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‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

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421–430 of 669 posts

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#421
post #338

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If your only had a piano, instead of a computer, your story wouldn't be particularly convincing. People who grew up with a computer, before most other people had one, were lucky to find a rapidly growing industry. Most other people are getting very little for their single focus.

If I only had a piano to entertain myself I probably would not be a professional piano player, you are correct. But that's not the point of the anecdote. Replace my computer with anything else, and the frustrations will still be the same. The boredom and experimentation and learning and moments of clarity and joy and pain will still be the same. Whether I carry the piano into my adult life doesn't matter. I've still…

I do think it matters, because we are trying to establish some sort of utility of having focus in the context of the conversation. The theory of this thread is that a lack of focus is harmful and, at least partly, to blame for why young people are struggling.

You can be the most dedicated piano player, but if you later decides to channel that dedication into e.g. writing you are very likely to be struggling anyways. So now you are essentially in the same boat as everyone else.

Young people are mainly struggling because education, housing and long term careers are competitive and costly. Of course dedication can help with being successful in almost any sense of the word. But overall it is very likely overshadowed by other factors as e.g. your position in the housing market.

How many people who could afford a mortgage in a major city in their early twenties, by any means, are struggling with their lives today? Certainly a few, but surely a lot less than those who don't yet have a stable home in their thirties.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#422

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The West replaced God not with the self, but with shopping.

That and "Science." "Scientists" (catch-all term nobody seems to have a problem using with increasing frequency) are the new priest class.

Hence our fetishization that results in a watermill of these intellectuals

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#423

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The weird thing is most people will call you a misogynist for bringing this up. I would argue that in most major US cities there is already a large "harem" dynamic. It's mostly invisible to the general population, but quite obvious if you're friends with men in the top 1 to 2% of dating potential.

It is misogynist in its worldview; the woman's value is her attractiveness (which declines with age), and a man's attractiveness (which may be a function of money as well as just looks) is all she cares about. Just because it is misogynist does not mean that women don't participate in it. But whenever you reduce human relationships to something "simple", you're likely doing something offensive.

Just because somebody finds something offensive doesn’t stop it being true.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#424

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> So we sat down and decided what we wanted. How did you know that's what you wanted? What gives you the authority to say that's the best path for everyone? Consider an analogy for me - you mentioned travel. Have you ever driven through the mountains? Hiked up a few? Even from the road, it's easy to look up and see spectacular peaks calling out your name, begging to be climbed. And coming from a flat, midwestern stat…

Sounds like your perspective involves an omniscient ideal that does not and can not exist. Tradition exists for this very reason. We pass on what works, we do what works, and we don't presume to know what is better. That is what makes human beings so good at learning - we have the ability to hyper imitate one another. I see you doing something successfully, I don't need to know the actual process behind it, I just ne…

I'm assuming you're American...

What you've written (own a home, have job, make kids, go to church) really only applies to american's, who make up ~300m out of 7b people currently inhabiting our planet.

That definition of what we're evolved to do, is incredibly myopic; more so if you consider that definition of middle class has really only been around since the mid 1900's?

Home ownership is very much ingrained in American culture because of it's ties to the US economy (for those who own homes, it's typically they're only investment).

FWIW, I think it's great that you and your spouse have found meaning in your lives.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#425
post #404

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A system of ethics and moral rules that is evolved over time with no relation to how things are in themselves is simply so much legacy code, to be replaced by the stronger man at a time convenient to him. If, on the other hand, moral rules and ethics are due to the natures of things then there must be someone who intended things to exist in the manner they are intended to exist. That being must be a person because of…

> If, on the other hand, moral rules and ethics are due to the natures of things then there must be someone who intended things to exist in the manner they are intended to exist. This is not at all clear to me. Can you clarify?

Morals and ethics are either relative or absolute. If they are relative then they are not based on "what a thing is" (it's essence, to use an Aristotelean term) but on "how useful it is to me" or some other relative criteria). If, on the other hand, "what you ought to do with this thing" is based on "what is this thing and what is it intended to be", then there must exist some `intender` who is the reason for this thing's form / end being what that form / end is.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#426

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I would venture to guess that the majority of domestic violence is male against female Why? The data suggests it’s close to 50-50.

Really? Wow. I didn't realize that. Are there good sources for this kind of information you can refer me to?

"Nearly half of all women and men in the United States have experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime (48.4% and 48.8%, respectively)."

More numbers here:

https://www.thehotline.org/resources/statistics/

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#427

> And with men I date, I feel pressure to make something of the relationship too soon (move in, get married, “I have to have kids in a couple of years”; fun times!). I think most, if not all problems people have that aren't resource-driven (not making enough money to live) boil down to lack of ability to enjoy the present moment. And maybe even the resource-driven ones as well. If people could just learn how to relax…

Agree, all of these thoughts of hypothetical's that instantiate people's continuous internal dialogue take away, especially, from the beauty and mystery of connection with another person. Everyone has this 'agenda'(whether conscious or not) that, as some sort of psychic mold, must fit and restrict the reality of the present moment.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#428
post #328

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is the elephant in the room that most people don't want to discuss. Young women get confused, they are able to "short term date" men out of their league and so then balk at men who are their equals. I've seen a number of awkward marriage dynamics where the women was used to dating men of higher caliber than the man she married.

Of all the elephants in the room when it comes to modern tech-enabled dating, this is possibly the biggest and ugliest. The thought of ending up as one of those husbands genuinely makes my skin crawl. Imagine the woman you adore secretly resenting you for not measuring up to those alpha dudes she met on Tinder and dated for a few weeks at a time. I sometimes wonder if we’ll see total change in relationship dynamics i…

I don't think this has anything to do with modern dating. Powerful men have had mistresses and before that they had concubines. Now that casual dating is socially acceptable, the tendency for high social class men sleeping with lower social class women is more visible, but it isn't necessarily more popular. The number of sexual partners millennials have is similar to that of Gen X and the Boomers.

Source: https://www.latimes.com/science/sciencenow/la-sci-sn-millenn...

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#430

I think the parents of many 20 and 30-somethings played a role in so many young(ish) adults failing to launch. American parents could learn a thing or two about parenting from previous generations and from a lot of immigrant families: nobody owes you anything, plan for a rainy day, find a partner you love and commit to them, work hard, cherish friends and family even when it's difficult, etc. I think parenting has ov…

I understand the failure to launch part that modern parenting contributes to. However, from personal experience, I do not believe it is only limited to American-born parents. I grew up with a lot of Chinese/Indian/Korean immigrant families around (which are among the most "successful" immigrants in America in terms of wealth and educational attainment). We grew up with high expectations to study hard, go to a top uni…

The pleasing-the-parents issue is one that affects every family, since there are all kinds of hidden sociocultural expectations that tend to start being confronted near the end of the educational years and the start of career building and family formation. It's expressed more strongly in this time period because the job market has quickly reshaped itself around computing, and the traditionally safe options for young people are drying up while new aspirational fantasies like "become a pro Fortnite player" or "become a cryptocurrency baron" are working their way in.

And it isn't just a generation gap - a whole set of institutions are like this, motivating the popular "Millenials killed tradition" genre of journalism. And for the Millenial generation that amounts to having to reinvent each institution in a new form. Not an ambition anyone particularly signed up for, but one where the jobs are now.

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