41–47 of 47 posts
By the time my toddler was 18 months I'd taught and given him a few things: * Emotional regulation. When he's upset, hold him and allow him to feel my calm breathing, help him breathe * How to tell other people that he'd like more of something, that he'd like something to stop, or that he'd like something * Good connection time by holding him and dancing, playing outside in the grass * Good connection time by wrestli…
By most people beliefs, I am a good dad. I am a single father as my wife died last year after several years of serious illness. 1. Have never knownly lied to my daughter- not about Santa Claus nor extreme sex. If she asks a question I answer it to the best of my ability. 2. Trust - I have have a very high level of trust and she has much more freedom than other children in her class. 3. Constantly saying how proud I a…
By most people beliefs, I am a good dad. I am a single father as my wife died last year after several years of serious illness. 1. Have never knownly lied to my daughter- not about Santa Claus nor extreme sex. If she asks a question I answer it to the best of my ability. 2. Trust - I have have a very high level of trust and she has much more freedom than other children in her class. 3. Constantly saying how proud I a…
Those examples in #1... why would you pick those?
Earlier quoted context omitted.
I will start doing this.
Nice. Here's how it might go down: He climbs up somewhere and gets kinda stuck. I go over to him and put my hand on his back and breathe and invite him to breathe. Then I spot him, but I don't help him down, I encourage him that he'll be able to get down. Often, he only wanted his mom to do the breathing with him. That's fine. He falls, cries, we both offer him a hug, he goes to mom and she breathes with him while he…
I didn't do the "hand in skin" part, because he had his clothes on and when I tried putting my hand inside his clothes it just annoyed him more.
He was having a tantrum. I sat on the couch and sat him on my lap facing me. I pulled him towards me chest on chest. He quickly got more annoyed to be held down but I kept him there. I started doing deep breaths. It took him a bit to realize that we were "doing something" but slowly he started settling down and within 10 minutes he had stopped crying. This is in contrast with "normal" where if I hold him down while having a tantrum it just escalates. Eventually I stopped when I noticed that he was about to fall asleep.
It's unclear whether the deep breaths actually contributed or whether this was just a lucky one-off. I'll continue this.
-Work to become the kind of person you would like them to grow up to be- they will follow your example, not your instructions
-Slow down, be patient, and protect them from the stress and rush of adult life. If you are late and angry at them for not getting ready quickly, realize this is your fault not theirs- you didn't plan ahead
-Be emotionally available. Validate rather than dismiss their concerns. Really listen to them. Be happy when they share difficult feelings or mistakes they made with you, instead of being angry at them. At the same time, don't be too emotionally vulnerable- they don't need to stress about your adult problems.
-Encourage their passions and interests
-Spend lots of quality one-on-one time with them, especially doing physical things outdoors. Take them fishing and hiking solo. Hours spent in nature one-on-one with a parent are the most valuable time in a kids life.
-Be loving and kind to their mother, even if you aren't together anymore. Never complain or say negative things about her.
-Help them be part of a community where they learn to know, trust, and interact with people of all ages- join clubs and bring them along, etc.
-Adopt the mindset that you can take them to do fun activities together, and they are never a burden preventing you from doing what you want, but actually a chance to share what you love with them. Kids can do a lot more than you expect.
-Learn to set boundaries and enforce rules with calm and kindness. Anger and losing your temper are weakness, not strength. Respond to conflicts the way you would hope they do as an adult.
-The daily dad: daily parenting tips and philosophy by e-mail https://dailydad.com/
-Book: Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids by Kim John Payne and Lisa M. Ross
-Podcasts and blogs from Janet Landsbury https://www.janetlansbury.com/My entire life I believed that my childhood was pretty decent, and fairly privileged even. My parents provided a safe and stable home environment in a wealthy suburb of Chicago, sent me to some decent public schools, took me on nice vacations, and paid for my college in full. After having kids of my own, a flood of disturbing realizations came to me about all the things they didn't do . For example, my parents never…
I'm doing really well all things considered. As someone with older kids, if I may: don't ever lie to your kids about anything, ever, and if they ask you something you don't want to answer, tell them you don't want to answer it. Expect the same of them, and respect them when they don't want to tell you something too, unless it's pertinent to your duty to them. At some point your kids will realize they don't have to listen to you, and at that point they have to want to listen to you or they won't do it. For that, they have to respect you, look up to you and trust you. The only way to ensure this is to live up to what you expect of them and never bullshit them.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Those examples in #1... why would you pick those?
Two exsmples to illustrate a range, from what most consider benign to lie about, to something almost all parents couldn't imagine not lying about. I agree, don't think lying does any good in the long run.