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Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

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Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#411

Post by phil21 »

nox101 wrote: post #409
grumpy-de-sre wrote: post #329

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Just have a look at https://ourworldindata.org/trust . The Anglo countries are all well above the global average (but admittedly East Asia and the Scandinavians have us beat). I'm super impressed by how high trust China is tbh. Apparently, since the recent increase in surveillance (and ability to police petty crime), a lot of folks don't even bother locking up bikes etc. FWIW the only Anglo country left in the EU is…

I don't trust that data (haha, trust). how do they ascertain trust? By asking? It might be true that Scandinavians claim they trust their neighbors but those are places where your stuff will get stolen, packages get stolen, you don't leave stuff on a public table to use the restroom if you don't want it stolen. In other words, you can't actually trust people. They list Japan as less trusting, even less trusting than…

Trust is not just petty crime. It's everything from crime to business transactions and more.

I might leave my laptop on a table while I use a public restroom in China, but I sure as hell trust a business partner far less than I would one in the US on average.

Cultures differ greatly in how trust is assigned and expectations. There are areas in Eastern Europe I would walk through a dark alley at 3am in the 'bad' part of town and not think twice about it. But I sure wouldn't trust their police force to not be corrupt and expect a bribe if they hassled me. The reverse holding true in a major city in the US.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#412

Post by nox101 »

lo_zamoyski wrote: post #345
nox101 wrote: post #276

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Japanese are massively superstitious (as are most peoples). That's not quite the same as religion but it's somewhere in the same side of the spectrum.

I would question this thesis. First, “religion” is not an especially good word in practice, as what people call “religion” is highly varied, enough so that the set of assertions that hold for all of them is exceedingly small and increasingly banal such that it ultimately becomes synonymous with worldview. The vague feeling of what religion is in most people’s minds is highly informed by caricature and parochial exper…

For me, "religion" generally means "belief in invisible people/spirits/beings that have influence on the world". Superstition is a superset of that that includes the subset of "belief in ghosts/spirits/souls aka, invisible people/spirits/beings that have influence on the world". The majority of Japanese (and probably most other cultures) believe in "ghosts/spirits/souls that have influence on the world" but most Japanese might not a few special all powerful ones (eg: "God").

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#413

Post by llamaimperative »

derefr wrote: post #408
rayiner wrote: post #399

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[flagged]

Yes, racist. I took my (Asian) partner back with me to visit the small town I grew up in, and I could not believe some of the shit coming out of people's mouths when they saw her. Literally 1 in 5 people she talked to while we were there would do some sort of "funny" voice or ask her some real stupid shit; and 1 in 20 people we passed while walking around in the downtown area would shout slurs at her from across the…

My fav thing in the tech world are the “conservatives” who grew up in some of the bluest areas in the country (and benefitted from all affiliated things like excellent education and healthcare systems) then cast doubt on how bad small town red America is on these dimensions.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#414

Post by llamaimperative »

hyperliner wrote: post #198
moneywoes wrote: post #178

Earlier quoted context omitted.

curios any more insight on that stat? it contradicts the thesis of the op edit found this https://themortgagepoint.com/2024/08/20/most-americans-stay-...

Two good ones: “The Typical American Lives Only 18 Miles From Mom” https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2015/12/24/upshot/24up-f... “More than half of Americans live within an hour of extended family” https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2022/05/18/more-than...

If you’ve lived within 20 minutes of a friend versus 2 minutes of a friend, it’d be immediately obvious how irrelevant “only 18 miles” and “within an hour” are.

Someone 45 minutes away might as well require a flight, as far as I’m concerned

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#415

Post by llamaimperative »

dukeyukey wrote: post #272
iamricks wrote: post #159

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I am Cuban and from Miami. The culture here is very similar where people will sacrifice everything in order to stay living close to family and "home". Here it stems a lot from the financial anxiety passed down from our parents and a culture where you relied a lot on your entire family. I think it really holds a lot of people back.

If you're Cuban and living in Miami, you are literally not near your "home", and probably not near your family? Or rather, physically close but still a plane ride and a diplomatic cold zone away.

Presumably they’re Cuban-American…

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#416

Post by phil21 »

aylmao wrote: post #151
more_corn wrote: post #120

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This isn’t restricted to US culture. Every culture on earth sees a draw from the small towns and villages to the city. Opportunities, culture, better pay, access to education. Japanese villages are empty. Spain, Italy the same. I’m in Thailand and my guide said exactly the same thing yesterday. There’s also a draw away from the city as people have kids. They want a bit more quiet. Good schools safe environment. The m…

> Every culture on earth sees a draw from the small towns and villages to the city. What you're describing is true, but also different from what the original comment is talking about. There is a global trend to urbanization, yes. The original comment isn't talking about moving from rural to urban; what they say applies to moving from one city to another. Moreover, at an individual scale, moving for better opportuniti…

Internal migration in the US is at record lows and has been declining over the past few decades.

It used to be far more common to move for economic opportunity and put down new roots far from previous friends and family.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#417

Post by phil21 »

odyssey7 wrote: post #371
nradov wrote: post #368

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Remote work couldn't have solved anything. It's a great option for some people but it can only ever be possible for a tiny fraction of jobs where everything is done online. So basically nothing in agriculture, mining, construction, manufacturing, healthcare, retail, military, transportation, utilities, tourism, hospitality, primary education, sports, etc. Even in the tech industry a lot of employees will always have…

Perhaps it’s just my bubble, but I mainly see this happen with people who do knowledge work which could definitely be 100% completed online. Even if this is just a “tiny fraction” of workers, allowing them the liberty to easily pursue their career while also maintaining close relations with their family would be good, not merely something to write off as negligible. Every human life matters.

It simply creates an even more privileged knowledge worker class.

I recently spent a lot of time in some more rural parts of the US. There is rapidly growing resentment over this topic. It came up nearly daily in casual conversation/overheard at bars/etc.

It might be good for 5-10% of the population, but at what cost to social cohesion? These were certainly not CEO type of folks, and they were not terminally on-line or overtly political. Just quite average people across the age and industry spectrum.

Now add in those knowledge workers typically making far more money than the prevailing local wages and it gets even worse as they bid up housing.

This is something I think about a lot. It's easy to dismiss as many here do with "stop crying, life isn't fair" - but that's not a very satisfying answer. It's about as satisfying and corrosive to society as telling coal miners to "learn to code".

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#418

Post by [deleted] »

derefr wrote: post #375
dlisboa wrote: post #71

Coming from a Latin American the idea of re-starting your life across the country for college and then again for work (multiple times sometimes) while away from family and friends is very foreign. A lot of the conversation around modern American youth feeling isolated, lacking socialization and not building strong relationships seems that stem from this drive. Another thing that’s really weird and related is another…

When Americans are motivated to move out of the small town they were born in, it's often because that "small town" is a dying and depopulated hollow shell full of awful, racist, jobless, drug-addicted idiots who are mostly only surviving off of some kind of long-term disability insurance. Often, with these kinds of places, they aren't a place your family has lived for generations, and nor are they a place you have th…

[deleted]

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#419

Post by scyzoryk_xyz »

Sn0wCoder wrote: post #98
scyzoryk_xyz wrote: post #72

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Move back, force your wife to only interact with your dudes’ wives. Shed individuality, kick back beers with the boyz. Reminisce only about the good old days. Bond over ritualized sports. Start families in sync so kids can be raised together. Forge new shared traditions, establish a rules based order of discipline and brotherhood. Protect the offspring from outsiders. To do this establish dominance over other familie…

Hey @scyzoryk_xyz I laughed out loud and could understand the tongue in cheek sediment before the edits. When I was younger dreamed about becoming rich and buying a whole subdivision and moving my family and friends into the compound. Obviously, that was before I actually had a wife and children. Compromise is the only way relationships work with family and friends. Good thing is you have more than enough HN Karma to…

Ended up with a karmic boost instead ¯\_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_/¯

Yeah I’ve made decisions to go back, but haven’t started a family. I’ve been curiously observing how much for those friends around me with kids friction against „society” is a whole thing.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#420

Post by rayiner »

derefr wrote: post #408
rayiner wrote: post #399

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[flagged]

Yes, racist. I took my (Asian) partner back with me to visit the small town I grew up in, and I could not believe some of the shit coming out of people's mouths when they saw her. Literally 1 in 5 people she talked to while we were there would do some sort of "funny" voice or ask her some real stupid shit; and 1 in 20 people we passed while walking around in the downtown area would shout slurs at her from across the…

Is she one of those Asians who thinks it’s “racist” when people ask questions that merely acknowledge that Asians are highly likely to be immigrants or children of immigrants? Like: “where are you really from?”

I find it impossible to believe that people are literally “yelling slurs” to anyone in street unprovoked. I look like a 9/11 hijacker and nobody has ever done that to me even walking around bumblefuck south Georgia.

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