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How to ask for help from people who don't know you

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Re: How to ask for help from people who don't know you

#41

Post by titanomachy »

willturman wrote: post #24
crispyambulance wrote: post #19

There is plenty advice around for "how to ask" (really, it's the same if you know the person or not). It all boils down to a Calvinistic "show you're worthy" kind of exercise. But what about advice for giving help to someone? There's plenty of ways that giving someone help can go horribly wrong, and I think that it's not uncommon for people to be blindsided by such a request.

A pretty incredible answer to your question comes from a perhaps wholly unexpected source: Hunter S. Thompson, in a letter responding to a friend's request for life advice: https://fs.blog/hunter-s-thompson-to-hume-logan/

What great writing. I should go read more of his stuff.

I’m definitely borrowing the phrase “galloping neurosis” the next chance I get.

Re: How to ask for help from people who don't know you

#42

Post by laxpri »

willturman wrote: post #24
crispyambulance wrote: post #19

There is plenty advice around for "how to ask" (really, it's the same if you know the person or not). It all boils down to a Calvinistic "show you're worthy" kind of exercise. But what about advice for giving help to someone? There's plenty of ways that giving someone help can go horribly wrong, and I think that it's not uncommon for people to be blindsided by such a request.

A pretty incredible answer to your question comes from a perhaps wholly unexpected source: Hunter S. Thompson, in a letter responding to a friend's request for life advice: https://fs.blog/hunter-s-thompson-to-hume-logan/

bro wtf. thanks. this letter is so real.I was thinking about how many times he had to reread to make it perfect .

Re: How to ask for help from people who don't know you

#43

Post by lstodd »

Hnrobert42 wrote: post #25
lstodd wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Maybe that's linkedin people. There are others like me: there is no such thing as 20 minutes. If I take on something, it's at least 10 hours effective. So we would just flat out refuse any such offer while on the other hand you can get those hours free if the question is sufficiently interesting.

In that case, I appreciate your comment here! Not sure it was worth 10 hours, but it was good of you to share.

:) Comments are billed separately at 0.

First question that I will have would be - why do you need the what are you asking for. Because you are relying on my expertise and I do expect myself to deliver the best possible answer. And then we go into 10h+ land.

Re: How to ask for help from people who don't know you

#44

Post by jak6jak »

From what I have seen online like for Reddit discord and online forums is that the questions with the most responses tend to be almost the exact opposite of what this post says. What you got to do is bait the audience into responding. It usually follows the following formula: Title: “woe is me this problem with well documented answers is troubling me!”

Body: a vague description of what the problem is and what they’ve tried. Leaving out key details that would drastically change the answer.

Response to answers: now that you have them hooked most answers will be actual questions about what your original post lacked to clarify. Be sure to respond to these as the more engagement on your post makes the algorithm show it to more people. And the second round of answers has a higher chance of answering your question.

Wait until a critical mass of people have seen and attempted answering your question to exhaustion. Hopefully you will be able to piece together a solution.

Re: How to ask for help from people who don't know you

#45

Post by hershey890 »

FinnLobsien wrote: post #8

The problem here is that most points are about how to formulate your ask. I think the biggest thing is that you're much more likely to get help if you show you're doing the best to solve it yourself. There's a big difference between: "Hey, I saw this job at [company you work at], could you refer me please? I'm [lists skills and experience]" and "Hey I'm thinking of applying to [company you work at] for the product de…

I refer a lot of people and I would be more likely to respond to the first one. Provided they supply a job link, their resume, and they were well qualified and polite.

In the second one it’s really obvious to me that they just want a referral. It would annoy me that they are making me read extraneous information.

Re: How to ask for help from people who don't know you

#48

Post by hyperultra »

FinnLobsien wrote: post #8

The problem here is that most points are about how to formulate your ask. I think the biggest thing is that you're much more likely to get help if you show you're doing the best to solve it yourself. There's a big difference between: "Hey, I saw this job at [company you work at], could you refer me please? I'm [lists skills and experience]" and "Hey I'm thinking of applying to [company you work at] for the product de…

I think that if you make your request too specific, like in the second example, you might seem less approachable, and you'll cutting yourself off from a lot of potential serendipity. The first question could result in "No, but I know someone else you could talk to." The second question requires the person you're messaging to be willing and able to go down a very specific path.

Re: How to ask for help from people who don't know you

#50

Post by bobbytheblkbear »

jackconsidine wrote: post #14

This was an excellently written, salient post with some good tidbits. I've learned some of these lessons the hard way. I'll add a few. Proof of work is important, but it's not about the magnitude of energy you spend. I went through two iterations of reaching out to my college network. The first time I put so much time into handwriting notes and trying to provide my relatable background. 100 notes, not a single respon…

I disagree with everything you said. It's basically just pure luck in terms of something like repairing a flat tire, etc., and then in a professional setting none of this applies at all.
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