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Overcoming the friendship recession

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Re: Overcoming the friendship recession

#41

Post by CalRobert »

mettamage wrote: post #3

One thing I read on IG that one couple decided to do in NL was what they call "stoepen" ("stoep" is the Dutch word for sidewalk). They'd get some chairs to their front yard, which is connected to the sidewalk, and they'd greet people and start chatting with them. When vibes clicked they'd invite them to come sit with them, until people got in the habit of sometimes coming by and sitting with them. So there's that. Ob…

Ah Nice! I read about a couple in I think the Bay Area doing this too, to great effect

Re: Overcoming the friendship recession

#42

Post by alex_suzuki »

drzaiusx11 wrote: post #10
hrdwdmrbl wrote: post #2

Unfortunately many people now strongly dislike receiving unexpected phone calls. You may (i have) genuinely upset some people by calling them. Yes, I’m rolling my eyes too, but that’s how they feel

Spam phone calls have become so horrendously common here in the US (multiple a day) that I just keep my mobile on do not disturb 24/7 with exceptions for those in my core contact group. Maybe I'll miss a call or two that actually had substance, but I'd rather be slightly more isolated than constantly annoyed. Find me on various online platforms with text chat, voice or video if you really want to reach me. Or don't.

Same here. Spam calls have really picked up these last couple of years, I also get multiple per day. Here in Switzerland you need to register with your ID to get a mobile phone number, but somehow these spam callers still manage to appear to be calling from a mobile phone, which used to be a strong signal for “not spam”. It’s gotten so bad that I completely ignore unknown numbers, except if I’m expecting a call. This has its own downsides of course. Tragedy of the commons. :-( Maybe call screening can help, but at least on iOS it isn’t available yet here.

Re: Overcoming the friendship recession

#43

Post by Insanity »

drzaiusx11 wrote: post #12
lowdude wrote: post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That was my first thought as well, and I am one of those people. I strongly dislike being called, especially unexpectedly, and much prefer a quick text message to maybe meet up in person, if the opportunity presents itself (e.g. if one of us happens to be in the town of the other one)

At this point in my life if someone I actually know irl calls out of the blue, it induces anxiety as it's a very non-zero chance someone has died...

100% this. Apart from my SO and scammers, no one randomly calls me. If my brother would call me out of the blue I'd assume the worst. (Also, the one random call I vividly remember getting the past years is my mom calling me to let me know my grandfather unexpectedly passed away).

It's just needlessly anxiety-inducing. Not to mention it's a major inconvenience to interrupt someone randomly for a chat.

Re: Overcoming the friendship recession

#44

Post by lotsofpulp »

chrisweekly wrote: post #18
drzaiusx11 wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

At this point in my life if someone I actually know irl calls out of the blue, it induces anxiety as it's a very non-zero chance someone has died...

Yeah, that's one of the reasons calls out of the blue are mostly reserved for emergencies in my family and friend group. Texts eliminate that factor, and are more polite. A phone call represents immediacy / urgency ("this merits interrupting whatever you might be doing right now"). A text like "hey are you free for a quick call?" lets the recipient pivot from what they're doing and engage on their terms. IMHO it's mo…

[dead]

Re: Overcoming the friendship recession

#45

Post by sph »

Zealotux wrote: post #25

I live in Barcelona, and during last year’s blackout I wandered through the city. As I passed by the Baix Guinardó gardens, I came across something that felt like a "A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte" brought to life: the park was full of families socialising the old way, children running everywhere, the whole place buzzing with chatter and energy. Later that day, walking home through darkened stree…

Have you ever seen those videos filming London streets in the 1970s? They are absolutely packed with groups of two or three people, not going places, but just standing there, chatting, as if they have nowhere else to be. It is something most of us have never experienced in any form and the change has happened over long enough timescales that we are used to our streets of strangers just going about their lives, the external world just a physical inconvenience to traverse as quickly as possible, not the real world where one just exists.

Re: Overcoming the friendship recession

#46

Post by Insanity »

groby_b wrote: post #23
chrisweekly wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, that's one of the reasons calls out of the blue are mostly reserved for emergencies in my family and friend group. Texts eliminate that factor, and are more polite. A phone call represents immediacy / urgency ("this merits interrupting whatever you might be doing right now"). A text like "hey are you free for a quick call?" lets the recipient pivot from what they're doing and engage on their terms. IMHO it's mo…

You're about one step away from sending an email to ask if you can send a text to ask if you can make a phone call. It's not "more considerate" - you can ignore a phone call the same you can ignore a text. It's merely asking other people to optimize for you convenience only. That's perfectly fine to ask for, but it doesn't help with making friendships easy.

Disagree with this. Sending a text saying "Can we call when you're free" is more considerate of the other persons time than a random call. It sounds like you're trying to make it sound absurd by your 'send an email to send a text', rather than focus on _why_ the text makes sense.

Re: Overcoming the friendship recession

#47

Post by lp4v4n »

Society is getting materialistic and cynical to toxic levels as the standards of living and the perspective of future further deteriorate.

People feel overworked, tired and out of money.

This general malaise spills on almost every type of social interaction, including friendships unfortunately.

Re: Overcoming the friendship recession

#48

Post by torben-friis »

Zealotux wrote: post #25

I live in Barcelona, and during last year’s blackout I wandered through the city. As I passed by the Baix Guinardó gardens, I came across something that felt like a "A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte" brought to life: the park was full of families socialising the old way, children running everywhere, the whole place buzzing with chatter and energy. Later that day, walking home through darkened stree…

Yup, I'm a Spaniard and had a similar feeling. I'm pretty sure that, if the government had proposed an intentional weekly blackout, there would have been a large majority in favor.

I'm currently trying to reduce internet usage by a simple rule: no feeds (try to avoid places where I could even see them).

It's extremely difficult.

YouTube receives you with a feed, every social network as well, even the online version of a newspaper is arguably a feed. It's usually not possible to use a service without having one in frequent sight. Even my weather app tries its best to offer a feed of weather related news, the photo gallery app shows one of memories....

Re: Overcoming the friendship recession

#49

Post by GJim »

pino83 wrote: post #36

One thing that I've learned from my friends in the last 10 years: You can either have deep friendships XOR children. All of them are either still without children, or are by no means valuable friends anymore. Sorry, but that's just how it is.

Disappointing somebody has seen fit to "drive-by" downvote your post that simply describes your truthful personal observations.

Presumably they don't want to engage in discussion, which is precisely what this topic is about!

Re: Overcoming the friendship recession

#50

Post by alex_suzuki »

pino83 wrote: post #36

One thing that I've learned from my friends in the last 10 years: You can either have deep friendships XOR children. All of them are either still without children, or are by no means valuable friends anymore. Sorry, but that's just how it is.

For me, kids have had a “filtering” effect. Where previously I had a lot of friends (including shallow ones), having less time and being less flexible in general compressed my circle of friends to just a few people with whom I share both a deeper connection and a mutual understanding that the pressures of life sometimes get between us, and that’s ok. And as another commenter mentioned, kids do grow older…
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