Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

So many college graduates escape to Silicon Valley precisely to avoid these standard expectations for romance.

The article is wrong about what holds back relationships for 20s engineers. It isn't careerism as she claims. It's that the engineer is a militant libertarian, an autistic savant or a polymath of software development.

No normal woman wants to date a passionately unempathetic man. If you can't sympathize with poor people, or things that don't interest you (like humanities majors), how are you supposed to convince a normal woman you care about her feelings and her passions in spite of your voracious narcissism and ego?

OkCupid and polyamory are our sexual revolution, not "affairs." IVFs and surrogates are our reproductive revolutions. Technology exists to make the frightening Unempathetic Man capable of reproducing himself (and feeling sexually satisfied).

I feel extraordinarily lucky that I got to date a normal white girl my age at my school from 20-22 in college. I'm glad we still love each other as adults. I look down Mass Ave and wonder in terror how different my life would be if the women I met thought having two simultaneous boyfriends was okay.

I can only speak from my own experience but I found myself largely nodding my head (I've recently joined the early thirties crowd).

I worked in SV right out of college - Facebook was basically a blip on the radar and the coolest mobile phones still had physical buttons. I worked my ass off the first few years mostly because I had landed a great paying job (meaning I no longer was making 12/hr) and had no idea what kind of performance was not good enough. It was really fun and exciting for a while. I was fortunate to meet and marry someone that was right for me during my "later years" in SV. Being a proud geek I have been in a few relationships before but was not and am still not a relationship guru. The only thing I do know is that a (real, long-term) relationship will most likely push both of you to the max on everything... fun, happiness, stress, frustration, disappointment, etc, etc. While it has always had its ups and downs I feel very fortunate - the tech stuff is fun, I still enjoy it but the relationship, family, kids etc makes life really dynamic (sometimes in ways you may not like but its part of the deal).

I know I may sound like an old man but I think Id tell any aspiring techie coming out of school to try to make it a priority to figure out if they want to be married (and if so obviously to whom) and if they want to have kids. (As a note there is nothing wrong with not wanting these things) From my own experience I've felt that in your 20s (within the tech world) there are mostly only socioeconomic influences that deter you from going that route whether its the cost of living in the city or a professional dream that seemingly needs your full-time dedication. While it is not a ticking time bomb there definitely are certainly some fuzzy limits on the time you have to do these things that seem to come faster than you might think. (I dont want to get into a discussion about menopause or marriage later in life but I think its healthy to recognize the marriage/kids stuff does slowly get progressively harder later in life for most people).

Anyhow for me around 30 life started to look a little bit different to me. I like my work but its just a piece of my life. I used to spend 90% of my time working in tech or going home and playing with tech. I still do so to some degree but I have to admit that Im glad its no longer my only primary thing Im involved with.

I'm guessing you're male, and that's why. Also, good luck and keep going.

> I'm sick of being given life advice by weathly, privileged Americans who think they're wise because they've made it to their thirties without massively fucking anything up.

Eek.