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Why We Spiral

behavioralscientist.org

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Re: Why We Spiral

#41

Post by leptons »

Waterluvian wrote: post #38
SamoyedFurFluff wrote: post #19

As a person with long experiences in trauma responses, I see this sort of behavior pattern everywhere. There’s so much “trust your gut!!” advice when the gut can be deeply wrong especially when it comes to identifying interpersonal threats. We don’t educate people in how to process their feelings in a healthy manner and to differentiate what they feel is happening and how they should behave. This results in anything…

I think a big part of maturing professionally is how I’ve gotten a better handle on not trusting my gut. He’s here to take my job. The VP knows him and hired him directly. There’s so many signals each week that say I’m right. He’s trying to take credit for a decade of my hard work. He’s going to exploit me and everyone will believe him and not me. The more likely reality: he’s new here and I’ve been here for a decade…

>He’s here to take my job. The VP knows him and hired him directly. There’s so many signals each week that say I’m right.

In one situation for me, this was exactly the case. It became more clear as each week went by. It was a "bro" situation between the C-level and the new hire, and the C-level was a "30 under 30" so there was a high school mentality about it.

Re: Why We Spiral

#42

Post by softwaredoug »

truelson wrote: post #30

A key part of breaking cycles for me has been noticing when my default mode network ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Default_mode_network ) or DMN is being activated, being able to stop, do a series of 4-2-6 breaths to activate the parasympathetic nervous system and focus on what I'm doing in the present. The DMN is the little chatterbox "daemon" always talking in the background. Learning to consistently notice it and…

Anyone who has a restless dog in the evenings can see DMN create anxiety.

Like many dogs, my dog gets bored and looks for something to bark at. He scans out the window like I scan social media. He’s got extra energy that seems to need to go somewhere, and that somewhere seems to be looking out the window scanning for threats, barking, sounding meaner than he actually is.

It’s like he manufactures anxiety out of nothing else to do.

Re: Why We Spiral

#43

Post by galleywest200 »

truelson wrote: post #30

A key part of breaking cycles for me has been noticing when my default mode network ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Default_mode_network ) or DMN is being activated, being able to stop, do a series of 4-2-6 breaths to activate the parasympathetic nervous system and focus on what I'm doing in the present. The DMN is the little chatterbox "daemon" always talking in the background. Learning to consistently notice it and…

> but I've found working on this every day is better than any form of traditional meditation or "mindfulness" work

This is mindfulness work, what you just described.

Re: Why We Spiral

#44

Post by [deleted] »

wtbdbrrr wrote: post #29
SamoyedFurFluff wrote: post #19

As a person with long experiences in trauma responses, I see this sort of behavior pattern everywhere. There’s so much “trust your gut!!” advice when the gut can be deeply wrong especially when it comes to identifying interpersonal threats. We don’t educate people in how to process their feelings in a healthy manner and to differentiate what they feel is happening and how they should behave. This results in anything…

The problem is identifying what is your gut vs what your brain was wired for over years and decades. It echoes, and this is an abstraction, consumption and how consumption made those crowds and individuals feel, that appeared as having the most fun. a) you don't see the doses of amphetamines and other drugs these people have consumed or are consuming regularly but more importantly: b) your gut is disturbed by what yo…

[deleted]

Re: Why We Spiral

#45

Post by mberning »

th0ma5 wrote: post #26
mberning wrote: post #24

[flagged]

I think it should be said that abusive, toxic work environments can creep up until you're in one, and hearing things like people should just have a tough skin. What would be a more specific way of putting that?

I don't know what point you are trying to make. One person's "abusive and toxic work environment" is another's "results driven organization". If you find yourself in a role that doesn't fit you, or you have serious doubts about, my best advice would be to leave. You are unlikely to meaningfully change the culture. In fact it will probably achieve the opposite of what you want, and people will dislike you for trying.

Re: Why We Spiral

#46

Post by sublinear »

You shouldn't try to squash these thoughts, but don't believe you're going to predict much either.

If you're early in your career, do everything you can to set yourself up for financial stability. If you're already there, work on your confidence and your skills. The biggest positive changes in my career came from doing what felt right and not backing down. If there was ever an industry in need of more courage and wisdom, it's software.

Anyway, I also hate when articles try to popularize vocabulary that makes information less accessible. It's not "spiral", but "ruminate".

Re: Why We Spiral

#47

Post by mikert89 »

leptons wrote: post #41
Waterluvian wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think a big part of maturing professionally is how I’ve gotten a better handle on not trusting my gut. He’s here to take my job. The VP knows him and hired him directly. There’s so many signals each week that say I’m right. He’s trying to take credit for a decade of my hard work. He’s going to exploit me and everyone will believe him and not me. The more likely reality: he’s new here and I’ve been here for a decade…

>He’s here to take my job. The VP knows him and hired him directly. There’s so many signals each week that say I’m right. In one situation for me, this was exactly the case. It became more clear as each week went by. It was a "bro" situation between the C-level and the new hire, and the C-level was a "30 under 30" so there was a high school mentality about it.

You can almost never win this situation, I have seen funded startups literally go under because of friendships and incorrect attribution of who did what.

Re: Why We Spiral

#48

Post by _fw »

softwaredoug wrote: post #42
truelson wrote: post #30

A key part of breaking cycles for me has been noticing when my default mode network ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Default_mode_network ) or DMN is being activated, being able to stop, do a series of 4-2-6 breaths to activate the parasympathetic nervous system and focus on what I'm doing in the present. The DMN is the little chatterbox "daemon" always talking in the background. Learning to consistently notice it and…

Anyone who has a restless dog in the evenings can see DMN create anxiety. Like many dogs, my dog gets bored and looks for something to bark at. He scans out the window like I scan social media. He’s got extra energy that seems to need to go somewhere, and that somewhere seems to be looking out the window scanning for threats, barking, sounding meaner than he actually is. It’s like he manufactures anxiety out of nothi…

Holy shit.

You’ve just changed my perspective on my life (and my spaniel’s).

Thank you Doug.

Re: Why We Spiral

#49

Post by mierz00 »

One thing that has “cured” these thoughts for me is having a child.

I don’t have time to ruminate like I did previously and I’ve also come to understand people better. It’s funny to see how often we all act like toddlers.

It’s also made working in corporate easier, as it turns out telling a toddler no it’s surprisingly good practice for the real world.

Re: Why We Spiral

#50

Post by brazukadev »

softwaredoug wrote: post #42
truelson wrote: post #30

A key part of breaking cycles for me has been noticing when my default mode network ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Default_mode_network ) or DMN is being activated, being able to stop, do a series of 4-2-6 breaths to activate the parasympathetic nervous system and focus on what I'm doing in the present. The DMN is the little chatterbox "daemon" always talking in the background. Learning to consistently notice it and…

Anyone who has a restless dog in the evenings can see DMN create anxiety. Like many dogs, my dog gets bored and looks for something to bark at. He scans out the window like I scan social media. He’s got extra energy that seems to need to go somewhere, and that somewhere seems to be looking out the window scanning for threats, barking, sounding meaner than he actually is. It’s like he manufactures anxiety out of nothi…

> Like many dogs, my dog gets bored and looks for something to bark at.

This is the best analogy I've heard about social media, hope to remember it to use when needed.

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