On being tired

I feel like for me that’s because progress in one direction implies lack of progress in other directions of concern. That’s scales with the number of things you’re trying to get done.

That’s why I think long running work streams with focus are so important. Context switching has cost beyond just the startup and tear down.

This 'general tiredness' you're referring to seems to be linked to depressive states, whereas the blog post is more about exhausting yourself by trying to solve every little challenge you come across:

> Another key observation is that this tiredness I’ve been feeling is different from depression. I’ve experienced the latter in the past on a few occasions and while there are similarities in how they impact your life, I’d put them in different buckets. If only for the reason that I haven’t encountered these current experiences before.

Maybe it's a little bit of both; lack of motivation gradually eating at your reserves and transforming you into a generally tired person.

This hits the nail on the head for me. Interestingly, I only came to this realization later in life as well. I've always thought of myself as "tired" but the real problem is I require an exceptionally high stimulating environment to excite me out of langour.

Exercise. Video games. Occasionally (rarely?) an academic subject that I am good at and interests me can also elicit this excitement and energy.

But in general I go about life in a rather "depressed" mode. Most tasks are done not because I feel that little kick to do them, but because I know if I don't my life will be worse.

I often wish I was more naturally excited by things which are less stimulating. I waste a lot of time just satisfying that part of my brain that craves stimulation and novelty. It's really a shame, because I truly do wish I were spending that time on productive or meaningful pursuits.

I've wondered over the years why I'm this way, when I work among peers who seem to get stimulation from reading such arcane topics as linux kernel development.

I can only assume in my case the root cause is video games + the internet. I'm in my mid 30s and have had a video game in my hand since I was 5 or 6 (original game boy). If my spare time wasn't spent playing video games, it's spent on the lottery game of social media / the internet over the years. I'm only just starting to work on undoing the damage these mediums have done to my motivation and stimulation center. If I'm honest, part of me doubts I'll ever be able to be genuinely excited about some of the hard work that I wish I could be excited about, but the thought of living the rest of my life essentially a slave to stimulating media is a depressing thought. I want to create interesting things, which means I need to be genuinely excited to learn new subjects.

Fatigue is not only a mental thing as many assume. What really happens is our cells are gradually accumulating Reactive Oxygen Species (ROS) while we are awake, and when a certain threshold of ROS is reached, we feel tiredness.

This is a defensive mechanism of a living organism to keep ROS levels at bay. But what happens if one ignores the fatigue? ROS cellular levels will continue to climb up to the point of a pathological cell destruction. The thing is ROS are chemically active and when there are too much of them, you are asking for problems. Such as: broken enzymes in mitochondria, overoxidized lipids, damages of DNA and mtDNA - it all starts to accumulate. This is when a fatigue may gradually transform into one of the physical diseases. Cardio-vascular problems, T2DM, cognitive impairment, ME/CFS. The list go on and on [1].

So, if you often feel tired then you should be very aware of the underlying biochemical processes. It's all mental until it's physical and hardly reversible.

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_deprivation

[2] https://hms.harvard.edu/news/sleep-death-gut

Newer homes are supposed to have heat recovery ventilators, which do bring in fresh air even if all windows are closed.