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The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting

happiness.hks.harvard.edu

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Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting

#401

Post by kortilla »

mjevans wrote: post #396
kortilla wrote: post #279

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You don’t need that at all. I’ve seen people temporarily renting in a location act as better community members than someone who has owned a home for 10 years. Look at the communities that form in dorms

Dorms are a poor example. Everyone there expects it to be a temporary community other than larger structures like fraternal organizations that slowly nibble in new members and continuously digest them as things progress. It's not like you're in an apartment or house where you don't know if it'll be next year, 4-5 years, or 10 years when you move; only that someone's going to raise the rent, or you'll get a different…

Every community is temporary. The folly is thinking you need to find a “permanent” one to join.

Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting

#402

Post by PunchTornado »

oddthink wrote: post #56

I don't really get where people with kids found these 6.5 hrs / wk to spend on friendships, or even the quoted current averages of 4 hrs / wk. On a workday, there isn't much time. I roll out of bed at 6:30, get the kids up and fed breakfast and out the door. I finally get actually working at 8:30-9:30, depending on if I exercise or not. Stop work in the 5:30-6 range, switch into making dinner, getting kids to eat din…

you are in the "intensive parenting" box as stated in the article

Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting

#403

Post by __MatrixMan__ »

alganet wrote: post #325
__MatrixMan__ wrote: post #321

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't think the polarization merely contributes to these divisions, I'd say it's the whole point. It's easy to steer a democracy when 50% won't talk to the other 50%. Much more difficult if they occasionally agree on something.

What does the betta fish mirror has to do with anything regarding friendship?

I'm not sure I follow the metaphor. You can use a mirror to cause stress to one betta fish, but it seems like there would need to be more than just one fish and a mirror to capture this. I'm talking about the political machine working to ensure that 50% of voters are not friends with the other 50%.

Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting

#404

Post by fknorangesite »

ryandrake wrote: post #251
pesus wrote: post #229

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> They have no obligation to entertain you even if your kids are playing together. This is a really cynical and negative way to view basic human interaction, the cornerstone of our species and civilization. I've been seeing it a lot lately online, and it doesn't surprise me that people are lonely and aren't making friends if they adopt an attitude like that.

That's right. The whole "He is under no obligation to [do nice thing | be social | act friendly]" is a very Reddit attitude. Yes, it's technically correct: You don't have to be nice. But you are allowed to be nice, and that choice doesn't hurt or cost anything. If you go up to a fellow parent and say, "Hey, nice to see you again." and they just ignore you scrolling their phones, sure, they have a Constitutional right…

> "He is under no obligation to [do nice thing | be social | act friendly]" is a very Reddit attitude

It's also a very Hacker News attitude, as you are witnessing in this thread.

I don't understand why people HN talk down about Reddit so much when it's really no better here, either.

Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting

#405

Post by astura »

bombcar wrote: post #231
astura wrote: post #194

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>Part of the reason I don’t live in America is I see a lot of people on salaries 2-4x mine who seem to be unable to have time to see their friends. This is just a choice though. A choice Americans absolutely love making, but a choice none-the-less. On Reddit some dude was trying to argue that an individual needs $70,000 a year in fixed expenses just to live. Bare minimum. OTOH, I have what I consider an absurdly luxu…

Spend some time on bogleheads and you’ll see it all - from people saving $120k a year on $140k salary, to those spending $700k a year and not finding anything to save. The biggest thing I’ve learned is that if you have a monthly expense, it becomes “necessary fixed expense” damn quickly. Even if it’s $50 a month for telephone sanitizing.

telephone sanitizing?

Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting

#406

Post by enaaem »

MattGaiser wrote: post #2

> The government slowed down its investment in and construction of third spaces—such as community centers, parks, and coffee shops—which has left fewer places for organic social interactions. My anecdotal impression is that people don't really use those that are available very much and the drop in investment is because of that. I have organized a few events in community halls over the past few years and I have been s…

Third places have to be convenient for people to go there. It needs to be a walking distance away from your home. It's an extension of your living room. Rent also needs to be low so that beverages are cheap enough for people to drink daily. I have recently been to Vietnam and every neighbourhood is flooded coffee shops and tea carts.

Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting

#407

Post by [deleted] »

Der_Einzige wrote: post #330
PessimalDecimal wrote: post #302

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This same effect goes a long way to explaining the abandonment of public transit in the US, and strong preference for private travel in a car.

The idea that multiculturalism is incompatible with a harmonious society is empirically denied by the existence of basically utopias like Singapore. All citizens have to learn 4 languages and there is a huge amount of tourists which add to the already multicutral demographics of the country. Lowest crime in the world, best education in the world. Among the best public transit in the world, etc. What it really is is t…

[deleted]

Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting

#408

Post by quantadev »

I bet Social Media (and even Texting) is almost entirely to blame for the "loners" phenomenon (i.e. lack of close friends). Almost everyone has a desire for social interactions, but Social Media is where they can get that, with the least effort, and money.

Smaller contributing factors are 1) Slow economy, where people don't have the money for social activities or even dating like the boomer generation did for example, and 2) Rise of Autism rates, which makes people disinterested in social activities and even fearful of them.

Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting

#409

Post by alganet »

__MatrixMan__ wrote: post #403
alganet wrote: post #325

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What does the betta fish mirror has to do with anything regarding friendship?

I'm not sure I follow the metaphor. You can use a mirror to cause stress to one betta fish, but it seems like there would need to be more than just one fish and a mirror to capture this. I'm talking about the political machine working to ensure that 50% of voters are not friends with the other 50%.

I am asking what it has to do with friendship, implying that it has nothing to do with it. Unless... (now you complete my sentence either by denial, confirmation or deflection)
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