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How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

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Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#41

Post by MonkeyMalarky »

ketzo wrote: post #9
ceejayoz wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The problem is the cops tend not to give a shit.

I understand that. But you cannot assume they won't help. These guys didn't even try contacting the police before hatching a late-night scheme. For what it's worth, in my (regrettably several) experiences with stalkers/harassers, this situation would have been taken extremely seriously. "Masked guy repeatedly visits at night to write threatening messages on car of single woman living alone" is... about as explicit as…

Except they did:

>Now it was time to call 999. My sister had already had a couple of police visits about the previous incidents, so they knew there was a problem linked to her flat and came round pretty quickly.

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#42

Post by n0tth3dro1ds »

ketzo wrote: post #3

Maybe obvious, but uh: don’t fucking do this! I get it, I'm an older brother, I would wanna go ballistic too. But the fact that these guys skipped over "notify the police" and went straight to "seek out in-person confrontation" is insane! Stalkers are not people in their right mind. Staking out and planning to “citizen’s arrest”(???) someone who has repeatedly visited late at night to threaten and harass is NOT SAFE…

Cowardice: the post. Cops won’t care or do anything near me. Dangerous confrontation > dead/raped sister any day of the week.

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#44

Post by Gigachad »

These kinds of loons are far too common. I've wiped out most of my online presence that links to my real identity because of this. I'm not worried about big tech and advertisers getting my data, they just want to make money. I'm worried about insane individuals like this. You have to be proactive and avoid posting this stuff in public to begin with as it's much harder or impossible to retract what you have already posted.

Never post your real life info / name / photos in public or semi public spaces. Use unique usernames for each site, avoid ever posting things which can link between them. In general it's best to just not post much on public sites at all and keep it to private group chats which are far safer.

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#45

Post by mabbo »

Pepe1vo wrote: post #5

Truly, what compels a person to do such a thing? I too have struggled heavily with depression in the past, but I've never once felt the urge to repeatedly vandalize anyone's property. Like, I just don't understand what's to gain.

I think it's important to remember what mental illness is, at it's core- an important organ that isn't working correctly.

The brain is the thing that tells you what is and isn't right. It provides motivation, impulses, everything. And it can break in any number of ways- depression is merely one of them.

This person is ill. That doesn't excuse them, but it does help explain them.

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#46

Post by vorpalhex »

femto wrote: post #37
ketzo wrote: post #3

Maybe obvious, but uh: don’t fucking do this! I get it, I'm an older brother, I would wanna go ballistic too. But the fact that these guys skipped over "notify the police" and went straight to "seek out in-person confrontation" is insane! Stalkers are not people in their right mind. Staking out and planning to “citizen’s arrest”(???) someone who has repeatedly visited late at night to threaten and harass is NOT SAFE…

"Collect evidence and get the authorities involved!" is excellent advice. Though if other options were exhausted, I'd be more prepared to "give it a go" in the UK than in the US. Stricter gun laws mean you're unlikely to be confronted with a firearm, and if outnumbered and tempers are kept at bay the person would be more likely to run or surrender. Think I would have had more than two people on my side.

So you confront someone you think is a criminal with a group of men and get into a brawl. How much time are you willing to spend in jail?

Even if the gent is a stalker and you are right - you still instigated a brawl! You still assaulted (or more) someone.

If your thought process is "ah but he won't have a gun! My lads and me will really have an easy time now!" that may be a sign you are doing something unwise.

And what if he does have a knife or improvised weapon? Are you looking forward to explaining to your buds wife why he's room temp in the morgue over a stalker?

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#47

Post by pnw »

ketzo wrote: post #3

Maybe obvious, but uh: don’t fucking do this! I get it, I'm an older brother, I would wanna go ballistic too. But the fact that these guys skipped over "notify the police" and went straight to "seek out in-person confrontation" is insane! Stalkers are not people in their right mind. Staking out and planning to “citizen’s arrest”(???) someone who has repeatedly visited late at night to threaten and harass is NOT SAFE…

The post indicates they had previously notified the police.

"My sister had already had a couple of police visits about the previous incidents, so they knew there was a problem linked to her flat and came round pretty quickly."

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#48

Post by PuppyTailWags »

dsfyu404ed wrote: post #23
ceejayoz wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The problem is the cops tend not to give a shit.

Why would they? They get bombarded with people them to f-over or harass someone they got beef with all the time. And most of those sob stories they get told have two sides to them. The false positive ratio is too high to be worth taking these complaints seriously let alone at face value.

Do you have sources about false positive ratios of stalking, vandalism, etc? My understanding is that sexually-oriented crimes actually have a very low rate of false accusations, but I didn't look into it deeply and I only heard of it like 5+ years ago so maybe something's changed? Let me know if you have updated data.

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#49

Post by mabbo »

nickdothutton wrote: post #38

Firstly there’s zero chance this was the guy’s first rodeo. Second, without a custodial sentence it wont be his last. When these stories end in tragedy there’s always the part of the story that goes something like “…X had previously been reported on no fewer than Y occasions for similar behaviour.”

Maybe. Or maybe part of the sentence was mandatory mental health treatment. Maybe this is the rock bottom that leads to this person getting the help they need and getting their life together.

He's also now known to the police for this sort of behaviour. If anyone reports anything even minor about him, he's lost any benefit of the doubt.

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#50

Post by MisterTea »

ketzo wrote: post #3

Maybe obvious, but uh: don’t fucking do this! I get it, I'm an older brother, I would wanna go ballistic too. But the fact that these guys skipped over "notify the police" and went straight to "seek out in-person confrontation" is insane! Stalkers are not people in their right mind. Staking out and planning to “citizen’s arrest”(???) someone who has repeatedly visited late at night to threaten and harass is NOT SAFE…

Trying to confront chase the perp was indeed a dumb idea. Though if you read the article they appear to have made multiple reports in the past. Thing is with police reports like this is by the time they arrive they only "see" vandalism which is all they can put in their report. Anything else you tell them is taken with a grain of salt, they arent psychics. In order for them to become actively involved they need to see the crime in progress or be presented with solid evidence. In the latter case you need to hire a private detective or DiY which is what they chose to do here.
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