401–410 of 453 posts
My friend! Best thing ON EARTH for this is a very famous book on the subject "How to Make Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. I recommend the audio version. It's practical and effective. Don't waste time, read/listen to it and apply the principles it teaches. This is the Wikipedia entry about the book. Use it to get you started. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influenc... Remember: The…
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Like the OP, I find myself often wondering how people met, how they clicked, how they keep it going. With you describing your wife as very introverted, fearing interaction with new people (I could describe myself the same way) and describing yourself as an extrovert, how did you two meet, click, make it work? I find that with me being like your wife in that regard, I've had an extremely difficult time even meeting so…
Well, we've been together for 25 years now, married for 21. We met through a mutual friend (he was dating her at the time - we're both still friends with him, and see him somewhat regularly socially). It's just worked, over these long years of struggle, in part because we balance each other. Her social life revolves around a very short list of very close friends. The people she loves, she loves , and she's incredibly…
Why were you tired of your "ladykiller lifestyle"?
Korea has one of the highest suicide rates in the world--remember this so that you can realize that your approach to thinking about life might not be normal. As a Korean myself, I don't think Koreans are normal. In my opinion, the suicide rate is highest among the OECD countries because we are, in general: (1) excessively prideful (2) always overthinking everything (3) have a warped perspective on "the grand scheme of things" (4) other things that I won't mention here... you might know what they are--also related to the problem of having excessive pride.
You being afraid to interact with people is probably simply this: "I'm much more intelligent than I appear with my English... I sound like an idiot. But I am not an idiot."
Of course, I'm only guessing, but if that internal dialog rings true for you, let go of it. Look in the mirror and say, "I'm an idiot! We're all idiots! Every person on this planet is some amount of Idiot, and we're going to spend all of our lives doing our best and trying to improve the lives of people around us. Through that, we'll somehow find happiness. Because everything will work out."
Make social mistakes early and often. You will grumble over rejections for days, but you will forget each crazy social mishap within a year.
Also, you say that you end up wasting time on the weekends. What types of things do you do on your own? Hiking? Museums? Obtain a new hobby and strive to become above-amateur at it. Volunteer at the animal shelter. Work in hospice care. Attend an open-minded church full of university students.
Put your focus on putting other people at easy. Every day, make your goal to make someone smile.
Remember: We only get what we give. - Be generous. - Don't be afraid to call yourself an idiot and be able to laugh at yourself good-heartedly about it. (Know that you have immense value as a human being, but don't worry about everyone having to know your exact level of intelligence.) - Be really good at something not work-related. Share that thing with other people.
Also, maybe ask your manager for help and suggestions with this. Surely your 1-on-1 meetings aren't all about work? As an intern, you will be naturally be curious about the area and whatnot. Whenever I suffered at the social front in a new city, I asked my past managers for help and they ALWAYS delivered great ideas.
If the people aren't in your life yet, build the kind of life that you want to live and the right people will naturally gravitate towards you. As a shy, introverted, ESL person, this mentality is what helped bring me peace and a short list of true life-long friends.
Hope this helps. Just remember that awkward moments can sometime cause happy accidents. The best thing to do if something goes wrong is to laugh about it (because you are alive!), learn from it, and move on with a brighter and more open heart. Like a muscle, this practice will strengthen and you'll get more used to just putting yourself out there--broken English and all--come what may.
Nothing to worry bro. There are innumerous number of people goign througg the same condition. I am also working in FLORIDA (which is very bad in terms of public transport) and in the same ship in which you are in. let's be friends. m there at panbhatt at gmail
(Anonymous bc this is a very honest comment.) I'm a massive introvert who spends most of his time coding, playing video games or Magic the Gathering, and my life has devolved 3 times into full-blown WoW addiction -- the fool's gold life people take on when they feel their real one sucks. I have almost no friends, hate making plans and, generally, would rather be alone. "Hell is other people" is my motto. And of cours…
You got any suggestions for the "structured organization" besides the fraternity? I'm out of college now and I'm looking for a group.
Some people are good at breaking the ice and chatting in any situation whatsoever. These are charismatic people who don't need help making friends. For the rest of us, we need to stack the deck in our favor.
So when exactly is a good time to talk to people? In my opinion that's when they relaxing and having fun. So, how do you implant yourself into those situations? As other have said, joining a club or doing some activity is really the best way. If you are out there doing things then you simply will have many more opportunities to talk to people. Sharing an activity will not only give you that opportunity to meet people, but you'll have something in common to talk about as well.