My personal anecdote is that living with roommates while doing a PhD has been the worst living experience. That is, I'm rather jealous how the author ended up with a functioning setup and I wonder what attributes to this. Sometimes I wonder if the main cause for my challenges is that living with other PhD students is a competitive environment of time (constant prisoner dilemma situations where nobody cooperates to maximize their time to work), or if it's the mix of cultural backgrounds (I don't know how to get them to cooperate).
The case for having roommates even when you can afford to live alone
41–50 of 119 posts
Re: The case for having roommates even when you can afford to live alone
#42I have lived in “intentional communities” and attest that mature and self capable men and women of all ages can and do live excellently in compact (from [augmented] single home suburban dwellings of a dozen *or more) to ranch style configurations. It is truly a new level of human excellence. The Epicurean garden of our age. This has never worked without the WORK involved. People clean, people have a forum for regular…
> It is truly a new level of human excellence. The Epicurean garden of our age. > This has never worked without the WORK involved. People clean, people have a forum for regular discussion, people have responsibilities, and people come and go. > If you want a better life sometimes you have to game up with a better self. I think it’s funny to hear the concept of teaming up with other people, putting in the work, sharin…
> this is just describing what it’s like to have a family and a household
It's describing what it's like to do so well.
IME, most people do not approach family with sufficient intentionality to achieve what sunscream89 describes. At best, they settle into a comfortable set of unconscious agreements and patterns that work OK for each other. At worst, those patterns cause constant friction that eventually tear them apart—or cause them to go to therapy and start adding intentionality to the relationship(s).
Re: The case for having roommates even when you can afford to live alone
#43The case for normalising poverty.
How about "the case for acknowledging the reality that actually exists, rather than trying to pretend it will go away if we ignore it"?
Re: The case for having roommates even when you can afford to live alone
#44I generally like having roommates, but when they're bad, they're BAD. I've also never done the communal cooking thing. Either they don't cook, are bad at cooking, or have dubious food hygiene. I haven't met any potential partners through them either. I might take a walk or swim with them but I sure as hell didn't get OP's experience.
Re: The case for having roommates even when you can afford to live alone
#45Earlier quoted context omitted.
> It is truly a new level of human excellence. The Epicurean garden of our age. > This has never worked without the WORK involved. People clean, people have a forum for regular discussion, people have responsibilities, and people come and go. > If you want a better life sometimes you have to game up with a better self. I think it’s funny to hear the concept of teaming up with other people, putting in the work, sharin…
> this is just describing what it’s like to have a family and a household It's describing what it's like to do so well . IME, most people do not approach family with sufficient intentionality to achieve what sunscream89 describes. At best, they settle into a comfortable set of unconscious agreements and patterns that work OK for each other. At worst, those patterns cause constant friction that eventually tear them ap…
> It's describing what it's like to do so well.
And the comment above is describing the absolute best case communal living arrangement
> IME, most people do not approach family with sufficient intentionality to achieve what sunscream89 describes
In my experience, most roommates don’t do anything even close to what sunscream89 describes.
However most families at least make an attempt be a family, not just roommates.
Re: The case for having roommates even when you can afford to live alone
#46I think personality plays a big role. If it works for you, great!
But living with a group of people sounds like hell to me. When I go home, I want to be alone and relax. I don't want to deal with other people's shit, and I don't want to bother them with mine.
It's so unappealling to me, I would live out of my car before I gave in and tried living with roommates.
Re: The case for having roommates even when you can afford to live alone
#47Earlier quoted context omitted.
> this is just describing what it’s like to have a family and a household It's describing what it's like to do so well . IME, most people do not approach family with sufficient intentionality to achieve what sunscream89 describes. At best, they settle into a comfortable set of unconscious agreements and patterns that work OK for each other. At worst, those patterns cause constant friction that eventually tear them ap…
> It's describing what it's like to do so well. And the comment above is describing the absolute best case communal living arrangement > IME, most people do not approach family with sufficient intentionality to achieve what sunscream89 describes In my experience, most roommates don’t do anything even close to what sunscream89 describes. However most families at least make an attempt be a family, not just roommates.
A family is completely different.
I have a large family, this is nothing like even a functional family. Nothing.
I have lived in over three intentional communities (some others were too casual). From elaborate roommate situations to full on company town.
Working and living together in the “Epicurean dream” is intentional community, one lost to main stream awareness. And that is a form of excellent living!
I guess there are those who find living and working for others the natural way, and those who would live and work for themselves (as a community).
Re: The case for having roommates even when you can afford to live alone
#48I generally like having roommates, but when they're bad, they're BAD. I've also never done the communal cooking thing. Either they don't cook, are bad at cooking, or have dubious food hygiene. I haven't met any potential partners through them either. I might take a walk or swim with them but I sure as hell didn't get OP's experience.
[deleted]
Re: The case for having roommates even when you can afford to live alone
#49I think it's important to call out the difference between "what I prefer" and "what is good for me". We understand this fully in many aspects of our lives (from "My body prefers to do heroin" to "I prefer not to exercise but I do it because it's good for me").
I see a lot of comments here along the lines of "I prefer to live alone because roommates are a pain in the ass", but I think there might be a lot of value to doing this because it's good for you. Living with other people forces us to corral our worst tendencies, to break out of virtual worlds to engage in the real one, to form bonds that will force us to grow and change.
I think it's strange that our preference in this area, but not many others, could be so dominant over what is good for us.
Re: The case for having roommates even when you can afford to live alone
#50I have lived in “intentional communities” and attest that mature and self capable men and women of all ages can and do live excellently in compact (from [augmented] single home suburban dwellings of a dozen *or more) to ranch style configurations. It is truly a new level of human excellence. The Epicurean garden of our age. This has never worked without the WORK involved. People clean, people have a forum for regular…
> It is truly a new level of human excellence. The Epicurean garden of our age. > This has never worked without the WORK involved. People clean, people have a forum for regular discussion, people have responsibilities, and people come and go. > If you want a better life sometimes you have to game up with a better self. I think it’s funny to hear the concept of teaming up with other people, putting in the work, sharin…
> Because this is just describing what it’s like to have a family and a household.
Actually, not at all. A co-living arrangement of adults (or WG for Wohngemeinschaft, as we call it in Germany) is not well advised to work like a family household. A family has someone being the father, someone else being the mother and then there are children. While some WGs might stabilize into such a pattern for a while, it is certainly doomed to fail and end in drama. It's more like a team at work - which infamously isn't a family either.