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Friendship Forever

secretorum.life

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Re: Friendship Forever

#41

Post by baxtr »

We need “work/life” balance because, at some point, we started separating work from life. It didn’t use to be that way. And we should begin to change it again.

Building companies with friends is the best way I have found to bring these two sides of life together.

And what about those people who say don’t start a company with friends or family? F* them! Sure, friendships might suffer. But hey, so what. That’s life.

And at least you’re surrounded by friends who love you, and you love them. Instead of random assholes who just wanna progress their career.

Re: Friendship Forever

#42

Post by zwkrt »

TranquilMarmot wrote: post #30

The part about remote work removing a driving force for friendships hit me pretty hard. In February of 2020, I had a dozen or so really close friends that I would see every day. We would laugh together, get food together, and work on hard problems together. In March of 2020, we all started working remotely and I haven't seen any of them since. Even if I wanted to, almost all of them have moved to other cities, states…

> getting sick is not worth having a friend

Everyone has their own risk analysis. My analysis is that this is totally out of whack. Covid will be around longer than you’ll be alive. Make a friend it won’t kill you.

What really gets me though I know people with your level of risk aversion* who force their developing kids into lockdown. I think the cohort born ~2014-2018 are really gonna be an odd bunch.

* partial risk aversion. The risk of social isolation is not taken into account and weighed against.

Re: Friendship Forever

#43

Post by zwkrt »

throwaway290 wrote: post #38
briga wrote: post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How exactly do a couple funny looks from strangers prevent you from enjoying being straight? If you were gay would you get mad at people for assuming you're straight? You can't control what people think of you, so it's hardly sensible to base your enjoyment of life on their opinions.

A human is social, how we see ourselves is not really separable from how others see us. Read about the psychological concept of labeling: we tend to become who others think we are. It's not about becoming mad at people around you thinking you're gay, but if you can actually fully ignore community's attitude towards you and not let it subtly change your behavior or weigh on you I'd say it's not typical.

Social pressures never turned anyone gay. Quite the opposite actually.

Re: Friendship Forever

#44

Post by Gentil »

briga wrote: post #21
fruit2020 wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You’re right. I din’t want to be perceived as gay. What is wrong with that? I have so many gay people I know. My dentist, my next door neighbors, my ex boss, my ex classmate, some work colleagues. I get along with all of them. Live and let live. Let me enjoy being straight.

How exactly do a couple funny looks from strangers prevent you from enjoying being straight? If you were gay would you get mad at people for assuming you're straight? You can't control what people think of you, so it's hardly sensible to base your enjoyment of life on their opinions.

If you do this behaviour regularly, they'll think you're gay. Like many mentioned, the bar is very low when it comes to being perceived as gay these days. Great for gay folks cos they've gone through shit. Good for them. They should be able to be themselves.

But certain actions eventually would make people think a straight dude gay. Then the people you are interested in "romantically" won't be interested in you cos you're thought as gay. It's so hard to explain this. It's a bunch of things. If it is a one off, it is not an issue. But otherwise it is complicated.

This is why dudes are soooo expressive with their buddies in a closed environment they are comfortable with. Shit is completely different when you are outside of that.

One of the biggest BS I have come to realise is people saying ignore the world and the society. If you have nothing to lose, sure. Else YOU ARE LIVING IN A SOCIETY. And there are norms.

Just like people accepting gay people are new thing, the society learning to differentiate who is whom is a new thing as well. Just imagine a woman/man for instance going to a someone and saying - "you are not gay right?". That would be explosive. The first reply could be "what if I am?" in an angry tone. This is tricky cos everybody is learning.

It's just difficult. Now imagine the same happening in an asian country or somewhere where it is relatively new about this. You won't have the same luxury of being given a benefit of doubt even if you mean things in a good sense. Cos the LGBTQ+ community could be going through shit already. So they are by default defensive.

PS: Just sharing my perspective based on things I have experienced and seen. Not hate towards anything or anyone to be extra clear. :peace:

Re: Friendship Forever

#45

Post by terryf »

zwkrt wrote: post #17
JetAlone wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm a man. I don't even like showing tremendous physical intimacy with the women I go out with on dates. I hate it when people at my workplace or church touch me. My brain says "Get away from me, all of you".

Quoted post unavailable.

Really? Why such a negative comment?

As an example, I don't like when people touch my hair. Always had a hard time going to the hairdresser.

Don't think that makes me mentally ill. People like different things. Ain't nothing wrong with that.

Re: Friendship Forever

#46

Post by ajb »

baxtr wrote: post #41

We need “work/life” balance because, at some point, we started separating work from life. It didn’t use to be that way. And we should begin to change it again. Building companies with friends is the best way I have found to bring these two sides of life together. And what about those people who say don’t start a company with friends or family? F* them! Sure, friendships might suffer. But hey, so what. That’s life. An…

The problem finding friendships at work is that if you're just an employee, that's another thing your exploitative boss can use as leverage. Leave the company and lose your friends. Work long hours or you're letting your friends down. And the company won't consider those friendships for a nanosecond if getting rid of you is to their benefit.

Re: Friendship Forever

#47

Post by gg82 »

zwkrt wrote: post #42
TranquilMarmot wrote: post #30

The part about remote work removing a driving force for friendships hit me pretty hard. In February of 2020, I had a dozen or so really close friends that I would see every day. We would laugh together, get food together, and work on hard problems together. In March of 2020, we all started working remotely and I haven't seen any of them since. Even if I wanted to, almost all of them have moved to other cities, states…

> getting sick is not worth having a friend Everyone has their own risk analysis. My analysis is that this is totally out of whack. Covid will be around longer than you’ll be alive. Make a friend it won’t kill you. What really gets me though I know people with your level of risk aversion* who force their developing kids into lockdown. I think the cohort born ~2014-2018 are really gonna be an odd bunch. * partial risk…

I think people totally don't understand the risk analysis here. I think getting covid is absolutely worth getting covid for most people. The health benefits of having friends is not being taken into account at all... ie mental health, exercise, life experiences, someone to help you when you need it, etc.

Re: Friendship Forever

#48

Post by cookieswumchorr »

zwkrt wrote: post #12
anon291 wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As awareness of homosexuality and acceptance of it spreads, friendly measures like this between platonic friends become less common. This is not a moral judgement, just an observation. People don't want to be seen or feel like they're seen as something theyre not.

The idea that gay people having more social standing and more rights has somehow ruined straight relationships is laughable. You’re saying that when being gay was literally a criminal offense straight guys didn’t have to worry about holding hands?

well, yes. Having gay sex was criminal, holding hands was totally fine. Hell, forget holding hands, how about kissing each other on the lips? This used to be an acceptable behavior for straight folks. Remember the Brezhnev-Honecker portrait?

Re: Friendship Forever

#49

Post by achenet »

Gentil wrote: post #44
briga wrote: post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How exactly do a couple funny looks from strangers prevent you from enjoying being straight? If you were gay would you get mad at people for assuming you're straight? You can't control what people think of you, so it's hardly sensible to base your enjoyment of life on their opinions.

If you do this behaviour regularly, they'll think you're gay. Like many mentioned, the bar is very low when it comes to being perceived as gay these days. Great for gay folks cos they've gone through shit. Good for them. They should be able to be themselves. But certain actions eventually would make people think a straight dude gay. Then the people you are interested in "romantically" won't be interested in you cos y…

> Then the people you are interested in "romantically" won't be interested in you cos you're thought as gay.

And you can fix this in like 10 seconds via asking the person out on a date or casually mentioning that cute person of the opposite gender you saw yesterday that you wish you'd talked to.

> Just like people accepting gay people are new thing, the society learning to differentiate who is whom is a new thing as well. Just imagine a woman/man for instance going to a someone and saying - "you are not gay right?". That would be explosive. The first reply could be "what if I am?" in an angry tone. This is tricky cos everybody is learning.

Uh... I've had people ask me my sexual preference many times, sometimes in gay clubs. Never once seen it offend anyone, it's more like asking someone for their pronouns.

Re: Friendship Forever

#50

Post by throwaway290 »

zwkrt wrote: post #43
throwaway290 wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A human is social, how we see ourselves is not really separable from how others see us. Read about the psychological concept of labeling: we tend to become who others think we are. It's not about becoming mad at people around you thinking you're gay, but if you can actually fully ignore community's attitude towards you and not let it subtly change your behavior or weigh on you I'd say it's not typical.

Social pressures never turned anyone gay. Quite the opposite actually.

Of course it would not turn you gay. Or would it?

Let me rephrase this for you.

In long term we, being social, unconsciously tend to become what people expect of us (becoming typically less malleable as we age) or feel tension otherwise. In an unrelated news, we seek approval of others. Those are sadly different things. If people see you (straight) as gay, and they disapprove of gay, you got a problem on your hands.

Maybe you see how that could introduce undercurrents that hamper your enjoyment at the bar.

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