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I rebooted my social life

takes.jamesomalley.co.uk

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Re: I rebooted my social life

#411

Post by steve_adams_86 »

gcanyon wrote: post #389
steve_adams_86 wrote: post #386

Earlier quoted context omitted.

For those really long guys we'd manage just 18kph or so. On shorter ones like 200km, we'd average more like mid 20s. I think beyond 300km is where the big shift happened and our average dropped a ton. Though we rode with some guys who had averages in the high 20s, even on 600s or further. We initially wanted to do a ride in France called Paris-Brest-Paris, but never got good enough. That's a 1200km ride. Then kids ha…

600/18 = 33+ hours(!!!) Hats off to you! I’ve done some long rides to be sure, but the longest I’ve ever ridden non-stop-ish is probably about 14 hours. I think riding through the night is a deal-breaker for me. I’ve never been on the road earlier than 6am, or later than 10pm.

14 hours is a solid trek! The 30 hour+ rides were relatively uncommon for us. I'd say the majority were closer to what you've done.

For sure, riding at night is awful. I'm too risk-averse to do it much these days. I've got kids who depend on me to be more careful than that.

We typically left around 4am, and on some rides would finish after midnight if not riding most of the night. Those dark hours were always pleasantly low-traffic, yet I always wondered if the ratio of drunk and/or tired drivers was far worse.

I think that's really the only part I don't miss, come to think of it. Headlights at night were always unsettling.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#412

Post by m101 »

paulryanrogers wrote: post #299
m101 wrote: post #227

On a tangent to the article- I quit my career just over two years ago now: same age as author, live in London too. The hardest thing about not working is the social life that work gives you. Whilst we may think that work is for money, it is also for 1) filling our time, and 2) spending time with people. Yes, some people are definitely a net-negative interaction, but most people are actually positive to one’s day, but…

Wow, retired in London. I don't think I'll ever afford to retire just living in the exurbs of the Midwest US. Kids and a spouse can push out the retirement goal considerably. Then there are medical issues and the extended family you'd hate to see on the street ...

If you exclude mortgage payments or rent then living in London is probably cheaper than living in most places in the US. We don’t have significant real estate taxes, my annual expenses on housing exc rent or mortgage payments (energy, service charge, internet, water, council taxes) is around 7-8k$. If you want health insurance it’s another 200-300$ a month but we have the nhs (albeit it is terrible for anything non-life threatening).

Re: I rebooted my social life

#413

Post by Throaway198712 »

fenomas wrote: post #115
squigz wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I was reading Brown at like.... 12 years old. The idea that anyone legitimately thought of it as historical fact is hard for me to believe. Not impossible, though... Did people also think of National Treasure as historically accurate?

The Da Vinci Code has a frontispiece page titled "FACTS" or similar, that lists various elements mentioned in the book and claims they're historically factual. That's the stuff lots of people believed (as did Dan Brown, one presumes).

I guess op didnt read that page!

Re: I rebooted my social life

#414

Post by dubeye »

iamnothere wrote: post #149
dubeye wrote: post #142

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It’s perhaps possible to get the bulk of this ‘required’ socialisation from your home life though

Yes. It helps to have a partner who also has a rich intellectual and/or creative life.

I don’t think even this is essential otherwise books would serve

Re: I rebooted my social life

#415

Post by dubeye »

basisword wrote: post #152
dubeye wrote: post #142

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It’s perhaps possible to get the bulk of this ‘required’ socialisation from your home life though

While this is true, when your relationship comes to an end you are suddenly very alone.

Yes but you can get new one

Re: I rebooted my social life

#416

Post by brailsafe »

make3 wrote: post #405
brailsafe wrote: post #300

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think I went through a phase of feeling like you do, but eventually I realized it was a pretentious, excessively online, insufficiently adventurous, disconnected way to engage in life, that was lacking in humility and vulnerability, relying too much on control. I realized all of this while not having gone to the apparent extreme you have, and never stopped building new friendships, but my level of engagement in tho…

I don't know if I'm the only one, but 30 strong friends sounds insane to me. You're a lucky human to have the personality and skills to achieve that.

Absolutely, and I try to keep that in mind. I tried to explicitly indicate that it's not a homogeneous group, not in terms of longevity, ethnic background, common ground, age, location, or frequency, although they are mostly the same sex among my closest friends. I try to just start small, open myself up to new experiences and people, and then identify when we have good chemistry, which takes a bit of personal honesty. For every good friend, I have probably 3 acquaintances that I also see regularly in group settings but not super close, and some of those that might have become close friends but dropped off for whatever reason.

They're people that I've known typically for at least 2 years, I trust, and I'd be able to DM for a hangout, drink with, engage in a variety of common interests together, we can roast each other and be toxic and give each other a pass as long as it's all in good humor.

The skills and traits that make me reasonably good at that don't help me in the kinds of activities that make people boring and successful in a nostalgic middle class suburbia sense, so it has tradeoffs, and it's not always easy, but it averages out to easy. I used to be very shy, and probably wouldn't be this way if I'd stayed in my hometown where everyone just stays away from each other and knows their high school mates. I live in a relatively expensive city, don't have a car or a house, or kids, or many physical assets. I'm employed, but probably have not been for more than half of my adult life, and I rent.

Spreading myself too thin beyond that isn't really sustainable until there's a good foundation of trust built and it's not as necessary to see each other every week. Some older friends I see once a year, others I've seen 4 times this week due to holiday parties, and some are people I know in my community. Events and lots of socializing come in bursts and it can be tiring, so I'll just dip out for a while and refresh when necessary, which I'm currently looking forward to, but have a wedding and a birthday coming up in the next 3 days lol

Incidentally, I've also never once known my immediate neighbors beyond a brief few conversations.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#417

Post by robomartin »

Animats wrote: post #391
robomartin wrote: post #384

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Interesting. I've had the urge/idea to start a maker space in the Los Angeles area on and off for years. My motivation isn't as much as a source for social engagement as much as starting to lay out a path to retirement that will have me busy at a lower level of intensity. My work does have me engaging with thousands of people every year through trade shows and sometimes a dozen trips every year both nationally and in…

The business problem with maker spaces is that the "gym model" didn't work. The gym model is that you pay some fixed fee per month, and don't come very often. People who bought TechShop memberships showed up too much. Many were using the place as their day job. There are some successes. Maker Nexus in Silicon Valley pivoted to after-school activities for teens. Humanmade in San Francisco is mostly a job training cent…

Yeah, that makes sense. I wonder if a more transactional model might work better.

Perhaps something like FedEx Office (formerly Kinkos). No membership. You go in and you pay to use equipment and resources. Of course, there would have to be levels of qualification someone would have to pass before being allowed to touch certain equipment. I suppose you could have classes (Solidworks, 3D printing, CNC machining, welding, etc.).

Writing that, at some level, it starts to feel complex. I say this in the context of my stated objective, which would be to stay busy at a low stress level after retirement. I am not sure that what I just described fits that model.

There's also a reality most don't want to think about. While, for the most part, dealing with the public is fun and interesting, there's always a very small percentage of people who behave badly. It's the old Tragedy of the Commons story. That's the part that none of us enjoy at all.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#418

Post by NoImmatureAdHom »

hypeatei wrote: post #372
NoImmatureAdHom wrote: post #206

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I appreciate you engaging. 1) https://speechfirst.org/case/title-ix/ is the third ddg result for title ix compelled speech. Basically, the feds under Biden were going to compel use of people's preferred pronouns. Ideally it would have failed in court. Elaboration: For a very long time, in many states and parts of the federal government, there has been overt discrimination on the basis of race, sex, disability status,…

> were going to compel use of people's preferred pronouns This is the exact mindset I mentioned above where Democrats are judged based on what they might've done or might happen, while Trump has clearly done things that go against our basic rights yet they're being shined in the same light. To be clear: I'm not saying we shouldn't criticize policy proposals. > "A huge conspiracy to overtly break the law" is what DEI…

Biden's new Title IX rules became law on August 1, 2024 so they weren't "might". Thankfully, we only had a few months under this particular imposition on our basic rights and push never came to shove. We agree that Orange Man does some Bad Things. I would bet history will look more kindly on him than society does now, though.

> the intentions of it are to widen the hiring pools to consider more people.

I think this is a charitable take. To "consider" more people. But: 1) considering people takes resources, and if there's an optimal amount of "considering" to do and you force the pool one way or another...you're forcing people out as well as in. There's no way to "consider" more people efficiently. It's a nice lie that many people told themselves and others.

2) More importantly, and because of 1), this is not generally how it worked imho. We got quotas and mandates, people were put to the "bottom of the pile" (i.e., their applications not looked at). It was clear-cut illegal discrimination at large corporations and in academia, and there's plenty of direct first-hand evidence of that (including here on HN). I saw it myself many times (admittedly in academia, which as you rightly point out is a white-hot ball of crazy in this regard).

3) I'm not going to do it, but I think it wouldn't be hard to find evidence of high-level people who were inflicting DEI explicitly saying it wasn't about "widening the hiring pools to consider more people", but rather directly about removing white people from power and replacing them with black, brown, gay, female, or ideally some combo people. Nothing to do with "considering", just a power grab under an alternative metric for fairness they called "equity".

As for court losses: https://reason.com/2023/09/07/affirmative-action-loses-in-co... Affirmative action is over, is the biggest one

https://www.scotusblog.com/cases/case-files/ames-v-ohio-depa... is another big one

More minor but: Executive Order 14151 "Ending Radical and Wasteful Government DEI Programs and Preferencing" was blocked but now is un-blocked and enforceable nationwide: https://apnews.com/article/dei-trump-administration-appeals-...

EO 14173 "Ending Illegal Discrimination and Restoring Merit-Based Opportunity" had an injuction, but that injunction was stayed https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/district-courts/marylan...

It appears to me that these programs pretty much have been axed across the board.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#419

Post by urban_strike »

johnfn wrote: post #318
urban_strike wrote: post #282

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, I've been trying to wrap my head around this recently. I always get a bit irked by the inevitable comments confidently asserting things like "humans are social animals, if you think you don't need tight social connections you're just hurting yourself". And then pointing to these results averaged out over the entire population as "proof". It seems like there's got to be some statistical fallacy being made, like…

If it helps you understand the other side - very many people, and I consider myself one of them, went through a long part of life without realizing that "humans are social animals". In my case I was very unhappy for a very long time until I realized that socialization was the missing ingredient. Worse, I didn't even realize I was unhappy, and I had persuaded myself I was fine. When you have this sort of a revelation,…

Thanks, that does help to see it as good faith advice. I'd be totally on board with a framing like "If you're alone and unhappy or dissatisfied in life, social connection could likely be the missing piece." Though it seems even that often follows up with "If you _think_ you're content being alone, you just don't know what you're missing", similar to how parents talk about how their lives changed after having kids. Which is fine and could be true for pretty much everyone, I just hate that it's stated in a way that's unfalsifiable. That if you think differently you're just fooling yourself, and you'll change your mind once you do it.

I've found a lot of those assertions about how to live a "great" life (often based on societal averages about life expectancy) don't fit my actual subjective experience, and I had to spend years doing all the "right things" in life and wondering why it wasn't fulfilling for me. Similar to the sibling comment, it's been liberating to stop taking that type of advice as applicable to me, but that means it jumps out at me everywhere now, hah.

Oh, and for what it's worth, I'm approaching my 40's, have had partners, lived with them for years, good relationship with family, never been burned or damaged socially. Those things just still never seemed as central or necessary to me as they apparently are for others.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#420

Post by bragh »

WolfeReader wrote: post #399
Thiez wrote: post #362

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Of course people dying younger is a benefit to society. Old people cost a lot, they're not productive, and (unlike children) they don't have any productive years in their future either. Ideally we would all drop dead of a heart attack 10 years after reaching retirement age (this would also solve the geriatocracy we find ourselves in). Instead we clutch to life far beyond any societal benefit and, in many cases, beyon…

I notice that both you and bragh have this idea - bragh calls it "working years", and you call it "productive years". You only value the lives of people so long as the wealthy are able to extract value from them. I'm all for death with dignity and not being a burden on your loved ones. But people who've worked all their lives deserve to have a period after where they can enjoy life without the burden of "productivity…

You misunderstand me. No, I do not think that it is a good thing that society works this way, but yet it does.
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