Getting Out of a Rut • Hacker News Board

Re: Getting Out of a Rut

#41

Post by max_hammer » Sat, Oct 22, 2022, 4:38 PM UTC

Consult a doctor. These symptoms are similar to depression. If you live a area with less sunlight test Vitamin D tested.

Also, becoming a father is a big change and you need to be mentally prepared for it and mind went into defence mode (depression).

Something you can try at home

1. Eat more fruits and vegetables. More varied diet helps in Vitamin and nutrition deficiency.

2. Go out on walks.

3. Do not take media to bed. Buy a good reading lamp + physical book or a kindle/remarkable.

4. Put your phone in Grayscale mode.

5. Go to a vacation. Even booking a hotel in same city for a Weekend will give you much needed break.

Re: Getting Out of a Rut

#42

Post by mynameisvlad » Sat, Oct 22, 2022, 4:41 PM UTC

throwawaywu wrote: post #36

xg15 wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Becoming a father should be able to help with that. Gotta admit, on the first read I missed OP's announcement that he's about to become father already. Just for the record, do not have a child as an attempt to escape depression :)

I disagree. Having a fulfilling life in service to others and your family drives away depression.

Just like having a baby does not magically solve marriage issues, it does not magically cure the root causes of depression.

You might be temporarily applying lipstick to a pig which will gain you a bit of time, but it's not like it magically fixes any of the underlying issues.

If anything, it eventually loads far more stress onto you, making depression and burnout worse.

Re: Getting Out of a Rut

#43

Post by cyberdata » Sat, Oct 22, 2022, 5:00 PM UTC

Get physically active. You would need a LOT of energy to be around your son. I wish I was fitter when I became a father. That would have really helped.

Once you get more energy, things will fall into place. So keep that as your first priority.

Re: Getting Out of a Rut

#44

Post by trashface » Sat, Oct 22, 2022, 5:05 PM UTC

I'm no expert, but your description of problems makes me think of ADHD inattentive type presentation.

Re: Getting Out of a Rut

#45

Post by ctyc » Sat, Oct 22, 2022, 5:07 PM UTC

swader999 wrote: post #2

Start lifting

Strong second on this. It will feel like the last thing you want to do, but start lifting heavy stuff and be consistent. You will feel better, I promise.

Re: Getting Out of a Rut

#46

Post by lacoolj » Sat, Oct 22, 2022, 5:11 PM UTC

Biggest change you can immediately make that will have a direct, positive impact - clean your apartment.

Doesn't have to be the whole thing. Focus on one manageable area or category, like laundry, bathrooms, vacuum, etc. Knock it out, then choose the next most logical (just swept? now mop).

Hard to get going at first, but once you start, sometimes it's just as hard to stop.

Re: Getting Out of a Rut

#47

Post by mohave529 » Sat, Oct 22, 2022, 5:22 PM UTC

I'm sorry you're going through a difficult time right now. It's very admirable to that you're looking to help yourself to better be there for your child.

I found myself in a similar situation 2 years ago, when it felt like the world was collapsing around me and the narrative of my life falling to pieces was the dominant soundtrack in my mind.

There was no easy fix, but I do believe that taking up a mindfulness/meditation practice was what helped me to become what I believe is the happiest I've been ever in my life for well over a year now.

The biggest change for me was the weakening of the feeling of the self as a distinct concept and the narrative attached to it. When that dropped away it was incredible how many habits that improved my quality of life just started happening. My sleep routine became fixed, I started exercising almost every day, and my friendships blossomed.

It's hard to describe - but these changes seemingly arose out of observation rather than an act of will.

Just one suggestion out of many, but I hope you find yourself feeling less stuck in the near future.

Re: Getting Out of a Rut

#48

Post by matthewfcarlson » Sat, Oct 22, 2022, 5:24 PM UTC

andor wrote: post #15

andor wrote: post #13

Scrolling through online feeds is an addiction. Best thing seems to be to go cold turkey. Instead you could do something meditative (e.g. taking walks, sports) or something that allows you to enter a flow state (e.g. reading a book). Getting out of bed can be difficult, so it's best done out of habit and without thinking. Some pointers Anna Lembke On The Neuroscience of Addiction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jziP…

Oh, and one thing to keep in mind is that motivation follows action. Just do something (or in your case, stop doing something) for a while and you'll start to enjoy it.

I have really trouble starting and stopping things. One helpful trick is just tell myself that I can work on x for five minutes. The other part of the truck is that you have to mean it. Sometimes I get on the computer to work on a side project, and then goof off on other stuff and some nights I’m working right up until bedtime.

Re: Getting Out of a Rut

#49

Post by srge » Sat, Oct 22, 2022, 5:26 PM UTC

Start doing meditation, 1 min per day everyday and more when you feel like it. Start to go at the gym. Also start small, maybe 10 min every three days but never miss one session. Increase time and frequency when it’s appealing to you. Stop coffee and alcohol. Prioritize activities that are relaxing and/or energizing you. Walk. Relax. Don’t overthink, as thinking can not fix your issue.

Re: Getting Out of a Rut

#50

Post by granshaw » Sat, Oct 22, 2022, 5:27 PM UTC

aristofun wrote: post #37

>> In February, I’ll become a father and I want to be there for my son Have as much quality rest as you can and find the best therapist you can. Those are obly advices i wish someone gave mme in your situation

Would you have shared with your wife that you seeked therapist help?