Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Being alone

jessepollak.me

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

41–50 of 167 posts

Re: Being alone

#41

Post by jrs99 »

jskopek wrote: post #11
tazjin wrote: post #6

Stopped reading after > Preface: As a white, heterosexual, cis, male, I’m granted, from birth, an extraordinary amount of privilege I wasn't actually aware people outside of the Tumblrverse said things like that. (Over on Reddit there is /r/TumblrInAction for things like this)

Do you disagree with the author? Depending on where you live, his point is very valid. As a resident of Canada, I feel that I live in a fairly progressive, culturally diverse society. Yet even here, I have heard friends of different ethnicities complain about racial issues. Not all racial or gender divisions are obvious; exclusion or denial of privilege is harder to spot.

Do you know what it feels like to be a 5'1" white male or a 7'2" obese white male or a 6'5" white female? Race problems do exist, but because you're white doesn't mean you don't have problems with society.

Re: Being alone

#42

Post by Stealth- »

shinratdr wrote: post #31
Stealth- wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As another resident of Canada, I have to completely disagree with you. I have to pay $20,000 for my schooling. My first nations friends pay nothing, it's covered by tax payers. This includes numerous other benefits that I do not get. In Canada, unfortunately it can often seem like the minority have more privileges. That's not equality, to me.

And all they had to do to get that was to be ripped from their homes and placed into residential schools, which existed into the 60s. What a sweet deal! This smacks of tremendous ignorance of the history of First Nations people and what white Canadians have done to them. It's possibly the most concrete demonstration of white privilege I've ever seen. "Well gee, I'm just a simple guy, but I don't think trying to balan…

Growing up in a poorer neighbourhood, the native friends I had were able to play football, have school lunches, go on fieldtrips, and go to university when I could not because they were paid for with tax payers' dollars.

My grandparents were not even in this country at the time, it was not my ancestors nor me that hurt anyone. So I should have less because of what someone with the same skin colour as me did decades ago? Doesn't that seem a little, I don't know, discriminatory?

Re: Being alone

#43

Post by sp332 »

shinratdr wrote: post #33
sp332 wrote: post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There's a big difference in perspective between saying "the majority is privileged" and saying "the minority is disadvantaged". When the majority is heterosexual, white, and "cis-gendered", isn't that the baseline instead of privileged?

That depends entirely on the direction you're observing from.

Let's say things are set up to pander to the majority, even when it puts a minority at a disadvantage. What is the argument for making things harder for the majority, to equalize things for the minority? On average, society would come out worse, so you'd have to argue that equality itself is more valuable than any advantage for the majority.

Re: Being alone

#44

Post by twelvechairs »

sp332 wrote: post #21
jskopek wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you disagree with the author? Depending on where you live, his point is very valid. As a resident of Canada, I feel that I live in a fairly progressive, culturally diverse society. Yet even here, I have heard friends of different ethnicities complain about racial issues. Not all racial or gender divisions are obvious; exclusion or denial of privilege is harder to spot.

There's a big difference in perspective between saying "the majority is privileged" and saying "the minority is disadvantaged". When the majority is heterosexual, white, and "cis-gendered", isn't that the baseline instead of privileged?

the majority isnt all those things and male.

Re: Being alone

#45

Post by wbobeirne »

Adamantite wrote: post #38

If you're a participant of social media, namely Twitter or Facebook, reciprocating with people on the Internet, you run a popular blog, and you're the guy on this page by the same name: https://getclef.com/company You're not alone. You're privileged. You probably don't even know what real loneliness is. You're just a hipster who thinks they're alone, so you can write a blog post about it and get views. I doubt there…

> You're not alone. You're privileged. You probably don't even know what real loneliness is.

Did you even read the article? He addresses your first point in the beginning, and your second point at the end of the article. No bullshitting here.

Re: Being alone

#46

Post by birken »

I feel this is something that happens when people work at startups, especially early stage ones. There is such pressure to work with your small team and put all your time and effort into this startup (like all of the people who brag about working 80 or 100 weeks --- or the OP mentioning taking a nap at the office on friday night), that you are really sacrificing opportunity to build or maintain friendships with a wider group of people. There is nothing wrong with having 3 friends and doing a lot of stuff alone, however it also doesn't have to be that way if you don't want it to be.

Do you have any old college buddies who live in SF? Email them and ask to meet up for a beer. If you are interested in dating, go on okcupid. If you like playing sports, join an intramural sports team. If you like bar trivia, just go to your local trivia night and find a team of random people to join. All of these things take time and effort, but they will result in a larger, more diverse, group of friends.

The truth is this is probably negative value for ones startup. Giving 100% of your effort to a startup will probably make it more successful than giving it 80%. But you only get one life, and perhaps more friends and a less successful startup might make somebody happier.

Re: Being alone

#47

Post by VLM »

marcosdumay wrote: post #17
rb2k_ wrote: post #2

I'll be moving from Germany to Boston in a month, one of the things that I'm looking forward to is the chance to enjoy this process of "being alone" and "Pushing back on discomfort". As much as I enjoy the company of my friends, having complete freedom and no accountability to anybody also has its advantages :) That being said, cities like SF/Boston/New York/... make it easy to keep "alone" from turning into "lonely"…

> I couldn't imagine doing the same in the far out suburbs. Well, I don't know the US suburbs, but as a rule, the smaller the place, the easier it is to know people.

Its just mindless burb-bashing, doesn't mean a thing. I can assure you that a school campus in a big city isn't all that different than a school campus in a small city. Ditto museums, bars, concerts, whatever. They'll be some cultural offset what with the people being richer and the surroundings being somewhat more civilized, but its usually not a big deal.

The huge hang up is getting confused about geography. In a big city, nearly every street corner has a bar, restaurant, "something". So you get a hangup that what makes a city friendly somehow has something to do with street intersections or panhandlers or something, not the bar/museum/whatever found at those intersections. Then you visit a suburb and decide to socialize so you've learned that means finding a street intersection, so you stand at a random corner in your subdivision and ... nothing happens. That's because you need to go to a bar or park or cultural activity, not the mere street intersection.

Its confusing correlation with causation. I had fun; there's a homeless dude living in the alley; therefore you can't have fun without a homeless dude in the alley. Um no not really.

Re: Being alone

#48

Post by steveklabnik »

tazjin wrote: post #6

Stopped reading after > Preface: As a white, heterosexual, cis, male, I’m granted, from birth, an extraordinary amount of privilege I wasn't actually aware people outside of the Tumblrverse said things like that. (Over on Reddit there is /r/TumblrInAction for things like this)

It's actually directly relevant; they're acknowledging that when they say "if you're lonely, just get out there and say hello!" is an acceptable option partially because it really is true that at the worst, they'll feel uncomfortable. Someone who does not come from this place in life has a myriad of other things that can add to the downsides in this equation, and when you stack the two up against each other, they start looking differently really quickly.

Of course, since you skipped the "please remember the position I come from and critically engage with how that effects the thoughts I have," I shouldn't have expected you to.

Re: Being alone

#49

Post by canistr »

Stealth- wrote: post #25
jskopek wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you disagree with the author? Depending on where you live, his point is very valid. As a resident of Canada, I feel that I live in a fairly progressive, culturally diverse society. Yet even here, I have heard friends of different ethnicities complain about racial issues. Not all racial or gender divisions are obvious; exclusion or denial of privilege is harder to spot.

As another resident of Canada, I have to completely disagree with you. I have to pay $20,000 for my schooling. My first nations friends pay nothing, it's covered by tax payers. This includes numerous other benefits that I do not get. In Canada, unfortunately it can often seem like the minority have more privileges. That's not equality, to me.

Look, I'm a Canadian myself. I paid the $20,000/year tuition for my schooling too (thank you Waterloo Co-op!). But frankly, it's very easy for the both of us to claim we are deserving of certain privileges or that we worked hard to get where we are based on our own family socio-economic situations.

But the reality is that to get to this point, many immigrant families and first nations families face enormous difficulty to meet their basic needs. To get to this country is one thing, to get here without anything is another. To have everything taken away and having to build it up without a strong support network is difficult. Equality isn't just about the money, it's about the community around you that helps create an environment that allows you to grow and succeed. By just pointing at the price tag, you're oversimplifying so many social factors and issues that play into how you get into university, get out, and start your career path in which, for families coming from difficult situations can simply be solved by some money.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, I am a visible minority myself. I didn't suffer and neither did my parents because the heavy burden was taken care-of by my great-grandparents and grandparents notwithstanding blatant racism by society and even government laws. I'm several generations removed from understanding the economic difficulties, but I'm still very much rooted in the cultural and social ones.

Re: Being alone

#50

Post by GrinningFool »

lemonberry wrote: post #22
rb2k_ wrote: post #2

I'll be moving from Germany to Boston in a month, one of the things that I'm looking forward to is the chance to enjoy this process of "being alone" and "Pushing back on discomfort". As much as I enjoy the company of my friends, having complete freedom and no accountability to anybody also has its advantages :) That being said, cities like SF/Boston/New York/... make it easy to keep "alone" from turning into "lonely"…

Do yourself a favor and visit Portsmouth, NH after you are acclimated to Boston or just need a reprieve from big city life. It's a smallish city with a great bar and restaurant scene. If you are into history there are also some wonderful opportunities to explore as well. Be warned, however, New Englander's can come off cold compared to people from other parts of the country. We make great friends but it takes awhile…

When I was living in NE, I was still 'the new kid from up the road' for five years ;)

I'd love to get back though, NE is my favorite among many places lived on the East coast.

Post reply on HN