even know how to approach that. Feel like this requires a lot of knowledge/skill that my path through life didn't teach me.

Talking about the weather, remarking on their gardens, and wishing them happiness and good health; these are all acceptable openers.

Most people love to talk about themselves, so if they give you some personal information it's safe to inquire further about it, most of the time. Cut it off before you turn it into an interrogation.

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