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If You Don't Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will

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Re: If You Don't Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will

#41

Post by snowwrestler »

Mz wrote: post #38
snowwrestler wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And who is now seemingly divorced and homeless.

Yes. My divorce was amicable and occurred to save my life. I went homeless by choice as the only hope I have of resolving health problems the world says cannot be solved. But thank you for the gratuitous ad hominem which appears completely irrelevant to this discussion.

I'm sorry, I probably worded that unnecessarily harshly.

My point is that while you obviously feel strongly that you have chosen the correct path for your life, you are not an objective observer. I have come to realize that my thoughts on commitment and work--which were strongly like yours--were primarily a coping mechanism for a lifestyle that was not good for me.

Edit to add: This is the message of the "top 5 regrets" post linked in the HBR article: the decisions we make and defend during life might not look so great as greater perspective is gained.

Re: If You Don't Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will

#42

Post by Mz »

cgopalan wrote: post #40
Mz wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have been meaning to write a blog post about this. I think if friends and family don't understand that your work is a priority, they should be cut loose. There are times when you should try to prioritize family. I spoke to that in another comment in this same discussion. (And I was a homemaker and fulltime mom for two decades, so my family was my work.) But unless it is the kind of friend that would happily follow…

I don't think it has anything to do with your family's attitude towards your work (although I do agree if they put their interests before your priorities they shouldn't be given more importance). Family/friends could be more important than work to someone who derives more satisfaction from them. And in your comment, you seem to imply that a job automatically deserves loyalty (in this age where companies can let you g…

A specific job may not be, in which case you should probably be looking for other work. But it has been said that two major themes in life are learning to deal with love and with work. If you need a paycheck to not starve, then your job should be pretty darn important to you whether you like it or not.

I know no one here is going to change my point of view. Maybe you could explain to me why people keep trying to do so while apparently making no effort to understand it when I have repeatedly indicated I would kind of like to bow out of what looks to me to be pointless contention.

Re: If You Don't Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will

#43

Post by [deleted] »

cgopalan wrote: post #40
Mz wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have been meaning to write a blog post about this. I think if friends and family don't understand that your work is a priority, they should be cut loose. There are times when you should try to prioritize family. I spoke to that in another comment in this same discussion. (And I was a homemaker and fulltime mom for two decades, so my family was my work.) But unless it is the kind of friend that would happily follow…

I don't think it has anything to do with your family's attitude towards your work (although I do agree if they put their interests before your priorities they shouldn't be given more importance). Family/friends could be more important than work to someone who derives more satisfaction from them. And in your comment, you seem to imply that a job automatically deserves loyalty (in this age where companies can let you g…

[deleted]

Re: If You Don't Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will

#44

Post by Mz »

snowwrestler wrote: post #41
Mz wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes. My divorce was amicable and occurred to save my life. I went homeless by choice as the only hope I have of resolving health problems the world says cannot be solved. But thank you for the gratuitous ad hominem which appears completely irrelevant to this discussion.

I'm sorry, I probably worded that unnecessarily harshly. My point is that while you obviously feel strongly that you have chosen the correct path for your life, you are not an objective observer. I have come to realize that my thoughts on commitment and work--which were strongly like yours--were primarily a coping mechanism for a lifestyle that was not good for me. Edit to add: This is the message of the "top 5 regre…

Then I will suggest you might be projecting. My work saved my life. I don't regret my devotion to either my sons or my ex husband. I consider myself a success in life, something I wrote about recently elsewhere and will be happy to share the link to if you care to see it.

Re: If You Don't Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will

#45

Post by anothermachine »

snowwrestler wrote: post #36
cantrevealname wrote: post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> if I've got to make a choice between finishing a product or being a good parent/husband I'll take the latter And that's why most successful startups are founded by childless, unmarried, under 30s. Being young correlates to being energetic and not risk averse, and having no family commitments correlates to choosing the product over going to soccer practice.

> And that's why most successful startups are founded by childless, unmarried, under 30s. Do you have a citation for that? It does not match the research I'm aware of. For instance: > Founders tended to be middle-aged—40 years old on average—when they started their first companies. Nearly 70 percent were married when they became entrepreneurs, and nearly 60 percent had at least one child, challenging the stereotype o…

Having children is not the same as having time for children, as plenty of children can attest.

Re: If You Don't Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will

#46

Post by ChuckMcM »

Mz wrote: post #32
nollidge wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

He's not whining about anything except his own failure to take control of his life. I don't think he's blaming the client at all, just himself for wanting to ingratiate himself to the client when A) there's greater priorities, and B) the client probably won't care much, if at all.

And my point is that it doesn't sound like it was a really major failure. The way the article is written sounds like emo drama making a mountain of a molehill. But I might need to bow out of this discussion as I get the impression my pov is neither understood nor appreciated. I was always there for my kids. They are 22 and 25 and I have their undying loyalty. We are currently homeless together. They have other option…

"And my point is that it doesn't sound like it was a really major failure. The way the article is written sounds like emo drama making a mountain of a molehill."

I think I do understand your point of view, could be wrong, but in summary it sounds like "hey things could be way worse, get over it."

The challenge I have is that while it is true that this particular problem for the OP was less 'problem' than say 'losing your hands in a freak wood chipper accident', the author was still trying to glean some life lessons from it. The particular lesson they were focused on was the need to have priorities come from inside rather than outside.

You've had a harder time of it than the OP, but that doesn't change the lesson that they learned, or the significance of learning it.

Re: If You Don't Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will

#47

Post by cgopalan »

Mz wrote: post #42
cgopalan wrote: post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't think it has anything to do with your family's attitude towards your work (although I do agree if they put their interests before your priorities they shouldn't be given more importance). Family/friends could be more important than work to someone who derives more satisfaction from them. And in your comment, you seem to imply that a job automatically deserves loyalty (in this age where companies can let you g…

A specific job may not be, in which case you should probably be looking for other work. But it has been said that two major themes in life are learning to deal with love and with work. If you need a paycheck to not starve, then your job should be pretty darn important to you whether you like it or not. I know no one here is going to change my point of view. Maybe you could explain to me why people keep trying to do s…

"If you need a paycheck to not starve, then your job should be pretty darn important to you whether you like it or not."

This is what I suspected you meant by "importance". Something that you are forced to make important, not important by choice. And regarding my work, there's no reason for me to look for other work. I love my job. And also love some other activities I do during my day. But my job is not more important.

I know its hard to change a point of view. I just wanted to know where you are coming from. And regarding bowing out, all you need to do is stop responding. As far as I am concerned, I saw a comment, was curious about the why, and prodded a little. It was a good discussion. Thanks for that and good luck.

Re: If You Don't Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will

#48

Post by Mz »

ChuckMcM wrote: post #46
Mz wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And my point is that it doesn't sound like it was a really major failure. The way the article is written sounds like emo drama making a mountain of a molehill. But I might need to bow out of this discussion as I get the impression my pov is neither understood nor appreciated. I was always there for my kids. They are 22 and 25 and I have their undying loyalty. We are currently homeless together. They have other option…

"And my point is that it doesn't sound like it was a really major failure. The way the article is written sounds like emo drama making a mountain of a molehill." I think I do understand your point of view, could be wrong, but in summary it sounds like "hey things could be way worse, get over it." The challenge I have is that while it is true that this particular problem for the OP was less 'problem' than say 'losing…

No, that isn't my attitude at all. But he compares himself to Ghandi and, in comparison, finds himself a failure for attending a meeting. If he learned something, good for him. But I doubt the time he took away from his family really was as significant as he is making it out to be. I wonder if he could have made up for the hour or more loss by, say, writing one less blog post. And I wonder did he really truly learn his lesson or is this overdramatization of the event a continuation of his bad habit.

But have an upvote for attempting to genuinely engage me in conversation in spite of your unfortunate impression that my attitude about this is somehow an ugly thing.

Re: If You Don't Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will

#49

Post by Mz »

cgopalan wrote: post #47
Mz wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A specific job may not be, in which case you should probably be looking for other work. But it has been said that two major themes in life are learning to deal with love and with work. If you need a paycheck to not starve, then your job should be pretty darn important to you whether you like it or not. I know no one here is going to change my point of view. Maybe you could explain to me why people keep trying to do s…

"If you need a paycheck to not starve, then your job should be pretty darn important to you whether you like it or not." This is what I suspected you meant by "importance". Something that you are forced to make important, not important by choice. And regarding my work, there's no reason for me to look for other work. I love my job. And also love some other activities I do during my day. But my job is not more importa…

Re: bowing out. I have found that simply no longer replying when others are seriously mischaracterizing my remarks causes more problems than it solves. It creates additional work of an onerous sort which can haunt me for months or years. I wish that worked. I really do. But I have not found that it does.

Have a great day.

Re: If You Don't Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will

#50

Post by snowwrestler »

Mz wrote: post #44
snowwrestler wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm sorry, I probably worded that unnecessarily harshly. My point is that while you obviously feel strongly that you have chosen the correct path for your life, you are not an objective observer. I have come to realize that my thoughts on commitment and work--which were strongly like yours--were primarily a coping mechanism for a lifestyle that was not good for me. Edit to add: This is the message of the "top 5 regre…

Then I will suggest you might be projecting. My work saved my life. I don't regret my devotion to either my sons or my ex husband. I consider myself a success in life, something I wrote about recently elsewhere and will be happy to share the link to if you care to see it.

Of course you don't regret your devotion to your family. But what you've actually written in this thread is a defense of prioritizing work over family. So which is it?
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