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My experience of losing a friend to heroin (2020)

mattlakeman.org

411–420 of 497 posts

Re: My experience of losing a friend to heroin (2020)

#411
post #264

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I started writing out a much longer response to this, but it just got very ranty so I'll cut it short. If you insist on such a reevaluation as to why people aren't in their best state, a one word answer "lazy", "attention seeking" (okay thats two words, you get the idea), "weak" isn't going to cut it. You need to continue to ask yourself why that is the case, why are these people so apparently lazy, that they would a…

I have seen the homeless as people to be pitied and helped. Just weak people, down on their luck. So you help them, right? I let a homeless man sleep in the hallway of my building. He took a shit in front of my door. Now if I had seen the homeless as what they actually are, maybe weak, maybe helpless, but still people with agency who can be absolute assholes, that wouldn't have happened. And I hate that this is overl…

>I have seen the homeless as people to be pitied and helped. Just weak people, down on their luck.

They are. They also tend to have high rates of mental illness, which often is what leads them to live transient lives. Leaving them in your hallway unsupervised, though well intentioned, isn't the way to help them. It didn't backfire because people are assholes, it backfired because you operated on a faulty understanding of the situation

Re: My experience of losing a friend to heroin (2020)

#412
post #410

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The absolutely accurate word used to describe that level of addiction in Christian theology is "slavery" Completely captures the idea of unmitigated subservience to the drug or alcohol master.

> drug or alcohol master. Nitpicking, but since political correctness seems to be all the rage nowadays, please consider removing "or alcohol" from that sentence (at least mentally) since alcohol is a drug, just like heroin or coffee or nicotine or LSD, only with varying degrees of effects, damage and dependency. Disclaimer: Have tried most common drugs at least once in my life and find alcohol to be one of the most…

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Re: My experience of losing a friend to heroin (2020)

#413

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As a Swiss person who spent a few years in the 90s going to primary school on Langstrasse, watching junkies shoot up, and having to be careful in city parks to not step on the mountains of used needles… that is about the WORST idea I have ever heard. The Swiss experiment in the 80s and 90s was a complete disaster, and it wasn't until the 2010s that that part of Zurich was finally cleaned up. It attracted the worst ju…

FWIW, used needles were a common sight in my childhood and youth in the '80s/'90s in Italy too, and we didn't have such policy. I've literally not seen a used needle in at least a decade, but again, I'm not sure it's because of policy, it seems more likely that people have just, for the most cases, switched to different drugs.

Ditto in Spain.

Re: My experience of losing a friend to heroin (2020)

#414
post #378

I'm seeing a lot of responses to this article and to some comments that are of the "just don't do drugs or drink alcohol, what's the big deal?" variety. To the people with that attitude I'd like to plainly say that you don't know what you're talking about. At all. Alcoholism in it's true form - physical alcohol dependency - is a terrifying and debilitating disease, that captures the very will of the afflicted. There…

>Alcoholism in it's true form - physical alcohol dependency - is a terrifying and debilitating disease, that captures the very will of the afflicted. There is no escaping the siren song of alcohol for the sufferer. It isn't a question of "just say no", it's a minute-by-minute willful struggle against an urge so powerful that at times, the alcoholic would gladly trade the lives of his children for another drink.

I drank far too much, far too often. But like I've got the habit to drink too much, little, by little, I also got the habit to drink just a little, also little by little.

Re: My experience of losing a friend to heroin (2020)

#415

This is a sad story. I have lots of sympathy. But I can't help but think this is a spiritual problem. In particular, rehab seems utterly useless. Obviously, it helps them get over the chemical dependency. But it seems to completely neglect the spiritual one. Unfortunately you cannot install the spiritual tools that lead to non nihilism later in life which is why childhood spirituality and culture are so important. Ma…

Would you be able to expand on what you mean by it being a spiritual problem? And what the spiritual tools for the avoidance of nihilism are? I'm only just now, in my thirties, learning about spirituality, so I'd be interested to hear your views.

Well I'm Catholic, so I'm going to offer this to you from that perspective. While I understand the tenets of many other world religions, having never experienced any of their spiritualities, I can't comment on them.

A big part of Christian spirituality is feeling joy even while in pain, and of finding hope even when there is no reason to hope. In the Book of Job, Job is tested in his faith by having almost every suffering in the book thrown at him. Christian martyrs were known for embracing their martyrdom. Catholicism teaches us to find joy in suffering (St Theresa of Avila, Doctor of the Church, said 'Lord, either let me suffer or let me die'). These are all spiritual tools 'installed' at a young age. They are installed via phrases our parents and community member's mention and bring up children in. Things like 'God sees all', whenever someone is slighted, or 'just pray' (which I know drives some people here nuts).

Today, such practices are often criticized. Mother Theresa is currently castigated for this aspect of Catholic spirituality, mainly by a society that sees any problem as fixable with just the right 'stuff'. A lot of the confusion in this thread is from people whose own views were challenged by this story. The story fit none of their preconceived notions of what causes drug abuse and none of their 'stuff' (policy solutions, chemicals, etc) could clearly fix it. However, such practices are vital.

I'll give you an example. My wife and I lost seven children before birth. Now, this is a very traumatic experience, especially with not having had any children before that. I'm not going to claim I'm a great person, or even a great Catholic. I was angry at God, upset with the church, mad at life basically. I stopped going to mass for several months (as did my wife). We basically lived alone, and cut off all friends / community. These are unhealthy reactions. Things changed when a deacon who I was friendly with told me to go to confession, and to embrace the cross God has given. Broadly speaking he was correct. The basic part of Christian hope (that by our continued suffering, God will save us) was absolutely vital. After seven miscarriages (some very late), no medical answers whatsoever (all doctors were stumped, nothing wrong with either my wife and I after many tests), my wife and I fought all the time. We frequently had thoughts of suicide, etc. Many today would suggest a therapist, but confession and meditative prayer helped more.

Church teaching on suffering gave me a purpose. Catholics believe that in our moments of suffering, we are taking on the cleansing of the entire world. By offering our sufferings to God, we make the world a better place. Such a thing probably sounds ridiculous to many non-Catholics, but this process of taking the worst possible outcomes and believing that such a thing actually serves to help others and your community really helps when you're feeling down.

It's very difficult to explain. Confession for me broke the cycle of despair. I'd go almost daily at the beginning, half the time just to talk to someone else in confidence, and tell him that I hated and cursed God (which was my main sin at the time). I don't think any therapist could substitute here, since a therapist could potentially encourage me to distance myself from God, and certainly wouldn't speak on behalf of God, but the priest would. For example, when I confessed hating God and despising him, the priest told me that's okay, because God loved me still anyway. Was that frustrating to hear? Yes... but ultimately it's true. From that it transformed into meditative prayer (i.e., praying the Jesus prayer while walking... this is a common Orthodox practice). From that into asking God to accept my own personal trials as penance for the world. And from that, I started feeling better about my own place in the world and in fact, I found that I was being pulled to do good for other people, which helped provide meaning. Eventually, we did end up having living children, which was also nice, but these experiences have stuck with me. Again... I'm not a perfect Catholic. My confessions are still littered with all kinds of sins (and sometimes very serious ones), but just knowing what to do when things go bad is important.

Re: My experience of losing a friend to heroin (2020)

#416

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Maybe if you had offered him an actual place to sleep and shit instead of being an asshole yourself, you wouldn’t have had to deal with the consequences. You decided he was not worth as much as you.

If he had let him into his house, he would have been robbed of worse. There is a reason every single person in their life abandoned them to sleep in the cold.

Maybe.

Re: My experience of losing a friend to heroin (2020)

#417
This hits home for me a little bit. I had a friend I lost to it a few years back. Not a really close friend, but a long time friend with a bond.

It's about the same, minus the small town and the antisocial tendancies. Middle class white parents, not real trouble at home besides his problems, years and years of relapses, no real future for him and it was unclear if there ever was going to be, even before the drugs. When I found out he had died I remembered thinking a few years before that he was going to die from it. It was unsurprising but still a shock if that makes any sense.

I think he felt that his life was a choice between being a loser and being a loser that feels really good a few hours a day. And as sad as it is to say, I don't think he was wrong. I'm sad that he is gone but I don't think his life was going to go any other way.

Re: My experience of losing a friend to heroin (2020)

#418
post #204

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> ...why would any drugs even leave the facility. They wouldn't need to. Supply follows demand. When you get enough users in one spot, you'll find dealers. I'm strongly anti-prohibition and I think safe supply and safe injection sites are crucial, but there's no silver bullet. Every simple solution will cause knock-on problems.

Why would addicts pay dealers when they could get it for free? Genuine question.

Same reason you'd go to a bar to have a few drinks rather than pick up a six pack on the way home. There's more to these things than the substances themselves, something silver bullet salesman often forget to point out.

Re: My experience of losing a friend to heroin (2020)

#419
post #233

This is kinda like me (ex-Soviet person) explaining that the policies a lot of US "progressives" are proposing would, if followed to their logical conclusion, result in everyone living in poverty, and them personally being sent to a labor camp as "counter-revolutionary element" if they were to "succeed". This gets downvoted and flagged right away, but it's still something I will keep telling people, because there's n…

Would you please stop taking HN threads into ideological flamewar? We've asked you a ton of times and you keep doing it. This is not cool.

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=28418940 (Sept 2021)

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=23794930 (July 2020)

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=22780928 (April 2020)

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=22529248 (March 2020)

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=22230998 (Feb 2020)

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=21231732 (Oct 2019)

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=20538835 (July 2019)

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=20330767 (July 2019)

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=20290159 (June 2019)

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=20171389 (June 2019)

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19989223 (May 2019)

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19831107 (May 2019)

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=18801821 (Jan 2019)

We've cut you a ton of slack because you also post good comments but if you continue to blow off these moderation requests, that's not going to continue.

If you wouldn't mind reviewing https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html and taking the intended spirit of the site more to heart, we'd be grateful.

I've detached this subthread from https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=28996501.

Re: My experience of losing a friend to heroin (2020)

#420
post #233

This is kinda like me (ex-Soviet person) explaining that the policies a lot of US "progressives" are proposing would, if followed to their logical conclusion, result in everyone living in poverty, and them personally being sent to a labor camp as "counter-revolutionary element" if they were to "succeed". This gets downvoted and flagged right away, but it's still something I will keep telling people, because there's n…

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