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I'm 34. Here's 34 things I wish I knew at 21

elliot.my

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Re: I'm 34. Here's 34 things I wish I knew at 21

#41

Post by K0balt »

Loughla wrote: post #26
theblazehen wrote: post #5

> If you're a man, one of your hardest battle may be not giving in to sexual urges that cause harm to others. History is littered with otherwise entirely brilliant men who succeeded at everything but this. You must succeed. I'm not sure I like the framing of this

Uh, yeah. I've been a man my entire life and I've never ever had a problem with wanting to let my sexual urges cause harm to others. I have a very high libido even. Not once has this been a problem. The fuck is this about?

That was my first reaction as well. Maybe if we include letting others harm themselves or others by choosing poorly it makes more sense, but then it’s patronising to the opposite sex, like their agency is invalid.

OTOH I can remember being a 16 year old sex crazed sociopath, maybe adolescence is what op refers to? I definitely participated is some extremely questionable decisions at that age, and sometimes I wonder if others were significantly affected by my ignorance and selfishness. Probably not, as they were also sex crazed sociopaths at the time, but still. Such a cringefest.

Being ashamed of your past actions is how you know you are growing.

Re: I'm 34. Here's 34 things I wish I knew at 21

#43

Post by direwolf20 »

krapp wrote: post #27
127 wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Mating is where humans are still closest to nature. Traffic has rules. Love has none.

And men wonder why women choose the bear...

As a hypothetical. In reality, men and women wonder why men and women choose the sociopath.

Re: I'm 34. Here's 34 things I wish I knew at 21

#44

Post by kibbul4 »

krapp wrote: post #27
127 wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Mating is where humans are still closest to nature. Traffic has rules. Love has none.

And men wonder why women choose the bear...

We're well aware that it's some combination of antagonistic attention-seeking and suicidal naivety.

Re: I'm 34. Here's 34 things I wish I knew at 21

#45

Post by direwolf20 »

torginus wrote: post #31
ap99 wrote: post #10

> Eating meat is quite clearly immoral. Unless it will be detrimental to your health, eat as little as possible. Carnivorous animals, are they immoral?

I'm sure the concept of self-restraint exists in the animal kingdom among apex predators. Don't hunt too much or otherwise you will destroy your habitat. This applies to humans too, and not just in the context of eating meat.

It does not. One predator eats all the prey, because if he doesn't, the other predators will. The next year they all starve. This is a documented effect. No reference to geopolitics intended.

Re: I'm 34. Here's 34 things I wish I knew at 21

#46

Post by akimbostrawman »

comrade1234 wrote: post #9

35. Women can be as horny and lonely as men and all you need to do is talk to them to meet them. This was a revelation to me in my early-thirties.

>This was a revelation to me in my early-thirties

Have you considered that this had less to do with how you acted but more with your marked value increasing and there's decreasing?

Re: I'm 34. Here's 34 things I wish I knew at 21

#47

Post by elliotmy »

kibbul4 wrote: post #15
moralestapia wrote: post #11

>If you're a man, one of your hardest battles may be not giving in to sexual urges that cause harm to others. What the ...

Author telling on himself here

Hi there – author of the post here. I included this quite intentionally.

I consider rape and sexual assault to be one of the worst things one human can do to another – just behind murder and torture. And yet society is littered with it. Ask any woman (and some men), she'll more than likely have a story. And it should be obvious: don't sexually hurt people! I _shouldn't_ need to include this in a simple list of rules for life. But sadly, I feel I do.

I've noticed advice articles, personal development books, and "self-help" podcasts aimed largely at men never seem to address this simple fact: far too many men commit or have thoughts of sexual violence. This was true hundreds of years ago and it's still true now. These men are out there, amongst us. They're "good" in every other way – they're kind to strangers, they love their mother, they're great fathers to their kids (how many of the world's great men have an "allegations" section on their Wikipedia page for goodness sake?). And yet they give in to this disgusting, horrific lust that ends up ruining someone's life (and often their own).

I purposefully included it in my list, because others don't. Because it appears to be something that more men struggle with than people realise.

I don't care if it's taboo. If my post stops just one man acting on his evil desires and harming a woman, man, or child, it was worth it as far as I'm concerned, despite the controversy I've stirred up.

Having said that, if what I wrote was clumsy, inconsiderate or implies I have similar desires – as you and theblazehen suggests – then I do apologise. I am NOT on the side of rapists.

Edit: I probably should have mentioned that my advice was meant to also cover cheating on your partner as a form of "harm", as well as sexual assault. But maybe I was too vague.

Re: I'm 34. Here's 34 things I wish I knew at 21

#49

Post by dwpdwpdwpdwpdwp »

Loughla wrote: post #26
theblazehen wrote: post #5

> If you're a man, one of your hardest battle may be not giving in to sexual urges that cause harm to others. History is littered with otherwise entirely brilliant men who succeeded at everything but this. You must succeed. I'm not sure I like the framing of this

Uh, yeah. I've been a man my entire life and I've never ever had a problem with wanting to let my sexual urges cause harm to others. I have a very high libido even. Not once has this been a problem. The fuck is this about?

Ask a divorce lawyer that question.

Re: I'm 34. Here's 34 things I wish I knew at 21

#50

Post by dpkirchner »

Loughla wrote: post #26
theblazehen wrote: post #5

> If you're a man, one of your hardest battle may be not giving in to sexual urges that cause harm to others. History is littered with otherwise entirely brilliant men who succeeded at everything but this. You must succeed. I'm not sure I like the framing of this

Uh, yeah. I've been a man my entire life and I've never ever had a problem with wanting to let my sexual urges cause harm to others. I have a very high libido even. Not once has this been a problem. The fuck is this about?

I think this is where the "may" applies.
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