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Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

jorgegalindo.me

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Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#41

Post by jackschultz »

If you're looking for an intro to mindfulness and meditation, the practice of mettā [0] is a truly a great way to start, and frankly, end with as well.

Commonly translated as "loving-kindness", applicable to the post, but even more simply as "friendliness" to yourself and others. It's crazy the feelings that can come when you sit, say, and feel the effect of phrases like "may I/you be happy", "may I/you be at ease". This isn't a game where we try to get points for being nice for an afterlife, but somewhat of a compounding way of looking at life and interactions with others.

There are many quick start posts, but this is a good one [1] to follow along. Rob Burbea has many talks about mettā, and these [2] are a good intro series.

[0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maitr%C4%AB

[1] https://www.mettainstitute.org/mettameditation.html

[2] https://dharmaseed.org/retreats/1084/

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#42

Post by elric »

Learning not to take everything personally, and not being easily offended are two valuable life skills. I've come to value intent much more than when I was younger. "Did they ignore me because they're mean, or were they simply too distracted to say hello?"

I struggle with being "kind" when under pressure. I don't mean to be unkind, but it can seem that way. People who don't know me well sometimes get offended by that. People who know me a little better don't get offended, they know I'll be more approachable when the deed is done (whatever the deed may be). It's ok to be a hedgehog sometimes. Not being kind sometimes is ok. Just don't be mean, that's much more important.

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#43

Post by cmsefton »

Agree with this wholeheartedly. I think where kindness really plays a key role is not passing snap judgements on people and their motivations. It's easy to interpret people's actions or intentions in a negative light, thinking they don't care or are incompetent. I would also like to add that kindness is not just being kind to other people, but to yourself as well. It's easy to beat ourselves up about the mistakes we make, or blaming ourselves for outcomes that sometimes are beyond our control. We can't be perfect.

For the most part, I like to live in a world where the default position is that we're mostly well-intentioned, rising apes rather than fallen angels (RIP, Sir Terry Pratchett). This is clearly not always the case, and it's important to accept that, but it shouldn't stop me from still aspiring to be as kind as possible in my own life.

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#44

Post by flatline »

mydriasis wrote: post #6

Work is hard and stressful. If we're sweet and kind to one-another, we get through it more easily, no matter how smart each of us is individually. Being kind is an investment, and its dividends pay out enormously as your organization grows. Like the article says, it's infectious. I believe that. I believe that if I show kindness, especially to people who are new to the organization, they'll mirror it right back, and…

Sweetness and kindness are not necessarily the same thing. Just like how “nice” can be a toxic trait.

His list of points is fine. It’s mostly the servant leadership mentality, which I’m all for. But sometimes to be an effective leader you have to make hard decisions. You’ve got to know your personal boundaries and know when to yield and when to hold them, or other less sweet people are going to steamrolling you, or you’re going to get overloaded by taking on too much, etc. And sometimes you have to be direct and blunt and not so sweet to show true kindness. Confrontation is hard and it’s not something most people really want, but I believe it’s sometimes necessary to embody kindness. For yourself, your teammates, the customer, the organization. Because at the end of the day if you are not effective, that’s going to hurt everyone.

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#45

Post by __s »

xchip wrote: post #30
__s wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In general, the kindest people will be the ones who have the maturity to not be offended

How is that related?

Maybe you're right. Deleted my continuing stream of thought. I just woke up so not at my smartest

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#46

Post by mgaunard »

mydriasis wrote: post #6

Work is hard and stressful. If we're sweet and kind to one-another, we get through it more easily, no matter how smart each of us is individually. Being kind is an investment, and its dividends pay out enormously as your organization grows. Like the article says, it's infectious. I believe that. I believe that if I show kindness, especially to people who are new to the organization, they'll mirror it right back, and…

Will you be kind as well to the people who repeatedly fuck up and don't care about delivering good processes or products?

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#47

Post by glitchc »

bootcat wrote: post #8

You want to be smart to gather attention, you need to be kind to sustain attention and transform it into meaningful relationships !

It's work. It's not where I make friends. It's far more worthwhile to have meaningful relationships with your neighbours than your colleagues.

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#48

Post by CoastalCoder »

ttoinou wrote: post #11
mydriasis wrote: post #6

Work is hard and stressful. If we're sweet and kind to one-another, we get through it more easily, no matter how smart each of us is individually. Being kind is an investment, and its dividends pay out enormously as your organization grows. Like the article says, it's infectious. I believe that. I believe that if I show kindness, especially to people who are new to the organization, they'll mirror it right back, and…

So you want to be kind only for utilitarian motives, not because it’s a good thing in principle ?

It sounds like you're saying it's far better to be kind for altruistic reasons. Is that right?

Some persons (me included) suspect that humans rarely if ever act with true altruism; that it's actually a nicely dressed up form of self-serving hedonism.

And so for us, the challenge becomes how to get ourselves to act good / kind despite that. One way is to find ways to intentionally tie kind behavior to our own self-interest.

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#49

Post by user90131313 »

I was so kind at all YC meetings and in other places. That's how got one of the biggest funding and investor attention. That's how it works, right? Did you know that Steve Jobs was so kind so Apple fired him. Also Elon is kind and all founders just kind. etc. Great content

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#50

Post by anal_reactor »

mydriasis wrote: post #6

Work is hard and stressful. If we're sweet and kind to one-another, we get through it more easily, no matter how smart each of us is individually. Being kind is an investment, and its dividends pay out enormously as your organization grows. Like the article says, it's infectious. I believe that. I believe that if I show kindness, especially to people who are new to the organization, they'll mirror it right back, and…

I love reading discussions of people to whom following the social norms comes naturally and they can't fathom the idea that behaving in a way that makes other people feel good is something I need to consciously put effort into.
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