What being hopelessly single taught me about pitching tech celebs • Hacker News Board

Re: What being hopelessly single taught me about pitching tech celebs

#41

Post by uniclaude » Mon, Nov 07, 2011, 9:30 AM UTC

gaius wrote: post #37

Mystalic wrote: post #13

Coming from the point of view of somebody who gets pitched daily... I can barely distinguish them from each other. Sure, I'll give you my card with contact info, but it doesn't mean I will be interested when I get the email. Yes, you did more than most people and had the balls to approach me. Great. But that won't fix a mediocre product or a product I'm not interested in. I'll just end up ignoring your email. I look…

I look for cues, such as who is funding you Someone has to go first, no? Why do you trust rival VCs more than your own judgement?

Either I'm mistaken, or you do not know who you are answering to.

Mystalic is an editor at Mashable, not a VC. Therefore, when asking "who's funding you" he's not looking for rival VCs, but as he said, for cues. That does not, however, really invalidate your point of him making is own judgement instead of filtering by VCs.

Re: What being hopelessly single taught me about pitching tech celebs

#42

Post by FreshCode » Mon, Nov 07, 2011, 9:31 AM UTC

brk wrote: post #20

FreshCode wrote: post #6

getting good at "game" has led to improvements in almost every other aspect of my life, including pitching.

Funny. I have recommended 'The Game' by Neil Strauss to more than one person for reasons beyond just meeting women. Learning how to start and manage a conversation are powerful tools.

I wonder how many "hacker players" hang out on HN? :)

Re: What being hopelessly single taught me about pitching tech celebs

#43

Post by klipt » Mon, Nov 07, 2011, 10:25 AM UTC

sid6376 wrote: post #19

From the comments here, I infer, VCs probably don't like being pitched unsolicited. Girls don't like being hit on. I have never pitched a VC, so i am basically theorizing here. The trick is not in approaching them, but approaching them in a way which does not activate their natural defense mechanism. If you come across as interesting the girls will give you attention. Its better to lower their defenses with an approa…

Maybe girls don't like being hit on by the wrong people, or in the wrong way. But ultimately they do want to be approached by the right guys, or they wouldn't keep on going to places like bars where one of the main selling points (unless it's a gay bar) is meeting people of the opposite sex.

Re: What being hopelessly single taught me about pitching tech celebs

#44

Post by jonnathanson » Mon, Nov 07, 2011, 12:01 PM UTC

I, too, used to suck at approaching women at bars (I still do!). Rather than polishing up my pickup game, I adopted a different strategy: be interesting. Go to fun parties. Throw some fun parties. Become known as a cool person to hang out with, which results in more invitations to more parties. Create your own momentum.

I suppose the tech-industry corollary here is to do some agenda-free networking, and build up an agenda-free network. You may have a hidden agenda, and that's fine, but push it to the way back of your mind for now. You need to spend time building up a circle. Where to start? If you're in the Bay Area and working on a startup or a personal project, I'm sure you know at least 5 or 10 other folks in the same boat. Start getting together. Set up a weekly dinner or drinks. Start finding out about other peoples' dinners and drinks. Socialize and be interesting. Help other people without any expectation that they will help you.

This is a slow game, played over a longer term than many people are comfortable with. But it's a more organic way to meet and "pitch" people. I'd much rather find a way to become friendly with Big Investor X than find a perfect 30-second pitch for a chance encounter with Big Investor X. I can always pitch a friend, after all, if a bit down the line.

"But none of my friends is interesting / knows anybody cool / has any different friends outside our group."

Time to diversify your social circle, then. Reach out and connect people from different stages of your life: childhood friends, college friends, work buddies from former and current jobs, interest-group friends, and so forth. Go to mixers and meet new people, too.

All of this may sound patently obvious to some folks here, and if you're among those folks, awesome. Just know that this stuff didn't occur naturally to me, and I bet a fair number of people are built similarly. I'd always struggled with the apparent phoniness and strain of "networking," until I learned why: I was trying to compress a long-term process into short-term transactions. It felt unnatural because it was unnatural. I was always approaching people out of the blue and asking for something. That's not a winning strategy for becoming liked and getting helped. You've got to be doing things for others before expecting others to do things for you.

Re: What being hopelessly single taught me about pitching tech celebs

#45

Post by lolcraft » Mon, Nov 07, 2011, 1:22 PM UTC

jonnathanson wrote: post #44

I, too, used to suck at approaching women at bars (I still do!). Rather than polishing up my pickup game, I adopted a different strategy: be interesting. Go to fun parties. Throw some fun parties. Become known as a cool person to hang out with, which results in more invitations to more parties. Create your own momentum. I suppose the tech-industry corollary here is to do some agenda-free networking, and build up an a…

Things are complicated. Beware of the potential phonyness lurking there. "Instead of making a business offer, pretend to be friends long enough so that the other party will (maybe) want to make business with you."

Cool and all, but sometimes a pitch is just a pitch, and a fuck is just a fuck.

Also: personally I would never start a business with a friend I really cared about. Never. It's just like having a "friend with benefits": it can go perfectly or it can be hell on earth.

Re: What being hopelessly single taught me about pitching tech celebs

#46

Post by jonnathanson » Mon, Nov 07, 2011, 1:32 PM UTC

lolcraft wrote: post #45

jonnathanson wrote: post #44

I, too, used to suck at approaching women at bars (I still do!). Rather than polishing up my pickup game, I adopted a different strategy: be interesting. Go to fun parties. Throw some fun parties. Become known as a cool person to hang out with, which results in more invitations to more parties. Create your own momentum. I suppose the tech-industry corollary here is to do some agenda-free networking, and build up an a…

Things are complicated. Beware of the potential phonyness lurking there. "Instead of making a business offer, pretend to be friends long enough so that the other party will (maybe) want to make business with you." Cool and all, but sometimes a pitch is just a pitch, and a fuck is just a fuck. Also: personally I would never start a business with a friend I really cared about. Never . It's just like having a "friend wi…

""Instead of making a business offer, pretend to be friends long enough so that the other party will (maybe) want to make business with you."

That's not what I'm saying. Rather, I'm talking about cultivating a network of friends in and around the business. If one of those friends happens to be an important person, great. If not, great.

It's possible to have a long-term agenda and not to be mercenarily seeking things from people along the way. In fact, the less you do the latter, the better. Ironically enough, you'll probably have an easier time getting help from people if you're not solely trying to get help from them.

To refer back to the girls-in-bars analogy: you'll have an easier time getting laid when you're not trying hard to get laid. When you're simply trying to have a good time and meet interesting people, getting laid is icing on the cake. It's not the goal, but when it comes along, it's a bonus.

Re: What being hopelessly single taught me about pitching tech celebs

#47

Post by ctdonath » Mon, Nov 07, 2011, 3:10 PM UTC

sunir wrote: post #24

sjs wrote: post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I guess the question for those of us who aren't inherently interested in people is how do we build such an interest, curiosity, and love for everyone? You can't just read Be Here Now and suddenly be enlightened and feel one with the world. (The question is not exactly directed at you since you seem to naturally have such an interest.)

I used to be a curmudgeon until my early 20s, wondering how everyone could be so dumb. Then, enlightenment! I learnt I didn't know everything. I am just curious. Everyone acts rationally from their point of view. Why do people do what they do? What makes them successful? Failures? What is their take on living? Most people are passionate about something, so tell me about it. I'll learn something new. I spent a lot of…

Most people are passionate about something, so tell me about it.

That's my sticking point: in situations referred to, the person in question all too often isn't prone to discussing what he _want_ to discuss, but what his fans do. How to, as a random face wandering up as so many do, can one elicit some fragment of "say, what do _you_ want to talk about or do?"

The nuance struck me when meeting (as just another face in the room) Steve Reich and Philip Glass. During a talk, Reich lamented that everyone wanted to gush over his early works, which he made clear he viewed as immature - not bad, but something he has moved far beyond. Able to stand nearby someone's hallway chat with Glass, I was struck by how _much_ the two had to talk about, how the other person wasn't anyone the great composer knew, and how I had absolutely nothing to offer/initiate in conversation despite a desire to do so and an ability to work a conversation well _once_it_started_ on some point - but alas I had no point to start on.

To wit: when opportune, I want to say to great/famous person X "so, what might _you_ want to talk about?" but such phrasing is inane.

Re: What being hopelessly single taught me about pitching tech celebs

#48

Post by dagw » Mon, Nov 07, 2011, 3:31 PM UTC

ctdonath wrote: post #47

sunir wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I used to be a curmudgeon until my early 20s, wondering how everyone could be so dumb. Then, enlightenment! I learnt I didn't know everything. I am just curious. Everyone acts rationally from their point of view. Why do people do what they do? What makes them successful? Failures? What is their take on living? Most people are passionate about something, so tell me about it. I'll learn something new. I spent a lot of…

Most people are passionate about something, so tell me about it. That's my sticking point: in situations referred to, the person in question all too often isn't prone to discussing what he _want_ to discuss, but what his fans do. How to, as a random face wandering up as so many do, can one elicit some fragment of "say, what do _you_ want to talk about or do?" The nuance struck me when meeting (as just another face in…

A few years ago my mother helped organize a literature festival and at the closing banquet was seated next to a famous author with several critically acclaimed bestsellers to his name. My mother introduced herself and added "I have to admit I've never actually read any of your books". "Excellent!" the author replied, "that means we can talk about something else". And they spent the entire evening having a really great conversation about all manners of topics. My mother said she could really tell how excited he was to get a chance actually talk about something other than his books.

Re: What being hopelessly single taught me about pitching tech celebs

#49

Post by dpritchett » Mon, Nov 07, 2011, 4:18 PM UTC

joshu wrote: post #16

Here is my email address so I can escape this painful conversation. It will be much easier to ignore your email.

Similarly, whenever anyone cold calls me or knocks on my door to sell me services I don't want I ask for a brochure to "read over" later.

Re: What being hopelessly single taught me about pitching tech celebs

#50

Post by sunir » Mon, Nov 07, 2011, 11:24 PM UTC

ctdonath wrote: post #47

sunir wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I used to be a curmudgeon until my early 20s, wondering how everyone could be so dumb. Then, enlightenment! I learnt I didn't know everything. I am just curious. Everyone acts rationally from their point of view. Why do people do what they do? What makes them successful? Failures? What is their take on living? Most people are passionate about something, so tell me about it. I'll learn something new. I spent a lot of…

Most people are passionate about something, so tell me about it. That's my sticking point: in situations referred to, the person in question all too often isn't prone to discussing what he _want_ to discuss, but what his fans do. How to, as a random face wandering up as so many do, can one elicit some fragment of "say, what do _you_ want to talk about or do?" The nuance struck me when meeting (as just another face in…

Conversations are back and forth. They will make it obvious what they are passionate about by their answers. Start with easy questions. Talk to them about anything. Have you been to this kind of event a lot before? What did you think about the speakers? Be aware of what sparks them up.

I'm not trying to pitch people except when I am so I don't feel a lot of pressure to get people to instantly like me. I'd rather have a great conversation. The pitch comes after I know what their current needs are.