Neurosis
Why aren't smart people happier?
411–420 of 515 posts
Re: Why aren't smart people happier?
#412Being smart isn't enough, you have to be wise. Intelligence can help you climb to the highest positions in business and academia, wisdom allows you to understand that it isn't really worth it.
> Intelligence can help you climb to the highest positions in business and academia
I don't really think that's true. Some of the smartest people I know are nowhere near the highest positions of business and academia.
Re: Why aren't smart people happier?
#413Earlier quoted context omitted.
Serious question - how old are you? Anecdotally I’ve noticed smart people tend to have this attitude until their late 20s when it starts mellowing out. Now I’m a bit older I see my smarter friends happier than anyone and the less smart just about the same as always
Yeah, I find that looking at anything space-related helps me remember that our entire species and history are completely and utterly insignificant in the grander scheme of things. All this day-to-day drama just really isn’t that important.
well i mean it's also completely valid to say everything else in the universe is completely and utterly insignificant compared to my decision on what to have for lunch.
just because the universe is big and old doesn't mean it has any special meaning or significance.
Re: Why aren't smart people happier?
#414Earlier quoted context omitted.
You have the life experience to know what will and won't affect you, and you've found an equilibrium of control and impact that apparently makes you happy. That's very you specific, not really related to your age, other than that it took you until your 30s to find that equilibrium. There's nothing at all written down anywhere that ensures such an equilibrium for everyone, however. Especially for folks who represent a…
> You have the life experience to know what will and won't affect you, and you've found an equilibrium of control and impact that apparently makes you happy. I think some people have too much empathy to ever reach that point. I have a few friends that literally broke out in tears when Russia began the invasion of Ukraine. They don't know a single person in Ukraine. Nothing about the war truly has an effect on their d…
What you're feeling is selfishness, not sociopathy, for what it's worth! I don't think a sociopath would wonder what you're wondering here, but I'm no expert.
Re: Why aren't smart people happier?
#415Many people conflate hedonistic pleasure with happiness. This is a big mistake that leads to addiction, selfishness and inevitable dissatisfaction. Even happiness as a sustainable state may be an unrealistic or unattainable goal. For me the answer to this puzzle is a finely tuned balance between self growth and contentment with perhaps a heavier emphasis on contentment. Regular and consistent periods of reflection and appreciation for what you have (no matter how small) is the recipe for promoting states of contentment. Pleasure is ephemeral, happiness comes and goes but contentment can be reliably and directly cultivated.
Re: Why aren't smart people happier?
#416I have noticed that a lot of/majority of "regular people" tend to coast along on the back of others as a way of life. If "smart people" are perceived by friends and family as being problem solvers, many will route their problems to a "smart friend", someone who seems to have their life somewhat in order or always have the answer to everything. I used to get an endless stream of requests for everything from technical…
Ha ha! So much this.
Nowadays whenever I get a call from an old friend out of the blue, I know what it is. Tech interview help OR career advice.
Re: Why aren't smart people happier?
#417Earlier quoted context omitted.
> "regular people" tend to coast along on the back of others as a way of life...many will route their problems to a "smart friend" The human animal's basic survival strategy is cooperation. I'd imagine your "regular people" friends should be willing to help you out with something not readily in your power (e.g. house-sitting). Because you are intelligent, you get a certain kind of request; if you had a big truck or b…
My experience has been that when you go to call in these favors you get to encounter that person's boundaries. Often their boundaries are that they don't like to help in the same way that they ask for help.
I don’t see what the problem is. If you have helped someone a lot, and then call in a favor and the ghost you, you didn’t lose a friend. You lost a parasite.
It’s like when you lend money to someone and they avoid you to never pay you back. Depending on the amount that can be money well spent.
Re: Why aren't smart people happier?
#418Earlier quoted context omitted.
I think it's just increased wisdom and maturity. Some people need a certain number of years (their twenties) before you start noticing how pointless and bad for you it is to be angry at the world.
I think it is more you start out trying to fix the worlds problems, and then after some years you give up and become happier. I don't think it is wisdom or maturity, many people give up as a kid and just go through the motions from the start, I wouldn't call those wise or mature.
"going through the motions" is a phrase associated with sadness, not happiness. That's not at all what OP was describing.
EDIT: rephrased to not be snarky
Re: Why aren't smart people happier?
#419I have noticed that a lot of/majority of "regular people" tend to coast along on the back of others as a way of life. If "smart people" are perceived by friends and family as being problem solvers, many will route their problems to a "smart friend", someone who seems to have their life somewhat in order or always have the answer to everything. I used to get an endless stream of requests for everything from technical…
> it comes at a high cost
In addition to what you mentioned, there is a hidden cost of responsibility. Once we advise people, they start holding us responsible for the result. Something goes wrong? It's now our fault.
Re: Why aren't smart people happier?
#420I have noticed that a lot of/majority of "regular people" tend to coast along on the back of others as a way of life. If "smart people" are perceived by friends and family as being problem solvers, many will route their problems to a "smart friend", someone who seems to have their life somewhat in order or always have the answer to everything. I used to get an endless stream of requests for everything from technical…
Randomly say no.
Not always, but occasionally roll a die and if it comes back a one, decline to help them and give a polite excuse.
You still benefit others without them consuming all your time.