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The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

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Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#411

Post by regularfry »

The more accessible version of this, for me, is lying in the bath. The phone is out of reach and it's more effort than is worthwhile to get any props other than maybe a book I don't care about getting wet into reach. So there's just nothing.

In that situation I can usually last about 5 minutes before my brain says write that thought down, you'll forget it so forcefully that the bath gets cut short. Rampant unmedicated ADHD has a lot to answer for. So I can second the physical writing recommendation, if only because having a laptop in the bath is a really stupid idea.

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#412

Post by hliyan »

j45 wrote: post #383
hliyan wrote: post #318

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There's an argument to be made that what alcohol achieves, and what meditation aims to achieve (and often fails) is the same thing: disengaging the prefrontal cortex. Once our basic needs are met, our higher brain functions can become an impediment to happiness, since they have neither a shut off switch nor a goal threshold -- it is insatiable, and will continue to analyze threats and manufacture problems to solve.

It’s always a personal choice, but I wouldn’t equate the two in any way because alcohol is a neurotoxin, carcinogen and doesn’t scale or compound the more it’s practiced. It doesn’t mean I might not have a drink, but I’m aware it’s triggers a “get the poison out” response from my body. Disengaging the prefrontal cortex is one thing, lowering the inhibitions and increasing emotional volatility in the rest of the brain…

To be clear, I'm not in any way endorsing alcohol use. It's a carcinogen with no safe consumption level. I'm merely suggested that both seem to have at least one thing in common: quieting down the workings of the prefrontal cortex.

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#413

Post by BoxOfRain »

0_____0 wrote: post #270
2ap wrote: post #169

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Part of my job, is that I design protocols to help young children lie in MRI scanners for a living. We have all sorts of techniques to help with this. However, for each new scanning protocol, I like to have had it myself - so I know what the children go through. And, at times lying inside a MRI scanner, detached from the world, with only the noise of the scanner (very reduced with our new noise cancelling headphones)…

Doing something where you get to say "bugger everything" and just do what you're doing for a while is amazing. It's one of the things I actually like about the (otherwise not very relaxing) ultra-distance racing. 2-6 days of just riding your bike, eating, sleeping outside. Yeah it can be hard but nothing makes the MS Teams chime in the woods.

Part of why I like sailing is for a similar reason, beyond a certain range the only people who can bother you electronically are other people at sea (and you actually want to listen to them).

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#414

Post by nelblu »

I really enjoyed reading this. I can totally see where the author is coming from. I have a dog, and this holiday season my wife went away to her parents for a month and I was all alone with my dog. My daily routine was to just take him for a hike in the morning, workout in my basement gym, cook some breakfast then do some mundane activities at home then prepare cooking for lunch (always prepare extra lunch for the neighbours or the random friend that shows up at my door), then again take the dog out to the dog park and enjoy conversation with regulars and or new ones. Come back enjoy lunch, read some book, then around 4pm before it gets too dark, take the dog out again for a hike. Stop by at a friend's house or just come back home watch a Disney movie then read again until you fall asleep.

All this time, I would intentionally forget my phone at home and all my notifications except calls were turned off.

EDIT: I must say having a dog made a lot of difference, I don't know if I would feel the same being just alone. That might be an experiment for another time :-).

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#415

Post by fl4tul4 »

davzie wrote: post #388
wolframhempel wrote: post #368

I used to work in investment banking in the city of London and later in Canary Wharf. I loved working in the city as it was a beautiful old place, people were very social and having 2-3 hour boozy lunches with someone who you might do business with one day wasn't a rarity (mind you, I moved out before covid, I understand things have changed quite a bit). Then I switched jobs and ended up in Canary Wharf. For those wh…

You should do more writing! I really enjoyed this and the way you write!

Yes, sir, blog away, we need your wisdom.

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#416

Post by [deleted] »

delis-thumbs-7e wrote: post #9

I didn’t quite understand why sitting alone in a café makes you a weirdo (is it an American thing?), but the piece was very well written. We all should learn how to be without electronics for every now and then, accompanied only our thoughts. It is good for the soul. I think the important part is leaving your phone and other devices home. Be alone, without even a possibility of connecting (apart from the old-fashione…

[deleted]

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#417

Post by beAbU »

cm2012 wrote: post #69
unsungNovelty wrote: post #50

Too many negative comments here. This is just someone discovering something new and sharing it very excitedly. Almost 6-7 years ago, I read about a 30min challenge to sit upright without doing anything in a chair challenge. That changed how I think about distractions. If I had written about it, there surely will be people who would just like here say... What is so crazy about it? I do that all the time... To me, this…

Trying to sit still for 30 min without any stimulation at all (no talking, watching, reading) sounds like torture to me.

Try rawdogging a train ride or short flight, and do nothing but take in the view. You might fool your body into accepting this state by actually doing something, but not really doing something.

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#418

Post by dav43 »

wolframhempel wrote: post #368

I used to work in investment banking in the city of London and later in Canary Wharf. I loved working in the city as it was a beautiful old place, people were very social and having 2-3 hour boozy lunches with someone who you might do business with one day wasn't a rarity (mind you, I moved out before covid, I understand things have changed quite a bit). Then I switched jobs and ended up in Canary Wharf. For those wh…

Singapore to a tea. Spooky that I had a similar path, Sydney -> HK -> New York -> Singapore. Crescendo-ing up to New York, then off a cliff into a full blow school-like world (but great trains).

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#419

Post by Tor3 »

owenpalmer wrote: post #133
quantumfissure wrote: post #124

For me, the issue is not being alone, or quiet. I don't even own a cell phone. It's everyone else with the incessant noise; non-stop music; speaker/video calls; and now AI talking back to you via phone. Speakerphones are the worst, I cannot believe we normalized having a two way conversation via speakerphone while holding it up to your ear. I used to enjoy nature and just sitting and staring, with portable bluetooth…

> I cannot believe we normalized having a two way conversation via speakerphone while holding it up to your ear. It's not normal, those people are rude.

Indeed it's rude, but since I suddenly found myself unplannedly having to use an iPhone I found that's it's hard to position the speaker so that my ear can actually hear the other person.. I have to carefully keep micro-adjusting the position until I can actually hear something, and then ask the person to start from the beginning. Speakerphone fixes that. Not that I would ever do that in public though.

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#420

Post by PapstJL4U »

delis-thumbs-7e wrote: post #9

I didn’t quite understand why sitting alone in a café makes you a weirdo (is it an American thing?), but the piece was very well written. We all should learn how to be without electronics for every now and then, accompanied only our thoughts. It is good for the soul. I think the important part is leaving your phone and other devices home. Be alone, without even a possibility of connecting (apart from the old-fashione…

From the blog

>It’s contradictory to sit alone in a café. It’s against the reason cafés exist.

I had the same feeling as you. Why is it weird to do something alone ? - and like you I thought this must be an American thing. Mostly, because stuff like "eating out alone" or "going to the movies alone" was describe as weird by American authors before.

Sure, it's close to impossible to not "auto-socialize", when you are alone. It's one of the reason I like to do things alone. Either being a regular to the cafe/restaurant host or you get into contact with other people,

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