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"That's Why You Don't Have Any Friends."

joethepeacock.blogspot.co.uk

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Re: "That's Why You Don't Have Any Friends."

#41

Post by euroclydon »

jenius wrote: post #17
aculver wrote: post #7

The author's observation about high school is exactly why my kids, by default, will be home schooled. If they decide they want to go to public or private school at some point, I'll let them. Unlike a lot of kids that end up getting bullied, they'll know that their attendance is completely optional. I'm not looking to shelter them from the real world, only the fake miniature society that exists at school.

While I understand your point of view based on this one observation, I think this is a terrible idea if you look at the big picture. Whether they get bullied or not, high school is an extremely important time for kids to gain social skills and learn how to deal with people. Dealing with people is one of the most important skills you can have, period. And that often means dealing with people that are being dicks, and…

I think it's interesting to hear more about offensive homeschooling. For instance, my brother is a senior commercial pilot. He has two high school aged boys who have been homeschooled all their life. They play (American) football in the fall and spend the rest of the year traveling the country for competitive sailboat races and catching free flights to Asia, Africa, South America and more with their mom.

Re: "That's Why You Don't Have Any Friends."

#42

Post by [deleted] »

jenius wrote: post #17
aculver wrote: post #7

The author's observation about high school is exactly why my kids, by default, will be home schooled. If they decide they want to go to public or private school at some point, I'll let them. Unlike a lot of kids that end up getting bullied, they'll know that their attendance is completely optional. I'm not looking to shelter them from the real world, only the fake miniature society that exists at school.

While I understand your point of view based on this one observation, I think this is a terrible idea if you look at the big picture. Whether they get bullied or not, high school is an extremely important time for kids to gain social skills and learn how to deal with people. Dealing with people is one of the most important skills you can have, period. And that often means dealing with people that are being dicks, and…

[deleted]

Re: "That's Why You Don't Have Any Friends."

#43

Post by unalone »

anotherthrow wrote: post #40

The sentiment of the article is great, but a lot of it just doesn't quite ring true. When the auther starts going on about other people being losers, and him being a winner, because they do things he doesn't personally value, you start to wonder if he is really free from defining himself in contrast to the guys who excluded him years ago. Life isn't a competition like that. There's a classic transformation you see a…

It might come through a little, but there's a difference between comparing yourself perpetually to the people who used to torture you, and feeling sympathetic to a 14-year-old kid who's being tortured now because you remember what it was like to be his age. It's not too bad to remember that things used to suck, and that they're better now. Plus, I don't know a thing about this guy, but he sounds like like a cool dude from this blog post.

Re: "That's Why You Don't Have Any Friends."

#44

Post by j45 »

aculver wrote: post #7

The author's observation about high school is exactly why my kids, by default, will be home schooled. If they decide they want to go to public or private school at some point, I'll let them. Unlike a lot of kids that end up getting bullied, they'll know that their attendance is completely optional. I'm not looking to shelter them from the real world, only the fake miniature society that exists at school.

I dealt with some really harsh stuff in school.

I only remember my real friends.

Learning how to pick you're real friends based on loyalty, character, values and doing the right thing is critical.

I won't tell you not to home school your kids. I will ask you to make sure they have the years of social interaction skills to find those other unique lone souls who do their thing regardless.

I'll ask you to ensure they learn how to deal with all kinda of people in the real world, unless you plan door them to forever telecommute.

Re: "That's Why You Don't Have Any Friends."

#45

Post by Retric »

pgsandstrom wrote: post #13

There is also a hidden aspect of it: Those people who don't overcome teenage awkwardness. Those who never regain their confidence and end up the weird tech dude at the office whom no one ever speaks to. This guy might be able to feed the kids confidence, and then you can encourage "weirdness", but it isn't always as easy as that. Sometimes parents should just tell their kids to go play sports or whatever, no matter i…

As a socially awkward adult I can say I am one of the happiest people I know. I know enough to play the game if I need to, but it's just an act and I really do prefer to do my own thing. And I tend to do so enough that it's hard to maintain the basic social skills.

I suspect the idea that there is something wrong with loaners is mostly just projection. It's easy enough to vilify other and loners make the best fictional villains, but other cultures also have the ideal of the monk in the woods. In the end games of status are only important for those who seek status.

Re: "That's Why You Don't Have Any Friends."

#47

Post by ajuc »

magv wrote: post #19

Is this a US thing? In Ukraine, no-one is weird. No-one is a geek, or a nerd -- there aren't even equivalent words in our language. Nobody thinks less of you if you're smart, shy, or talk about transistors on occasion. There are no "popular kids", and even the scariest kid in school is not a bully. So, again, what is wrong with US schools?

I'm from Poland, I think we have similiar culture, at least we had when I was in primary school (in early 90').

You're right that there was nothing uncool with being good at math, or at computers - in fact people were jealeus about that(especially when you showed off that you "don't need to study"). But I experienced bullying nonethless, because I was shy kid with asthma, that couldn't play football or basketball. And other kids also experienced bullying, because of different reasons.

But it stopped when I got to secondary school in bigger city. Just because all the bullies went to worse schools, because they couldn't pass the exam.

Also - maybe it's rationalizing, but I think my primary school experience was good for me. At least I hope I won't forget what it feels like to be ostracized.

EDIT: I think it's very easy for kids that pass their particular school test for coolness (and for their parents), to overlook that some other kids are bullied in their school.

It just doesn't seem like a big deal that some people are "unpopular". When somebody is comfortable in a class, most bullying techniques won't work on him, and in effect seems harmless to him. Bullying isn't just beating up. Kids are very cruel sometimes, and they use psychical tricks for bullying, too. In my primary school one girl was always laughed off for stinking (I think she did not, really, but it's not the point). Kids made it into a play - they escaped from her, to not be "infected" with stinking. To parents - it's just some kids playing. But for that girl it wasn't easy probably. I'm ashamed to this day that I've participated in this, because I've tried to make them stop bullying me. Well, it was a good lesson at least.

Re: "That's Why You Don't Have Any Friends."

#48

Post by japhyr »

aculver wrote: post #7

The author's observation about high school is exactly why my kids, by default, will be home schooled. If they decide they want to go to public or private school at some point, I'll let them. Unlike a lot of kids that end up getting bullied, they'll know that their attendance is completely optional. I'm not looking to shelter them from the real world, only the fake miniature society that exists at school.

I am tempted to homeschool my kid for a number of reasons, but I also really want him to socialize with other kids in school. Does anyone have experience with being homeschooled for half-days, or something along those lines?

Re: "That's Why You Don't Have Any Friends."

#49

Post by dholowiski »

aculver wrote: post #7

The author's observation about high school is exactly why my kids, by default, will be home schooled. If they decide they want to go to public or private school at some point, I'll let them. Unlike a lot of kids that end up getting bullied, they'll know that their attendance is completely optional. I'm not looking to shelter them from the real world, only the fake miniature society that exists at school.

I couldn't agree more, but I guess it depends on the school. Bullying was rampant in my school and the teachers were horrible (I like to think they were/are criminally negligent). A few years after I graduated, someone who was bullied brought a gun to school and started shooting (Killed 1 injured a few more). Little has changed since.

To me, school is a terrible, horrible place that I would never wish upon any child, and if I had kids I would never send them to such a place.

Re: "That's Why You Don't Have Any Friends."

#50

Post by japhyr »

jwingy wrote: post #9

Awesome. On a side note, I wonder why this culture of popularity has to be the default in our schools?

I think a good part of it is the fact that most schools don't really do a good job of meeting the needs of all students. There are so many students who are bored and frustrated because the work they are asked to do is either too easy or too hard. Make a good portion of the student body bored and frustrated, and the pursuit of popularity becomes a focus for many students.
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