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Men are hitting on my scheduling bot because it has a woman's name

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Re: Men are hitting on my scheduling bot because it has a woman's name

#41

Post by kstenerud »

shepherdjerred wrote: post #29
kylebenzle wrote: post #4

Earlier quoted context omitted.

.

> all women have to do is ignore or deny the advance, how is that "dealing with bullshit"? Most men are decent, but plenty of men are aggressive, scary, or make women very uncomfortable. If you ask someone out respectfully, of course that's fine. If you're not taking no for an answer, being hostile, or making someone feel very uncomfortable/unsafe, then you're not doing the right thing.

Actually, even the polite men are being creepy. Hitting on someone you barely know, in a business environment, is just creepy cringe.

Yeah, sure, you're being a "gentleman" by backing down when she inevitably rejects such an inappropriate advance, but after the hundredth insta-suitor, it gets old and even stressful and anxiety inducing.

Re: Men are hitting on my scheduling bot because it has a woman's name

#42

Post by akoboldfrying »

>Obviously, this would be inappropriate behavior if it was happening to an actual human assistant, and I would deal with it.

Unless one person has some level of authority over the other, I don't see why this should be considered inappropriate. Not taking no for an answer, or any kind of retribution for being declined, are harassment and shouldn't be tolerated -- but just asking? I think that's something any man or woman should be able to ask any man or woman.

For avoidance of doubt: Asking someone out when you know very little about them isn't smooth. It won't impress many people. But I don't see it as morally repugnant.

Re: Men are hitting on my scheduling bot because it has a woman's name

#43

Post by randomdata »

akoboldfrying wrote: post #42

>Obviously, this would be inappropriate behavior if it was happening to an actual human assistant, and I would deal with it. Unless one person has some level of authority over the other, I don't see why this should be considered inappropriate. Not taking no for an answer, or any kind of retribution for being declined, are harassment and shouldn't be tolerated -- but just asking? I think that's something any man or wo…

> But I don't see it as morally repugnant.

It is not seen as morally repugnant, it is seen as economically repugnant. If you were the server admin for a business and an old lady came in off the street asking if you would help her fix her computer, it is likely your boss would step in to put a stop to that too. The employer doesn't want to pay you to do things for other people.

If the old lady came to your house instead, nobody would give a rat's ass. Likewise, if 'Emily' were a real assistant and people were asking her out on dates using her personal email address, that'd be her problem. But when someone is paying you for your undivided attention...

Re: Men are hitting on my scheduling bot because it has a woman's name

#44

Post by ghusto »

I don’t think there’s anything morally wrong with it, but I’d still say men shouldn’t do it because it’s annoying.

We’ve been mixing up “morally wrong” with “come on, don’t be a dick” constantly when addressing feminist issues. The first relates to feminist issues, the latter is general advice for human beings. This is the latter: Don’t hit on people without any personal context. It’s weird, annoying, and a bit sad. Do we have to say these things out loud?

Re: Men are hitting on my scheduling bot because it has a woman's name

#45

Post by randomdata »

huytersd wrote: post #40

Why is hitting on a woman inappropriate behavior?

Competition strategy. The more people you can convince that they shouldn't hit on women means fewer people hitting on women, which improves the chances for those who hit on women.

Same reason 'slut shaming' is a thing, which is the same thing, just from the other point of view. The more people you can convince to not accept the advances of others means more opportunity for those who do.

Re: Men are hitting on my scheduling bot because it has a woman's name

#46

Post by ghusto »

huytersd wrote: post #40

Why is hitting on a woman inappropriate behavior?

It’s inappropriate if it’s inappropriate. Not that hitting on a woman is inappropriate in itself.

Think of it the other way around: You send an email trying to quickly schedule an appointment with someone, and they reply with a time, and flirt with you. It’s weird because there’s no context for that.

Re: Men are hitting on my scheduling bot because it has a woman's name

#47

Post by rl3 »

freitasm wrote: post #33

You only have to look at LinkedIn to see the levels people go to when commenting on women's posts. Even those where these women post nothing but business - and if their posts have a photo, there's an even better chance these comments will be there. On the other hand, you can see some posts are bait. And the guys replying take it and run. You see them because if any of your connections react to these posts, you might…

>... they make LinkedIn look like a Mos Eisley Cantina.

No amount of credits could convince Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes to play LinkedIn. That band has standards.

Re: Men are hitting on my scheduling bot because it has a woman's name

#48

Post by huytersd »

ghusto wrote: post #46
huytersd wrote: post #40

Why is hitting on a woman inappropriate behavior?

It’s inappropriate if it’s inappropriate. Not that hitting on a woman is inappropriate in itself. Think of it the other way around: You send an email trying to quickly schedule an appointment with someone, and they reply with a time, and flirt with you. It’s weird because there’s no context for that.

It seems arbitrary. Plenty of people hit on each other in professional settings or the workplace all the time.

Re: Men are hitting on my scheduling bot because it has a woman's name

#49

Post by ozfive »

bugglebeetle wrote: post #23
ozfive wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As a former male server I experienced women hitting on me in ways that I thought only men did and it didn't feel great at all. I'm sure there will be guys out there saying that's a good problem to have, but it really isn't. Especially if you have a wife already.

Yes, I shouldn’t have gendered it. Pestering anyone in a service role in this way is beyond obnoxious behavior, to put it politely.

To describe it succinctly I and many others are a captive audience in these agreements to labor/income. I'm not necessarily attracted to you just because you are in my vicinity.

Re: Men are hitting on my scheduling bot because it has a woman's name

#50

Post by ozfive »

randomdata wrote: post #36
kylebenzle wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think most guys on this site don't really spend much time in the real world.

Well, who could stand to with all those people out there constantly asking you for things?

San Francisco, Seattle, New York, Miami, Austin. Pick one I live there. Being in these environments really makes you wonder what sort of intellectual and ultimately evolutionary advancements have we made by constantly just volleying a ball over a net for so long with decisions that are made without our reach, oversight and generally care.
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