Just take a deposit. Don't pay it back until they tell you they quit.
I was thinking more on the line of a subscription where you buy the hour of class, either if you dont show up.
The One Thing I Can’t Stand About Teaching English in Japan (2019)
41–50 of 101 posts
Re: The One Thing I Can’t Stand About Teaching English in Japan (2019)
#42Earlier quoted context omitted.
Saving face means that you made a mistake that has become obvious and you try to avoid owning up. That's not the case here. Example: if you ghost your teacher without quitting that's inconsiderate, and calling it "saving face" is saving face.
They're saving the author's face by not explicitly telling them that their services are no longer required. (They're obviously implicitly telling them, loud and clear.)
This makes me wonder if the author would get more response by phrasing it with less 'finality'. More 'please let me know if online lessons are not convenient right now' and less 'if online lessons are not good enough let me know to my face and we can end this forever'.
Re: The One Thing I Can’t Stand About Teaching English in Japan (2019)
#43I understand a very little bit of Japanese culture and they probably just feel you don’t understand their social cues
Re: The One Thing I Can’t Stand About Teaching English in Japan (2019)
#44Dating in Japan sounds absolutely horrifying, if this is the expected behavior to your private teacher...
I dated a Japanese girl for 4 years throughout college. We spent basically every moment of every day together and then she just disappeared. Haven't heard from her in 11 years now.
Did you go to school in Japan?
If not, then did it not occur to you that a Japanese student studying abroad would need either a work permit or a marriage visa to stay?
She probably was expecting you to propose and since you didn't she left because she had to.
Re: The One Thing I Can’t Stand About Teaching English in Japan (2019)
#45Earlier quoted context omitted.
I dated a Japanese girl for 4 years throughout college. We spent basically every moment of every day together and then she just disappeared. Haven't heard from her in 11 years now.
Did you go to school in Japan? If not, then did it not occur to you that a Japanese student studying abroad would need either a work permit or a marriage visa to stay? She probably was expecting you to propose and since you didn't she left because she had to.
I went to school in the US and she is not actually from Japan. Both her parents were from Japan though despite her being born in the US. It could be a coincidence and have nothing to do with this Japanese cultural phenomenon, but it seemed pretty relevant to what I experience.
Re: The One Thing I Can’t Stand About Teaching English in Japan (2019)
#46"They knew of my miscarriage"
So there appears to be a misunderstanding here. The enthousiastic-seeming politeness of one culture has accidentally convinced someone from a different culture that there was more emotional connection than there really was.
Just don't fall for it. It's mostly for show. Excessive politeness at a mass cultural level like that is simply an obligation. But this teacher doesn't understand that and, perhaps being a little more prone than average even in her own culture to forming emotional attachments with students, is misunderstanding what is happening.
Imagine you walk into one of those restaurants where people are super enthousiastic about you, with big hellos and showy gestures and maybe even some singing. But it doesn't mean you've formed a deep emotional bond with them. It's for show, that's just their baseline.
People everywhere in the world only have so much emotional bandwidth for strangers, but the difference in default displayed politeness level might make for some misunderstandings between cultures.
Re: The One Thing I Can’t Stand About Teaching English in Japan (2019)
#47"They knew of my miscarriage" So there appears to be a misunderstanding here. The enthousiastic-seeming politeness of one culture has accidentally convinced someone from a different culture that there was more emotional connection than there really was. Just don't fall for it. It's mostly for show. Excessive politeness at a mass cultural level like that is simply an obligation. But this teacher doesn't understand tha…
I think it's less there is a misunderstanding, and more the author is simply expressing their frustration with this aspect of Japanese culture.
Re: The One Thing I Can’t Stand About Teaching English in Japan (2019)
#48The author has correctly and rationally identified the problem. He knows exactly why and how his students behave this way, and yet he still takes it very personally. I'm glad he has at least found an explanation, but it would really help if he consulted with a mental health specialist as to which steps to take to stop feeling distraught every time it happens
> He Given that the post mentions the author's pregnancy and miscarriage, I'm pretty sure it's "she".
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Re: The One Thing I Can’t Stand About Teaching English in Japan (2019)
#49Earlier quoted context omitted.
I dated a Japanese girl for 4 years throughout college. We spent basically every moment of every day together and then she just disappeared. Haven't heard from her in 11 years now.
Did you go to school in Japan? If not, then did it not occur to you that a Japanese student studying abroad would need either a work permit or a marriage visa to stay? She probably was expecting you to propose and since you didn't she left because she had to.
I don't think that makes ghosting after 4 years OK.