Live data from Hacker News

Female Founder Secrets: Men Clamming Up

femfosec.com

411–420 of 1001 posts

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Men Clamming Up

#411
post #402

As an investor, of course I clam up. I spend my days looking at the world in terms of risk-adjusted returns and cost benefit analyses, so why would I take a human capital risk? My entire business is based on my reputation and I've seen what happens to the men who get comments like "not the best with women at conferences" or "don't get him too close to your wife." It's limiting beyond your career. I can count on two h…

There is another side effect to this that I would add as a casual investor. My bar for getting involved in a US startup is much higher than it used to be, because it's hard to make uncomfortable changes that might be construed in the wrong way. I find myself investing more freely in other countries where there is more upside and less risk of a career-destroying media storm. China for example has all kinds of unique r…

I disagree pretty strongly, but obviously your experience is your own. If you are going into a hotly contested investment process, are you going to get away with asking for big uncomfortable changes? Probably not as you'll lose the round.

If you are already invested? I find it's pretty easy as I really am only looking to back people who are open-minded, receptive and coachable in the first place as I hope I am. One of the most common criticisms I make is that someone backed the wrong head of sales, head of growth, etc. and folks almost always hear me out because I can be quantifiable (sales metrics) and bring a solution (someone better).

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Men Clamming Up

#412

> I’m not going to suggest a solution to the problem of men clamming up. I find this a little frustrating, they’ve noticed a pattern of behaviour that concerns them in an area they are clearly invested in - yet they have no thoughts or suggestions on how to address this? Is it possible they are not offering such thoughts because of the same issue they have highlighted in the article?

Because the author doesn't know of an actual solution. Sometimes that happens. Most catch-22 situations really don't have a good solution without some external force (in this case the mob) being removed / mitigated.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Men Clamming Up

#413
post #275

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Your methods and conclusions make no sense - associating with women doesn't get you canceled, Kevin Spacey didn't molest any women as far as I know. Smugness makes no sense when what it appears is you have some deep rooted psychological issues that need addressing.

I am going to be honest and admit I have a problem with women also and would much prefer to work only with other men. In addition, I lament that it is iillegal for men to have their own organizations of any kind. It is not legal for men to have their own clubs or organizations in the Western world. It is illegal for men, and particularly white men, to self select and self organize. This is a factual statement. I do w…

I find this view interesting, I have a close friend (not in tech) that also doesn't want to work with women.

My own view is that I have no problem working with women (though there are some women I would refuse to work with or be around in a social setting b/c of the risk). I suspect I don't mind because I've had a positive experience working in a research lab were the PI was a female, as well as one of the research assistants that I closely worked with: I did one aspect of hardware/software, she did the other.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Men Clamming Up

#414
Sexism is not a fixed category. Every comment falls on a spectrum between absolutely sexist and absolutely not sexist.

But when we evaluate how sexist a comment was, it's much simpler to label it as "sexist" or "not sexist". This label loses all context, especially when we share it with someone who wasn't there or otherwise doesn't have that context.

So outside of the fact that sexism exists, this problem isn't specific to culture or Twitter. It's a result of how we interpret, compress, and share reality with each other.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Men Clamming Up

#415
post #238

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Women have for years had the same fear of men. Most men, good people. Or at least not criminally bad. But some are. But the social stigma of women going out alone at night, fear of first dates etc. has permeated the social fabric of how women have to treat men on their day to day. I've yet to encounter a woman who has gone from internalizing this aspect of society to dropping their priors and living care free without…

>Women have for years had the same fear of men. Most men, good people. Or at least not criminally bad. But some are. But the social stigma of women going out alone at night, fear of first dates etc. has permeated the social fabric of how women have to treat men on their day to day. I've yet to encounter a woman who has gone from internalizing this aspect of society to dropping their priors and living care free withou…

There is another possible source of fear - in addition to biology and trauma, there is also observation together with reason. Even if one has zero prior trauma, it's not hard for one to realize that men are on average an order of magnitude more violent than women are.

My own experiences with fighting have not given me a fear of men in general, but they have certainly contributed to a caution that I have around certain types of men - in particular, around men who have either an animalistic concern with territoriality and status, a socioeconomic desperation that makes them willing to rob outsiders, or both. I try to steer clear not only of men of this type but also of entire demographics and parts of the world in which they are common.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Men Clamming Up

#416

I'm really glad to see this here. I don't have a better word readily available than sexism for trying to talk about patterns like this but when I use the word sexism , I think people think I mean "Men are intentionally exclusionary assholes just to be assholes because they simply hate women." and that's never what I'm trying to say. I find my gender is a barrier to getting traction and my experience is that it's due…

It's more like reverse sexism here. I totally get the behaviour here. You simply don't want to be on the receiving end of potential backlash when you're just trying to help someone. The calculus being you feel as if you might make a genuine remark only to receive a response interpreting said remark as the product of sexism e.g "out of persons A and B, I think B should run the company" where A is a woman and B is a ma…

[deleted]

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Men Clamming Up

#417

I have been extremely fortuante that women have always found me very attractive and there is not a single job I've had where female co-workers didn't make comments at work which would not have been seen as extremely inappropriate the other way around. Even when I was 19 and I got my first job some 30+/40+ year old female co-workers heavily flirted with me in the most inappropriate way. I'm not gonna lie, I enjoyed it…

Our culture and our behaviors are a really vast field. It's easy to skew the perception of things when you select and repeat only the part you want.

For example you mention wage, and that's because it's repeated over and over again. But how about life expectancy? Is is considered a major sexism problem? Can we fix that gap?

I agree with your post 100%, we are not judged equally.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Men Clamming Up

#418
Maybe the investors shouldn't be such fucking cowards? Unless you have a long, storied history of being a sexist piece of shit, you should have no fear of being "me too"'d over the scenario presented in the article's intro.

And seriously, why should I believe any of this? Sorry, but the article reads as feminist-boogeyman porn for insecure male investors.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Men Clamming Up

#419

I'm a bit sad about how eager everyone is jumping on the idea that "candid advice" will always be construed as possibly sexist. I'm from Germany and we are famously blunt, so maybe there is a cultural aspect to this, but to me candor != risk of sexism. If your advice is candid, it also shouldn't leave any ambiguity..."I'm unsure about you doing the pitch because the last N times you froze up and you seem nervous agai…

If I'm sexist then I could choose to make such a remark only if it happens to be a female colleague. If male then sleep(). Sexism achieved. If you're not from the U.S. you have to understand the background of mendacity that flows through nearly the entire culture. That's a big part of the backdrop for fairly deep levels of distrust, whether it's of a company, one's colleague, the gov't, etc. For example-- I was watch…

Wow, that's a pretty deep, insightful and harsh analysis of your own culture. You've found exactly the words to express something that I noticed in the states as well, but couldn't quite put my finger on.

Did you figure this from the outside, so to speak, spending time abroad and immersing in a different culture? I've found that most people sort of start noticing cultural blind spots only then.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Men Clamming Up

#420
Two points, although not specific to female founders:

Elon Musk's advice: Solicit Negative (constructive) feedback.

https://www.cnbc.com/2020/12/08/elon-musks-advice-to-ceos.ht...

Also, Eespecially for young founders and CEOs, they should study and obtain coaching on how to develop and improve their leadership skills.

Post reply on HN