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‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

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Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#401

Post by PascLeRasc »

_bfhp wrote: post #369
GlenTheMachine wrote: post #145

This probably won't be popular, but what the hell. I feel like, if you strip away the outward trappings and dogma, this is what religion is good for. Not in a "believe in Jesus" or "trust in God" kind of way, but in a "how to orient your life" kind of way. Which is to say, the actually useful portion of religion generally teaches that your best life is probably not focused on you. It isn't about finding yourself, or…

How you've written things is exactly how Buddhist mindfulness authors Christina Feldman, Sharon Salzberg, Jon Kabat-Zinn, and Pema Chödrön have been writing and thinking about it. I recommend checking out Wherever You Go, There You Are. It's clear to me how all of the reaction and distraction we've started to discover that the current Internet lets us cling to will drive people to start seriously evaluating teachings…

I'm a data point of your last sentence. Meditation and reading Buddhist writings is part of how I survive SAD.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#402

Post by JimboOmega »

I think a lot of people are ignoring the gendered context of the narrative she's presenting: the cultural notion that, as a woman, your value is measured in terms of your attractiveness and fertility.

Those decline as you get older, and so does your value. When you are in your 20s you need to "make hay while the sun is shining", leveraging that to get where you want in life before the clock runs out.

It's not a healthy narrative, nor one I agree with. But you can see why she might feel the way she does; she has really squandered the opportunity provided by her youthful beauty.

I feel it myself (as a 36yo transwoman), compounded by a tech industry I work in that also has weird ideas about the value of youth.

She needs to not just "get out of a rut" - she needs to realize that her value to the world is not being attractive, fertile, or wealthy. She needs to get to a place where she feels like she's providing value to others that goes beyond that.

It's an uphill climb, as some of the posts here make very clear - there are a lot of people who view a woman's worth in a similar fashion.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#403

Post by philips »

GlenTheMachine wrote: post #145

This probably won't be popular, but what the hell. I feel like, if you strip away the outward trappings and dogma, this is what religion is good for. Not in a "believe in Jesus" or "trust in God" kind of way, but in a "how to orient your life" kind of way. Which is to say, the actually useful portion of religion generally teaches that your best life is probably not focused on you. It isn't about finding yourself, or…

I agree! Society is missing a non-theistic answer to this. The closest I have found is the Stoic concept of virtue.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#404

Post by jf- »

justhelpingout wrote: post #383
acabal wrote: post #358

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I very much agree and I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Interestingly enough, this line of thought is not new. People like Auguste Comte in the 1850s saw the industrial and technological revolution as an engine working to erode religion, and he wanted to work towards an alternative. For many people, religion generally provides two things: 1) An overt faith-based explanation of why we're here, how the world…

A system of ethics and moral rules that is evolved over time with no relation to how things are in themselves is simply so much legacy code, to be replaced by the stronger man at a time convenient to him. If, on the other hand, moral rules and ethics are due to the natures of things then there must be someone who intended things to exist in the manner they are intended to exist. That being must be a person because of…

> If, on the other hand, moral rules and ethics are due to the natures of things then there must be someone who intended things to exist in the manner they are intended to exist.

This is not at all clear to me. Can you clarify?

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#406

Post by sheepmullet »

Zelphyr wrote: post #290
wallace_f wrote: post #246

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had an experience with a woman who was banging on my door at night and threatening me. She had said she "already claimed me." I dont care about this woman and I dont have any ill will towards her but the whole thing was extroardinarily insane. Apparently she was working as a prostitute (someone else told me this and then showed me her ads on a website called backpage). After she threatened to physically hurt me, I…

This is becoming a common thread these days; assuming the male is the aggressor. I've heard stories of girlfriends beating their boyfriend so bad as to have him visibly bleeding, yet when the he calls 911, he is the one that gets arrested with the police saying something along the lines of, "Yeah, there's no way a little girl like that beat you up." I would venture to guess that the majority of domestic violence is m…

> I would venture to guess that the majority of domestic violence is male against female

Why?

The data suggests it’s close to 50-50.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#407

Post by betamichael »

rolleiflex wrote: post #325
GlenTheMachine wrote: post #145

This probably won't be popular, but what the hell. I feel like, if you strip away the outward trappings and dogma, this is what religion is good for. Not in a "believe in Jesus" or "trust in God" kind of way, but in a "how to orient your life" kind of way. Which is to say, the actually useful portion of religion generally teaches that your best life is probably not focused on you. It isn't about finding yourself, or…

I think we in the west ended up replacing religion with, not an absence of it, but with a religion of the Self — where you are the god, or the only one that matters anyway. That obviously doesn’t mean a sincere belief in one’s own omniscience, more that the the aura of ‘importance’ bestowed upon things naturally emanate from the centre of the Universe, which is you. Mind that humans are already pretty much hardwired…

"Wherever you go, there you are." I've that saying a couple of times.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#408

Post by technics256 »

deogeo wrote: post #304
yholio wrote: post #73

> And with men I date, I feel pressure to make something of the relationship too soon (move in, get married, “I have to have kids in a couple of years”; fun times!). All the while still trying to be the sexpot 25-year-old I thought I was until what seemed like a moment ago. It sounds like going from one end of the spectrum (aventuros, yolo) to the other (a family, fast), all while punching above their weight, so to s…

> but most of this limited pool knows they are desirable and do not really want to get bogged down with a family. My friends who enjoyed dating for fun, found they had trouble with it, because most guys were looking to commit - they weren't too interested in merely flings. But this is anecdata, from Europe, so it may have limited applicability.

Curious what country this is? I find it quite the same in Germany.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#409

Post by Zelphyr »

sheepmullet wrote: post #406
Zelphyr wrote: post #290

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is becoming a common thread these days; assuming the male is the aggressor. I've heard stories of girlfriends beating their boyfriend so bad as to have him visibly bleeding, yet when the he calls 911, he is the one that gets arrested with the police saying something along the lines of, "Yeah, there's no way a little girl like that beat you up." I would venture to guess that the majority of domestic violence is m…

> I would venture to guess that the majority of domestic violence is male against female Why? The data suggests it’s close to 50-50.

Really? Wow. I didn't realize that. Are there good sources for this kind of information you can refer me to?

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#410

Post by balls187 »

Zelphyr wrote: post #290
wallace_f wrote: post #246

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had an experience with a woman who was banging on my door at night and threatening me. She had said she "already claimed me." I dont care about this woman and I dont have any ill will towards her but the whole thing was extroardinarily insane. Apparently she was working as a prostitute (someone else told me this and then showed me her ads on a website called backpage). After she threatened to physically hurt me, I…

This is becoming a common thread these days; assuming the male is the aggressor. I've heard stories of girlfriends beating their boyfriend so bad as to have him visibly bleeding, yet when the he calls 911, he is the one that gets arrested with the police saying something along the lines of, "Yeah, there's no way a little girl like that beat you up." I would venture to guess that the majority of domestic violence is m…

Only 15% of men who are abused ever report it.

There is also more to DV than just physical violence.

https://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-defined/

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