Being a new dad while working at a startup • Hacker News Board

Re: Being a new dad while working at a startup

#41

Post by nkozyra » Fri, Jul 25, 2014, 6:31 PM UTC

I'll say this, also, as someone who runs the tech side of a startup and now has an 8-month old:

Those first few months are brutal. Not only was I in a terrible mood, but work stacked up like nuts. Productivity nosedived and I started earnestly looking into pharmaceuticals that could reduce my need for sleep (more "obtaining modafanil" searches in my history than I'd care to admit). And as much as I hate to admit it, there was a period wherein I felt like the two are completely incompatible (being a parent and working at a startup).

The last month or so has been a massive reprieve - granted, I'm at a spot now I'd not have envied a year ago, but compared to operating on 4 hours of sleep a day for months, I'll take it.

The obvious truth here is it's still about balancing your time. If you want to be a parent and be able to work feverishly, that means abandoning something else.

Re: Being a new dad while working at a startup

#42

Post by rayiner » Fri, Jul 25, 2014, 6:34 PM UTC

nkozyra wrote: post #34

rayiner wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's the expectation in a lot of industries (finance, consulting, law--heck my dad works in public health and he's worked 60-70+ hours most of his career). I worked at a big law firm in New York, and most of the partners had kids. Indeed, my daughter was born a month after I started at the firm. I immediately got put on an internal investigation, where the client was under threat of getting their stock delisted unl…

I agree, it is a lot of industries. It's not all of them, though, which seemed to be the point to which I responded. There is always a tradeoff between reliability and availability when it comes to the 20 year old dev and the 35 year old dev.

It's not all of them, but it's a lot of them. In a way, having a professional job gives you a lot of flexibility. You show up 5 minutes late to your retail a few times, and you're fired.

Re: Being a new dad while working at a startup

#43

Post by DanBC » Fri, Jul 25, 2014, 6:34 PM UTC

guard-of-terra wrote: post #20

rayiner wrote: post #7

> We’re reading a bunch of stuff and like people say, “my baby is sleeping 10 hours a day, every night.” Nope, that’s really not the case for us. I’m expecting that Sara will sleep way better in the next three or four weeks. Like hoping to, at least. Hah! My daughter woke up every three hours for a bottle, like clockwork, until 7-8 months. She's 20 months now, and still won't sleep in her crib through the whole night…

"My daughter woke up every three hours for a bottle" I wonder if it's possible to automate night feeding of small children without waking anybody up. Sounds like a good idea for a startup.

Children die from feeding accidents. Automation would need to be excellent quality to avoid dead children.

If you have the money to afford automatic feeding you probably have the money to afford an Au Pair or similar to help in the short term.

Re: Being a new dad while working at a startup

#44

Post by rayiner » Fri, Jul 25, 2014, 6:35 PM UTC

nkozyra wrote: post #41

I'll say this, also, as someone who runs the tech side of a startup and now has an 8-month old: Those first few months are brutal . Not only was I in a terrible mood, but work stacked up like nuts. Productivity nosedived and I started earnestly looking into pharmaceuticals that could reduce my need for sleep (more "obtaining modafanil" searches in my history than I'd care to admit). And as much as I hate to admit it,…

> The obvious truth here is it's still about balancing your time. If you want to be a parent and be able to work feverishly, that means abandoning something else.

I'll agree with this. Parenting, work, hobbies: pick 2.

Re: Being a new dad while working at a startup

#45

Post by guard-of-terra » Fri, Jul 25, 2014, 6:35 PM UTC

jcromartie wrote: post #31

guard-of-terra wrote: post #17

I hate this children-centrific notion that modern world puts on us. Makes me be wary of having kids. When I was a kid of 10, my parents had to work a lot to provide for a family so naturally I came from school, ate some food and proceed tinkering with my PC, studyind and reading books. I would certainly not be happier having helicopter mom or dad around. I didn't have that much appetite for communication these days.…

I'm absolutely fine with giving my kids space. That doesn't mean I don't want to be around to see them, though.

Well, my parents saw enough of me, I don't feel that I missed anything. There are evenings, there are vacations, all the things. It's just I didn't had a solid schedule of them helicoptering me daily.

Re: Being a new dad while working at a startup

#46

Post by [deleted] » Fri, Jul 25, 2014, 6:37 PM UTC

guard-of-terra wrote: post #20

rayiner wrote: post #7

> We’re reading a bunch of stuff and like people say, “my baby is sleeping 10 hours a day, every night.” Nope, that’s really not the case for us. I’m expecting that Sara will sleep way better in the next three or four weeks. Like hoping to, at least. Hah! My daughter woke up every three hours for a bottle, like clockwork, until 7-8 months. She's 20 months now, and still won't sleep in her crib through the whole night…

"My daughter woke up every three hours for a bottle" I wonder if it's possible to automate night feeding of small children without waking anybody up. Sounds like a good idea for a startup.

[deleted]

Re: Being a new dad while working at a startup

#47

Post by guard-of-terra » Fri, Jul 25, 2014, 6:38 PM UTC

DanBC wrote: post #43

guard-of-terra wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"My daughter woke up every three hours for a bottle" I wonder if it's possible to automate night feeding of small children without waking anybody up. Sounds like a good idea for a startup.

Children die from feeding accidents. Automation would need to be excellent quality to avoid dead children. If you have the money to afford automatic feeding you probably have the money to afford an Au Pair or similar to help in the short term.

"feeding accidents" In around threads people are suggesting for mother to sleep with their child. This can easily lead to constriction of said child. Happened all the time as late as XIX century.

On the other side, I don't see how you can die from a soft rubber nipple.

"Au Pair" I would actually pay quite some money to avoid interacting with unrelated human beings.

Re: Being a new dad while working at a startup

#48

Post by jaredhansen » Fri, Jul 25, 2014, 6:38 PM UTC

guard-of-terra wrote: post #20

rayiner wrote: post #7

> We’re reading a bunch of stuff and like people say, “my baby is sleeping 10 hours a day, every night.” Nope, that’s really not the case for us. I’m expecting that Sara will sleep way better in the next three or four weeks. Like hoping to, at least. Hah! My daughter woke up every three hours for a bottle, like clockwork, until 7-8 months. She's 20 months now, and still won't sleep in her crib through the whole night…

"My daughter woke up every three hours for a bottle" I wonder if it's possible to automate night feeding of small children without waking anybody up. Sounds like a good idea for a startup.

Probably a bad idea - there's a lot more going on in those feedings than just the food:

To investigate the debate, Dr. Harlow created inanimate surrogate mothers for the rhesus infants from wire and wood.[5] Each infant became attached to its particular mother, recognizing its unique face and preferring it above all others. Harlow next chose to investigate if the infants had a preference for bare wire mothers or cloth covered mothers. For this experiment he presented the infants with a cloth mother and a wire mother under two conditions. In one situation, the wire mother held a bottle with food and the cloth mother held no food, and in the other, the cloth mother held the bottle and the wire mother had nothing.[5]

Overwhelmingly, the infant macaques preferred spending their time clinging to the cloth mother.[5] Even when only the wire mother could provide nourishment, the monkeys visited her only to feed. Harlow concluded that there was much more to the mother/infant relationship than milk and that this “contact comfort” was essential to the psychological development and health of infant monkeys and children. It was this research that gave strong, empirical support to Bowlby’s assertions on the importance of love and mother/child interaction.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harry_Harlow

Re: Being a new dad while working at a startup

#49

Post by nkozyra » Fri, Jul 25, 2014, 6:38 PM UTC

nkozyra wrote: post #41

I'll say this, also, as someone who runs the tech side of a startup and now has an 8-month old: Those first few months are brutal . Not only was I in a terrible mood, but work stacked up like nuts. Productivity nosedived and I started earnestly looking into pharmaceuticals that could reduce my need for sleep (more "obtaining modafanil" searches in my history than I'd care to admit). And as much as I hate to admit it,…

Another factor critical to success and sanity is having a partner that understands the demand and zeal that goes with having a startup.

Which - I swear - is what I'll tell my wife the next time I say "I've gotta finish this" and she starts humming Cats in the Cradle softly.

Re: Being a new dad while working at a startup

#50

Post by jipiboily » Fri, Jul 25, 2014, 6:41 PM UTC

usefulcat wrote: post #40

jipiboily wrote: post #2

Hey, I'm the dad from that blog post, feel free to ask questions :)

I don't have a question, but I wanted to say that you're very right to guard your time with your family. For at least the first year of my son's life, I can't count how many times I'd come home from work and I could see a difference in him compared to the day before. Maybe not even something I could quite put my finger on, but I could just tell there was something different about him. They change and learn so quickly…

This is so true. I didn't think it could be some fast. Some days she changes so much, it's impressive...new skills every now and then.