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I'm a creep. I'm sorry

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Re: I'm a creep. I'm sorry

#401

Post by thehardsphere »

mrmondo wrote: post #179
spamizbad wrote: post #156

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think asking coworkers out is a huge no-no. If the only people in your orbit you feel you can connect with that way are at work, that's a sign your personal life needs some development. However, let's say you have a robust personal life, and you just have this absolutely amazing co-worker, who totally is not your subordinate, and ideally you don't even work directly with, and you want to ask them out... again.. I d…

'Asking out co-workers is a huge no-no' - to me this feels almost anti-humanist to the point where business is truly more important than our own lives, our being, our existence and our own free will. There is a massive difference between asking out co-workers and sexual harassment.

Maybe you need to step back a bit and think about this a little more clearly. The issue here isn't the supremacy of business over the individual; it's whether or not it's a good idea for an individual to behave this way because doing so may harm their lives, being, existance, free will, or all of the above of the other person.

I mean, it's OK to be naked, but it's a bad idea to be naked in a public park. We don't assume that means that the municipal government has total supremacy over your being and free will and is anti-humanist.

Re: I'm a creep. I'm sorry

#402

Post by thehardsphere »

HappyTypist wrote: post #177
spamizbad wrote: post #156

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think asking coworkers out is a huge no-no. If the only people in your orbit you feel you can connect with that way are at work, that's a sign your personal life needs some development. However, let's say you have a robust personal life, and you just have this absolutely amazing co-worker, who totally is not your subordinate, and ideally you don't even work directly with, and you want to ask them out... again.. I d…

That really depends. At my current startup there are three " couples".

Let's see how long that lasts after the company is done being a startup.

Re: I'm a creep. I'm sorry

#404

Post by partisan »

ithinkinstereo wrote: post #228
theWatcher37 wrote: post #176

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This post is a perfect example of what I've mentioned elsewhere. If you ever find yourself in this person's shoes (innocent or guilty) you have nothing to gain by this sort of public display of remorse/sepukku as others have called it. This type of angry, vitriolic, hate-filled-person will condemn you no matter if your apologies are sincere or not. The only logical move is to deny, people like the poster above will n…

Apologies like McClure are insincere because his behavior has likely been going on for years; targeting many many women (at least 6 according to his accuser); and because McClure knew then, as he does now, that he was in the wrong. Why do you think he is apologizing? Do you really think he is sorry or just sorry he got caught? I'm sure he is sincere, sincere that he feels bad that he got caught and is now suffering t…

How do you get away with asserting that he has likely done this "many many" times?

I do agree that an apology under these circumstances is not ideal, but what should he do, exactly? Dig a hole and jump in? Not respond at all? Just say it is true and leave it at that? Any response is going to be subject to dissatisfaction from some part of the mob that we are all part of.

I think the key is to realize that at some point in your life, you were the devil, whether your transgressions were subject to public scrutiny or not. Have some sympathy for the devil and do not be the one who casts a stone.

Re: I'm a creep. I'm sorry

#407

Post by sangnoir »

kd5bjo wrote: post #375
sangnoir wrote: post #360

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> How I acted didn't represent my views, it isn't who I want to be, and it's not how I'd want to interact with anyone. I'm sorry, but this does not make sense to me. Of course what you said and how you acted represented your views at the time. It wasn't who you wanted to be , but it was who you were . You absolutely used the term fag as an insult and you meant it. I'm posting this not to judge you or be self-righteou…

In an emotionally-charged situation, it's easy to forget that curse words have an actual meaning other than being an insult. In the situation where your views on what's acceptable have changed, like Latty described, you can slip into old verbal habits pretty easily without realizing it.

> In the situation where your views on what's acceptable have changed, like Latty described, you can slip into old verbal habits pretty easily without realizing it.

I fully agree, however, I think that's just your views slipping out. You might not want to be that way, but you are that way, possibly because of how you were raised or some other factor you didn't have control over. Saying "that is not a true reflection of who I really am" seems ingenious to me.

Re: I'm a creep. I'm sorry

#408

Post by subjectsigma »

lancewiggs wrote: post #392
xupybd wrote: post #381

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Inviting a coworker to church is a problem? Can someone elaborate please?

It's rude to assume someone else wants to go to your church, is into your sect of your religion, is into your religion or is religious at all. It's dangerous when you combine that with power structures from a work or other environment.

>it's rude to assume that someone else wants to go to your church

You're not assuming anything, you're asking them if they want to come. They can always just say no. Not everything has to be the end of the world. Of course you could make up tons of situations where this could be inappropriate (I heard you had a drinking problem, would you like to try church instead?) but I think in general it's a safe question.

Re: I'm a creep. I'm sorry

#409

Post by draw_down »

camgunz wrote: post #301

I think it's clear from these comments that all companies, everywhere, are doing a terrible job with their sexual harassment training. When otherwise highly intelligent and educated people haven't even heard of power imbalance or hostile work environments, or "intent is irrelevant", this is a huge problem. If you're running a company, please make it a priority to start real, meaningful sexual harassment training righ…

I couldn't believe the guy here who was like, sure I heard the constant accusations, but I never believed they were actually true!

I mean, what will it take to make people believe that this problem is real?!

Re: I'm a creep. I'm sorry

#410

Post by draw_down »

mrmcd wrote: post #249

I wish there was a way to give imaginary internet upvote points to all the people who didn't act like harassing shitheads, but I guess we're stuck with giving them to this asshole, who whines about "this isn't who I am!" and "I invested in so many of my LGBTQ friends!" months or years afterwords when finally called out on it.

Yes, there is something infuriating about this cycle of become rich acting like a jackass -> get called out -> write some apology blog post -> get showered with praise for doing the bare minimum as a human. Of course doubling down and not apologizing is worse, but I guess at some point you have to ask materially, what really is the difference.

Women entrepreneurs who had trouble getting funded because VCs could only think about their dicks, what do they gain from this?

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