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Ask HN: How to overcome stage fear / social anxiety

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Re: Ask HN: How to overcome stage fear / social anxiety

#42

Post by jedberg »

The key is in the difference between the situations -- when giving a tech talk, you are in control. You had time to prep, you know the material well.

I assume those don't apply to your impromptu discussions. So you have to figure out ways to change that.

Prepping and knowing the material is the easiest one. Go deep and learn what you need to learn to be informed. Once you have that you will feel more in control, and will get less nervous.

Re: Ask HN: How to overcome stage fear / social anxiety

#43

Post by gchokov »

I've recently read "Rewire Your Anxious Brain: How to Use the Neuroscience of Fear to End Anxiety, Panic, and Worry" by Catherine M. Pittman, Elizabeth M. Karle https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/20344354-rewire-your-anx...

It shows the processes of getting Anxious and the role of the cortex, and amygdala in the process. It also shows how you can really rewire the parts (mostly by associations) the parts of the brain trigger these panic and anxiety attacks. It's a great book, and there's also audio book. Very much worth the 6h of listening time. Knowing the mechanisms and biology behind those things helped me see the bigger picture and answer a lot of the "whys and hows".

Lastly, welcome to the club, you are not alone - fortunately this is a skill we can master.

Re: Ask HN: How to overcome stage fear / social anxiety

#44

Post by zefbeck »

I remember when I was younger, I actually ran away from a presentation I was due to give at a local library!

Now, I enjoy them, but still find the first minute tough. And this is key for me, the first minute. Get through this and then its like going down a hill.

Two things that helped me.

1. Instead of taking the "everyone's a fool" approach as many have commented, go in and try and make a joke or comment that is humorous.

"This is going to be the most interesting 3 hour presentation of your life!"

You want to show the audience you are relaxed and once they appear to be friendly and nice, the feedback loop puts you in a new sense of power.

This will be the first minute. You can also ask the audience for a raise of hands to a few questions (don't over do it) but it connects you to the foreign enemy in the first few seconds.

2. Don't do it.

If you really feel like you are going to die - don't do it. Explain to whoever has it on you to present this why and ask someone else to do it with your input.

Re: Ask HN: How to overcome stage fear / social anxiety

#45

Post by illusiveman »

Have a look at physiological sight, explained by neuroscientist Andrew Huberman.

Basically, it consists on doing an inhale following by another quick inhale, and then a long exhale.

Theory says that you repeat that pattern 2-3 times, and your stress is drastically reduced for whatever reason I don't remember right now, but he explains it very well in his podcasts and as guest in other podcasts as well.

Re: Ask HN: How to overcome stage fear / social anxiety

#46

Post by geraldwhen »

ggeorgovassilis wrote: post #38
snickerer wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A 'I totally don't care about you fools'-attitude was my solution, too. It worked great for me and I love it. I get on stage and have a deep 'love me or hate me, I don't care, that's my show' feeling. After I told to myself that I have this attitude, I started to be able to play with the audience's attention instead of focusing on myself.

It's a bit more nuanced for me, I just wanted to keep my comment short. I love most places I work at, I want to contribute as much value as I can and keep harm away from the company and my colleagues. Given my skills and limitations, it boils down to a simple dilemma: either I contribute and make people mad at me or I shut up and let them walk into their own demise.

You sound young, because it’s never so simple. Sometimes it is far easier and cheaper to fail and then correct than fight for a perfect solution up front.

People really don’t like failing. And they’ll often fail faster than you imagine. If you’re looking for reading material, pick up “How to win friends and influence people”

Re: Ask HN: How to overcome stage fear / social anxiety

#50

Post by james_in_the_uk »

I suffered with this at the start of my career. I am a lawyer so it was not ideal. People want to ask a question and get an answer.

I found that it was being put on the spot that flustered me. I learned to respond by saying: "That's a good question. Give me a second to think it through". Then I would wait a few seconds, until I felt the tension ease. Then I'd invariably be able to give a better answer.

I did it to manage my anxiety but I also found that it helped convey a sense of authority and gravitas.

Over time I am not so anxious when being put on the spot, and so tend to launch right in, often to less effect than if I'd paused for thought first.

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