41–50 of 144 posts
I know it’s only an example, but hahahahahahahaha, ha. Start with something realistic if you do that. The worst thing you can do is to teach them you’re a bag of funny promises.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
totally understand where you're coming from, but I think there's a difference between being aware of your emotions and trying to suppress or fake them. The article isn't suggesting that we should be constantly 'on' and pretending to be someone we're not. Rather, it's about developing self-awareness and learning to manage our emotions in a way that's authentic and sustainable. Recognizing the stimuli that trigger our…
I didn't say suppress or fake your emotions, I said to rationalize them. If they are irrational you prevent the emotional knee-jerk response in the first place. If they are rational then you know the root cause to work through so you can fix the issue. For those rational emotional responses, recognizing the stimuli can still be helpful. It's still stressing, but you know the exact problem and can work to resolve it,…
There is a level of being still not broken enough, but then emotions aren’t a problem in the first place. You usually end up trying to manage them when you’re already lost and what people do is simple suppressing, thinking that’s how “adults” do.
To be clear, I provide no answer to this thread, only a comment.
This metaphor immediately rang true to me but the article is definitely worth the whole read. There are a bunch of linked articles too which also have some very sound advice. I really like a tactic in hard situations which was saying "What I learned..." followed by "What I'll do is...". It makes someone feel heard and that you'll follow through with some action to make someone feel like you have akin in the game with…
You'd better follow through and do the thing you said though. If you start saying things when people are riled up and then don't do it... They're going to notice.
There's an unspoken premise here and I'm going to question it. Avoiding tension, conflict, hard words and other things of the sort is not always the right choice. Sometimes letting conflicts play out gets you the best outcome with the least amount of suffering. Just like ripping off a band-aid. There's plenty of times when wining a conflict is far better than avoiding it. And I see articles like this, books like Nonv…
> You’re being a thermometer. When they’re subtly giving off weird vibes—they’re frowning, answering your questions with fewer words than normal, etc.—you’ve noticed that their temperature is different. And if you are doing this as a coping mechanism from having an unstable parent and you are like me (also maybe a bit of adhd): you internalize the person's chilled behavior and often assume it is your fault. In case y…
I know this and I have learned more than enough about it to internalize it, but it just doesn't work. I can't find a way to stop the automatic jumping to conclusion and self blame. It takes hours to get over it and that's exhausting. I am trying for years to find a way out, but it just hasn't internalized yet
I often mention something without implying blame (or even assuming blame), but it’s still processed that way.
I’m trying to be conscious of this though.
There's an unspoken premise here and I'm going to question it. Avoiding tension, conflict, hard words and other things of the sort is not always the right choice. Sometimes letting conflicts play out gets you the best outcome with the least amount of suffering. Just like ripping off a band-aid. There's plenty of times when wining a conflict is far better than avoiding it. And I see articles like this, books like Nonv…
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I just hate this kind of stuff. Good for you if you can create a consulting business out of stating the obvious I suppose. It is a drain on the economy however.
What is obvious is wildly different among people. For instance, it was obvious to me that the article was sharing some ideas freely, and those ideas are ones which are not obvious to everyone in the workplace.
“It’s obvious” is a rhetoric which puts the person who’s not getting it on defense. Usually it’s pretty counterproductive too.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
I know this and I have learned more than enough about it to internalize it, but it just doesn't work. I can't find a way to stop the automatic jumping to conclusion and self blame. It takes hours to get over it and that's exhausting. I am trying for years to find a way out, but it just hasn't internalized yet
Any tips for the person on the other side? I often mention something without implying blame (or even assuming blame), but it’s still processed that way. I’m trying to be conscious of this though.
So no real tips, sorry. "we" just have to learn how to live with it ourselves
I just hate this kind of stuff. Good for you if you can create a consulting business out of stating the obvious I suppose. It is a drain on the economy however.
> Good for you if you can create a consulting business out of stating the obvious I suppose. In my experience, tech problems are a lot easier to solve than people problems, and a lot of things that don't go well in a project turn out to be people problems. E.g. here are a few issues I encountered in my current project at work in the last month: "their framework makes assumptions that don't apply to our code, so we re…
What makes a huge difference is how you frame your interactions. If you extrinsic your interactions you're all-ways going to come away with a lack of agency, stress and/or frustration. if you intrinsic your interactions, you're going to be more in control, accountable, and over-all indifferent to other people.
For example well at work, I'm being compensated to participate in the organization to work towards its goals, wants, needs and/or desires. Those have nothing to do with me, nor do i really care about it. I will engage with people at work, colleagues and managers, how-ever if later they don't volunteer engage back - such as being cordial, I don't re-engage because I consider it to be intrusive.
Now let say you have co-workers who have a glaring communication problem. It it pretty obviously that you can do anything about it. So you engage their manager of lack of communication, and lack of professionalism. If their manager doesn't want to rectify the problem then you communicate it with your manager but at the same time be professional about it that you do not have the capacity to deliver on the deliverables within your current roles. This opens the door to opening a dialog to reviewing your remuneration or compensation package that includes the new responsibilities.