Who Americans spend their time with, by age • Hacker News Board

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#411

Post by mstade » Sat, Dec 12, 2020, 4:24 PM UTC

burlesona wrote: post #36

The thing that seems crazy to me is how much time alone increases with age. There are many many reasons for it, but one thing I think is especially sad is how much this is a consequence of our built environment. If you live in a village with multiple generations of a family around, it’s much easier for grandparents to be involved day too day in helping with little things in the village, especially keeping an eye on t…

There was a show on one of the Swedish tv channels where they followed an experiment with mixing an elderly (75+) care home with a kindergarten. I think what they did was one or a couple of days a week the kids (all under 6-7 if I recall) would spend time in the care home with the elderly, doing different activities together (singing, dancing, painting, whatever you do in kindergarten basically) and then measuring the effects on cognitive and physical abilities of the elderly.

It was an interesting show, and they claim the health benefits to the elderly were significant. The interviews with the old people were very poignant, with one saying she was considering suicide before the experiment, because she felt so lonely. The kids also seemed to appreciate it a lot, being at that age where they just like having fun and learning new things.

Sadly the epilogue of the show sad Covid-19 stopped any further expansion of the experiment, but hopefully it will continue once it's safe again. It seems to me like a great idea, combining child care with elderly care.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#412

Post by mymythisisthis » Sat, Dec 12, 2020, 4:26 PM UTC

"If a man does not make new acquaintance as he advances through life, he will soon find himself left alone. A man, Sir, should keep his friendship in constant repair." Samuel Johnson

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#413

Post by smileysteve » Sat, Dec 12, 2020, 5:14 PM UTC

BurningFrog wrote: post #343

natchy wrote: post #280

Earlier quoted context omitted.

i'd say political tribes are taking over the role of the church or spiritual leaders. Work is taking over the role of the family.

The Blue Tribe is an alternative religion is many ways. The Red Tribe still has Christianity, so they don't need another one.

Disagree vehemently

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#414

Post by nulptr » Sat, Dec 12, 2020, 5:26 PM UTC

tripzilch wrote: post #386

irrational wrote: post #315

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is cooking crappy work? I’m a man, but I would love to spend a lot more time cooking. I do all the cooking on weekends and holidays/vacations because it is so much fun. I love it when I have my six week sabbaticals since I can cook everyday.

> I’m a man > I would love to spend a lot more time cooking > I do all the cooking on weekends and holidays/vacations because it is so much fun. I love it when I have my six week sabbaticals since I can cook everyday. This is exactly the kind of choice that we were talking about which does NOT exist in the "happy multi generational example" that we were talking about.

important to note that there's little choice for men or women in the "happy multi generational example"

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#415

Post by rufus_foreman » Sat, Dec 12, 2020, 5:29 PM UTC

tubularhells wrote: post #298

godshatter wrote: post #291

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't know how to get there, but we need to somehow reacquire the notion that it's okay to like and interact with someone that you disagree with, politically or otherwise.

It's also fine to cut crap people from your life, family or otherwise.

For me, people who you can't cut from your life even if they are crap people is the definition of family.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#416

Post by Viliam1234 » Sat, Dec 12, 2020, 5:40 PM UTC

celim307 wrote: post #174

Swizec wrote: post #146

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No it’s definitely meddling when you’re 30+ and your mom waltzes into your kitchen and says “Mmmmm are you sure that knife goes in that drawer? And when’s the last time you did the dishes anyway look at this mess”

Sounds like mom needs a hobby and her own friends

Sounds like she needs a different hobby.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#417

Post by irrational » Sat, Dec 12, 2020, 6:09 PM UTC

dash2 wrote: post #392

irrational wrote: post #317

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My in-laws live 3 hours away and my parents 14 hours away. We have seven kids so it would be useful to have them nearer on occasion, but my wife and I agree that 3 hours is the minimum we want to live away from other family members.

Do they agree, though? And will you want your kids that far away when you are old?

Does who agree? My in laws and parents? They are fine with the distance. I wouldn’t have a problem with my kids living as far or farther away. I have 8 siblings and we are scattered all over the entire country. I’d be fine if my children did the same.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#418

Post by RugnirViking » Sat, Dec 12, 2020, 6:19 PM UTC

LoveMortuus wrote: post #251

burlesona wrote: post #36

The thing that seems crazy to me is how much time alone increases with age. There are many many reasons for it, but one thing I think is especially sad is how much this is a consequence of our built environment. If you live in a village with multiple generations of a family around, it’s much easier for grandparents to be involved day too day in helping with little things in the village, especially keeping an eye on t…

Honest question: Would/Could a elderly people friendly and oriented MMORPG help elderly feel less alone? And if so, is such technology even possible? My guess for first step would be finding out what kind of devices do elderly have access to and more importantly, what kind of devices they use. Side-thought: Such a MMORPG could even have a subscription based financial model, as most elderly do get regular monthly inco…

Speaking as someone who feels very alone and plays mmorpgs: its an extremely poor replacement. Nothing more than an unhealthy coping mechanism, like drugs or alcohol.

Sure its possible to have a healthy relationship with such a thing if you have fulfillment in other areas of your life, but if you don't its not good for you.

I think perhaps it would be possible to design something that pushed people together a lot more, but if you were going to do that it would probably be better to work on actual real life social engineering, making meetup groups etc.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#419

Post by nitrogen » Sat, Dec 12, 2020, 7:23 PM UTC

giantDinosaur wrote: post #314

nitrogen wrote: post #277

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Mobility, flexibility of schedule, and portable privacy+storage are far too beneficial to just give up. If there's a problem with the current way those goals are achieved, then we need to solve that, not abandon all our technological progress.

Ill-health, loneliness, road deaths, pollution, ultra-expensive infrastructure: if 'technological progress' is the city designed around the car, I want none of it.

Technological progress is the ability to go where you want, when you want, even if it's 2AM, without having to worry about catching something or being stabbed on a train, and all of your things are with you when you get there. If you don't find a way to provide that benefit, you will never upend the car.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#420

Post by Viliam1234 » Sat, Dec 12, 2020, 7:37 PM UTC

tripzilch wrote: post #385

crgwbr wrote: post #303

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It’s only crappy work if you choose to view it that way. I am a man and I have a full time career that I enjoy a lot. But despite that I still find cooking for my family to be far more rewarding than almost any aspect of my job.

> I am a man > I have a full time career > despite that I still find cooking for my family that's nice for you. we were talking about people without that choice though. so you are a man. you have a full time career. period. this is the happy multi generational family living that was described.

> we were talking about people without that choice though.

Do men with full-time careers not qualify as people without a choice? ;)

(Of course, you meant the choice of cooking.)

I am another man with full-time work who cooks at home. Used to be 50% before corona, now it's maybe 80% because it is easier to do while working from home; as a bonus, I can now also eat with my family. I wouldn't mind sharing the cooking with someone, like one day I would cook for two families, the next day the other family would cook for me. (Cooking twice the amount is not twice as much work.) I am too shy to offer this deal to my neighbors, but if I had family members living close to me, I probably would have arranged something like this already.

I agree that multi-generational family living is unlikely to work well; with that much closeness, the temptation to interfere is just too high. I suppose the optimal distance would be on the same street, in a different building. So you can easily share child care or cooking, but having to put on your coat and shoes somewhat discourages unnecessary visits.

In theory, you could have a similar arrangement with your close friends. But that also requires them living close to you. My point is that this degree of cooperation, if it works well, can make your life significantly easier. Just imagine, if you have kids of similar age, you could have free babysitting 50% of time in return for having an extra kid or two in your house the rest of time. Again, twice many kids is not twice as much work; sometimes it's even less work, as the kids play with each other and leave you alone.